(no subject)
*says emotionlessly* i wish he never left me alone today. i wish this was all just a dream...this is not for the weak of heart. don't read on if you cant.
tay went to an appointment at the doctor's today...he said he'd be back in a few hours. i waved him goodbye and i sat up in my room on the computer. about an hour after taylor had left...i got this weird feeling. like someone was watching me. just me, being paranoid stupid avery. i was right. i turned around and my heart jumped out of my chest...my ghost of a father was standing in my doorway,smiling a twisted smile. only he wasnt a ghost. it was my daddy, in the flesh. he wlked over to me and sat on my bed. "so how've you been avery?" i couldnt move, speak, breathe, anything. i just sat there. he laughed bitterly and stood up, a large peice of gray tape in his hands. he put it over my mouth. i didnt fight it, i knew what was comming. he ripped off my clothes and pulled down his pants. i didnt cry, move, try to escape. i just laid there. he took my lags and put them around his waist and smiled in sweet sadistic pleasure as he stuck his disgusting cock in. it was disgusting, ive never felt so dirty in my life. it went on for about an hour, my whole body was aching as he tore at my tits and ripped me open inside. then i heard it, my golden boy. his voice. "avery?" i prayed he'd come upstairs...he opened the door and gasped in horror as he saw my dad fucking me. i knew what he was thinking, he was sure he was dead. wrong. dad didnt notice, he put both his hands on either breast and jsut squeezed untill tears were running down my cheeks. taylor had my razor in his hand and he put it to dad's neck. dad let me go and told tay to calm down. taylor was shaking...i could see it in his eyes, he was terrified. maybe it was just for dad, maybe he was scared for me. i dont know. all i know is he was shaking. there was some conversation, i dont remember what was said. next thing i knew i was standing in front of dad like a fucking sheild between him and taylor, tape still over my lips. dad started touching me again and tay threateend to cut him. dad laughed and started saying dirty things to taylor about his love for me and my love for him. he said that tay wouldnt come between me and dad this time and that this time "id bring him off". he said i LIKED being raped. CAN YOU FUCKNIG BELIEVE IT? LIKE IT! *breathing becomes faster and her eyes tear up* oh my god, my poor golden boy...he was gonna break. and my daddy kept running his dirty hands over me...telling my brother that i wanted HIM inside me...shit...i just...i didnt know what to do. he threw me into taylor and taylor put me behind him to prtect me. he threatened dad to get out. daddy said "see, you're touching her now taylor. doesnt it feel good?" i wanted to puke. taylor finally got him to leave...he held me and he asked if i was okay. how could i be okay? no i wasnt okay. and neither was he. he knew i had been lying...he knows im still fucking in love with him. god dammit, i dont wanna be...i just cant fucking do anything about it. he told me i cant live like that, i said okay, then i wont. and he said then neither would he, because he still loves me like that too..and he took my razor and fucking cut his arm. jesus taylor im so fucking sorry, i didnt mean to place this on you...i didnt want any of this...god im just so sorry...if you never want to see me again ill understand. im sorry everyone...i didnt want this to happen.
golden boy...forgive me. i love you.
tay went to an appointment at the doctor's today...he said he'd be back in a few hours. i waved him goodbye and i sat up in my room on the computer. about an hour after taylor had left...i got this weird feeling. like someone was watching me. just me, being paranoid stupid avery. i was right. i turned around and my heart jumped out of my chest...my ghost of a father was standing in my doorway,smiling a twisted smile. only he wasnt a ghost. it was my daddy, in the flesh. he wlked over to me and sat on my bed. "so how've you been avery?" i couldnt move, speak, breathe, anything. i just sat there. he laughed bitterly and stood up, a large peice of gray tape in his hands. he put it over my mouth. i didnt fight it, i knew what was comming. he ripped off my clothes and pulled down his pants. i didnt cry, move, try to escape. i just laid there. he took my lags and put them around his waist and smiled in sweet sadistic pleasure as he stuck his disgusting cock in. it was disgusting, ive never felt so dirty in my life. it went on for about an hour, my whole body was aching as he tore at my tits and ripped me open inside. then i heard it, my golden boy. his voice. "avery?" i prayed he'd come upstairs...he opened the door and gasped in horror as he saw my dad fucking me. i knew what he was thinking, he was sure he was dead. wrong. dad didnt notice, he put both his hands on either breast and jsut squeezed untill tears were running down my cheeks. taylor had my razor in his hand and he put it to dad's neck. dad let me go and told tay to calm down. taylor was shaking...i could see it in his eyes, he was terrified. maybe it was just for dad, maybe he was scared for me. i dont know. all i know is he was shaking. there was some conversation, i dont remember what was said. next thing i knew i was standing in front of dad like a fucking sheild between him and taylor, tape still over my lips. dad started touching me again and tay threateend to cut him. dad laughed and started saying dirty things to taylor about his love for me and my love for him. he said that tay wouldnt come between me and dad this time and that this time "id bring him off". he said i LIKED being raped. CAN YOU FUCKNIG BELIEVE IT? LIKE IT! *breathing becomes faster and her eyes tear up* oh my god, my poor golden boy...he was gonna break. and my daddy kept running his dirty hands over me...telling my brother that i wanted HIM inside me...shit...i just...i didnt know what to do. he threw me into taylor and taylor put me behind him to prtect me. he threatened dad to get out. daddy said "see, you're touching her now taylor. doesnt it feel good?" i wanted to puke. taylor finally got him to leave...he held me and he asked if i was okay. how could i be okay? no i wasnt okay. and neither was he. he knew i had been lying...he knows im still fucking in love with him. god dammit, i dont wanna be...i just cant fucking do anything about it. he told me i cant live like that, i said okay, then i wont. and he said then neither would he, because he still loves me like that too..and he took my razor and fucking cut his arm. jesus taylor im so fucking sorry, i didnt mean to place this on you...i didnt want any of this...god im just so sorry...if you never want to see me again ill understand. im sorry everyone...i didnt want this to happen.
golden boy...forgive me. i love you.