fill in the blank: it doesn't happen to you, ____
I find irony, that drug dealers in blingbling SUVs stop at a caution light, but the wheels keep spinning...
Today was an extremely frustrating day. All day I felt like I was spinning my wheels and going nowhere. Try to get something done, it won't come together.. get on a roll, make some progress, 3 people need help. All day, endlessly. I got roughly half my normal amount of regular work done. For some reason a feeling of hopelessness in general can set in when you're stuck like that. It's odd.
SO: I decided to be productive. I went to the grocery store on the way home and assembled chili ingredients. Cleaned up the kitchen some. Made dinner, made chili to take to work (there's only so many grilled chicken salads from aramark one man can eat)
Result: Victory, it's great how a little bit of productiveness can dispell an entire day of blah.
I'm not cut out for this office gig. I need to keep it up for the time being, since I need to accumulate some money. Long term, I'll be happy to get out. I need to find something that doesn't involve 8 hours of a PC screen and artificial light. Maybe I can get a Master's degree in power and work for the electric company or something, I don't know. This is killing me slowly though. Slowly enough that it doesn't really hurt, that's what makes it dangerous. It seems innocuous enough then before you know it 40 years of it has gone by and what do you have to show for your life? That's some scary insidious stuff. We can all talk about where *we're* going and what *we're* doing to get there and it's all fine and good and we go back and the wheels spin. It's time to be people can stand up and say this is where *I* am going and this is what *I* am doing to get there, and this is what *I* am doing to bring as many people as I can along for the ride. Sooner than later I need to get my life back in line with my priorities. What more can any person ultimately desire than to hear at the end of their days ' well done, my good and faithful servant.' What less can both we and I be doing to deserve what is so freely given to us who hardly try to earn it? I guess I'm in a mixed mood today =)
Working at an assessment company has taught me how averse people are to assessment. People loathe it in all forms. Not just people being assessed. People who should be giving assessments are equally averse to the notion. This is rapidly teaching me contempt for those who downplay and discard accountability. Paul urged Timothy not to hesitate to rebuke when he should, but who is it we should be rebuking for what? Rebuke is too easy to turn into chastise, punish, make an example of. It can be and should turn into guidance. One can indeed rebuke in love. We need to learn not to be so afraid to do so. Maybe we need a new word for it. Think of the rebuke you get when you're learning to drive and you take a turn too fast. The teacher is terrified that if you don't get it right you're going to kill yourself. We're all killing ourselves, how can we step up and help each other out here? I need to reconcile how to disjoin the concept from the spectres of judgement, condemnation, ego and all their little riders. That's a project for an awful lot of thought.
it seems my brother's roommate's steady diet of rap has made him immune to my hip-hop indulgences, eeeexcellent.
DaVinci Butter Rum syrup mixed with brown mustard makes an ENTIRELY AWESOME marinade/glaze thing for pork chops.
the ACME in morrisville seems to run a perpetual bogo on carb countdown beverages. I highly approve
As for today's music selection, well I suppose it was inevitable when I named this journal that sooner or later it would happen. This seems like sooner in the grand scheme of things, but maybe it should be more frequent. The planet would be a better place if everyone on it had to listen to this song every morning when they get up.
-
ologow
Today was an extremely frustrating day. All day I felt like I was spinning my wheels and going nowhere. Try to get something done, it won't come together.. get on a roll, make some progress, 3 people need help. All day, endlessly. I got roughly half my normal amount of regular work done. For some reason a feeling of hopelessness in general can set in when you're stuck like that. It's odd.
SO: I decided to be productive. I went to the grocery store on the way home and assembled chili ingredients. Cleaned up the kitchen some. Made dinner, made chili to take to work (there's only so many grilled chicken salads from aramark one man can eat)
Result: Victory, it's great how a little bit of productiveness can dispell an entire day of blah.
I'm not cut out for this office gig. I need to keep it up for the time being, since I need to accumulate some money. Long term, I'll be happy to get out. I need to find something that doesn't involve 8 hours of a PC screen and artificial light. Maybe I can get a Master's degree in power and work for the electric company or something, I don't know. This is killing me slowly though. Slowly enough that it doesn't really hurt, that's what makes it dangerous. It seems innocuous enough then before you know it 40 years of it has gone by and what do you have to show for your life? That's some scary insidious stuff. We can all talk about where *we're* going and what *we're* doing to get there and it's all fine and good and we go back and the wheels spin. It's time to be people can stand up and say this is where *I* am going and this is what *I* am doing to get there, and this is what *I* am doing to bring as many people as I can along for the ride. Sooner than later I need to get my life back in line with my priorities. What more can any person ultimately desire than to hear at the end of their days ' well done, my good and faithful servant.' What less can both we and I be doing to deserve what is so freely given to us who hardly try to earn it? I guess I'm in a mixed mood today =)
Working at an assessment company has taught me how averse people are to assessment. People loathe it in all forms. Not just people being assessed. People who should be giving assessments are equally averse to the notion. This is rapidly teaching me contempt for those who downplay and discard accountability. Paul urged Timothy not to hesitate to rebuke when he should, but who is it we should be rebuking for what? Rebuke is too easy to turn into chastise, punish, make an example of. It can be and should turn into guidance. One can indeed rebuke in love. We need to learn not to be so afraid to do so. Maybe we need a new word for it. Think of the rebuke you get when you're learning to drive and you take a turn too fast. The teacher is terrified that if you don't get it right you're going to kill yourself. We're all killing ourselves, how can we step up and help each other out here? I need to reconcile how to disjoin the concept from the spectres of judgement, condemnation, ego and all their little riders. That's a project for an awful lot of thought.
it seems my brother's roommate's steady diet of rap has made him immune to my hip-hop indulgences, eeeexcellent.
DaVinci Butter Rum syrup mixed with brown mustard makes an ENTIRELY AWESOME marinade/glaze thing for pork chops.
the ACME in morrisville seems to run a perpetual bogo on carb countdown beverages. I highly approve
As for today's music selection, well I suppose it was inevitable when I named this journal that sooner or later it would happen. This seems like sooner in the grand scheme of things, but maybe it should be more frequent. The planet would be a better place if everyone on it had to listen to this song every morning when they get up.
-
ologow