Zero Gravity--I wonder what it's like...
So I’ve been thinking.
And no, before you even think about it, this isn’t the same journal I posted on my deviantart page. Oh ho ho, this is much different. = u=;; Rrrgh, it’s just that I really hate exams. I mean, really, really hate them. Because studying is when you think about one certain subject and possibly, maybe you branch off into something else that is related.
I can’t do that.
Once my train of thought has derailed, it’s all over. I can go on tangents for days, but I can’t stay on a single topic for an extended amount of time. And since that all I’ve been doing (or trying to do = A=;;) lately, I need to take some time away from my goddamn US History and Remedial Math textbooks and vent. Which basically means that I just type whatever the fuck comes to mind. If I can go on and on about it, good; I’m getting it out of my system. But it usually doesn’t work like that, and I can bounce between twenty or thirty different, semi-related topics before I feel better and quit. Half the time I think much faster than I can type, and I get distracted quite easily and my train of thought goes crashing into mountains and such, but I’ll try to avoid doing that just for the sake of the passengers inside. I’m sure they wouldn’t like to die, so I’ll try to spare them. Try.
Like… subliminal messages or something. I was reading a fanfiction earlier about someone who wasn’t morbid at all thinking what would happen if he accidently stuck an exacto knife inside of him. That was kind of weird, but then I thought, “hey… what would that feel like?” and then WHOOSH! Tangent. I don’t cut, and I try to avoid bleeding as best I can. So I kind of wondered what being impaled would be like. Like… can you feel it in you (pervy thoughts aside. xD)? If someone came to you with a bayonet or something and just wham right through you, would you be able to feel it around your organs and stuff? I’ll bet it feels weird as fuck. Ooh, but forget the bayonets, what if you stepped on an exacto knife and it went right through your fucking foot?! Or if you left it lying around and you leaned over it and it poked through your skin? Like… not all the way through, but enough to make you bleed? Eruggh…
God, this shitty weather is making me have shitty thoughts. D’you know how much it sucks, after you take three exams in a row, to walk all the way to the opposite end of a college parking lot when it’s cold as fuck and drizzling to boot and the weather seems to be screwing around with you just because it can, to get to your shitty car that has heat only after you’ve already been driven for twenty minutes and a back windshield that likes to fog over when the weather is wet and cold like it was today, and assholes in SUVs like to cut you off on the highway so that the water flings off their back tires and onto your windshield so that you can’t see a damn thing and holyfuckinghell that was my exit and you swerve over two lanes of traffic (luckily the closest car in either lane was at least a hundred yards behind me = n=) and on the entire drive home you’re sitting at an awkward angle in your seat because your fucking freezing your figurative balls off and you’re damp and the seats too damn low for you to see properly over the steering wheel and all you really want to do it grab your space heater and maybemaybemaybe just crawl inside and sleep for the next three weeks until things you’re actually looking forward to are just around the corner and asfklj;ljk; you just want to see all your friends again ‘cause you’re only ever comfortable being yourself around them and there’s no one around to talk to who would get your lame perverted inside jokes and laugh when you mention Code Gayass and LeDouche of the Fagbellion so you sit there and stare at the overhead like it’s the most interesting thing in the whole world when it is the exact opposite and you’re thinking about all the stuff you needwanthavetogonna do when you get out of class, when you get home, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, in the next ten years, when you’re old and gray and sitting on a porch in a rocking chair watching kids play on the street and screaming at them to stay the fuck off of you damn lawn, fucking bastards and you die a little inside ‘cause your relatives never come to visit you anymore and you’re lonely and you wish you weren’t but there’s nothing you can do and you can feel it in your heart that damnit, you’re going to die alone just like your worst nightmare. Yeah, shitty thoughts like that.
Except a little more dramatic and a little less dramatic and it doesn’t make any sense and it makes all the sense in the whole world. And you’re smiling right now-I know you are.
Ugh. Ffffft, now I’m tireddd. = n= Yoko Kanno makes me sleepy, and the fact that it’s almost three AM probably isn’t helping them.
…
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Uhm. There was something else I was going to say. I think. =`_’= Damnit. Alright, I’m going to bed now.
Can’t even think straight anymore…