Just a little... Unwell
As of last weekend, I am single. Again. So soon? Yes.
Last week was not my best week. In fact, it had been the worst week in the past 16 months. Imagine all the panic, fear, and uncertainty from the first two months of coming back to Taiwan from the States, crammed all into one week. Yeah, that was last week. I was near nervous breakdown and on the brink of losing my sanity. Not even sleep could take me away to somewhere peaceful. I wake up automatically at 8am every morning without fail.
Amidst breakdown mode, I made the mistake of calling people way too often. I just needed someone to talk to, even for a while. Whether to give me advice, or just to distract me, it was all good. The result was an annoyed gf (now ex) who was too exhausted from work to deal with me.
Fair enough. The only one who could have dealt with my own life problem is myself.
This past week, I managed to begin tutoring for a meager income, find a place to rent away from my grandparents, decide on my future path, and even flew out to Matzu island for assisting a teaching demonstration.
Do you believe in omens? I'd like to believe they exist. While in Matzu, waiting in cafe, I flipped through a book on finance that talked about funds. On page 123, I discovered a four leaf clover. A four leaf fucking clover! So perhaps trying out finance isn't so bad after all.
I miss being able to just pick up the phone, dial a number, and be assured that there will be an entity on the other end who is willing to listen to me regardless of time of day. My mom, who's a Christian, calls that praying. I, on the other hand, require an actual voice, which also reassures me that I'm not just hearing voices in my head. I'd like to think I'm not crazy.
## I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell. I know, right now you can't tell. But stay a while and maybe then you'll see. A different side of me. ##
Last week was not my best week. In fact, it had been the worst week in the past 16 months. Imagine all the panic, fear, and uncertainty from the first two months of coming back to Taiwan from the States, crammed all into one week. Yeah, that was last week. I was near nervous breakdown and on the brink of losing my sanity. Not even sleep could take me away to somewhere peaceful. I wake up automatically at 8am every morning without fail.
Amidst breakdown mode, I made the mistake of calling people way too often. I just needed someone to talk to, even for a while. Whether to give me advice, or just to distract me, it was all good. The result was an annoyed gf (now ex) who was too exhausted from work to deal with me.
Fair enough. The only one who could have dealt with my own life problem is myself.
This past week, I managed to begin tutoring for a meager income, find a place to rent away from my grandparents, decide on my future path, and even flew out to Matzu island for assisting a teaching demonstration.
Do you believe in omens? I'd like to believe they exist. While in Matzu, waiting in cafe, I flipped through a book on finance that talked about funds. On page 123, I discovered a four leaf clover. A four leaf fucking clover! So perhaps trying out finance isn't so bad after all.
I miss being able to just pick up the phone, dial a number, and be assured that there will be an entity on the other end who is willing to listen to me regardless of time of day. My mom, who's a Christian, calls that praying. I, on the other hand, require an actual voice, which also reassures me that I'm not just hearing voices in my head. I'd like to think I'm not crazy.
## I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell. I know, right now you can't tell. But stay a while and maybe then you'll see. A different side of me. ##