(no subject)
It has been a long time since my last update, but I couldn’t sleep so I decided to write what I was feeling, and maybe come up with the reason why I cant sleep. Do you ever have one of those night/mornings when you just can’t seem to fall asleep? Well I had one today and since it’s almost 6:30 and I still can’t sleep I’m wondering why. Maybe it has something to do with what’s on my mind, and the only person that you can turn to is sleeping and you would feel bad if you woke her up. I guess I will be nice and not wake you up Joni hehe. I know it’s a bad thing to do, but you begin to think and question why and how things got this way and how could thing have been different. I keep asking myself these questions and I keep coming back to the same spot. I just spent all this time to end up in the same place that I started at. So at about 5 not being able to sleep I get up and decide to go for a walk. Not having any real destination or any purpose for going I just keep walking. After I walk a few miles away from my house I decide to watch the sunrise thinking that will give me some perspective to what I should do about the situation. The only thing I can think of at the time is why. I ask myself why I am worrying about all this when I have this beautiful start to my day by watching the sunrise and my problems seem to disappear for that instant. Then you step back into reality and everything comes back. You then find yourself asking the same questions why and how and wondering who you will be able turn to and thinking no one will understand what’s going on. At this point you wanna break down and cry and hope everything passes over and the skies become clear again to watch another sunrise.