improv this beer in your stomach
.... why am i writing on lovejournal.... because i am emo? scene? need attention.... no. because i cant write a song about this, mainly because i am not in a sxe hahhhdcore band. this is different.... i am all alone now. im in a place where you are forced to be independent, which i can do, but no one here sees things as i do. their view is: im at college, no parents, sooo im going to be lazy, play comp games all day, and try to find a frat every weekend that has free beer... the fact that i dont drink or smoke has isolated me more than i would have thought. i am currently in a room with five, no six people, who are drinking... and these are the people i know the best here... the people ive bonded the most with.... but they drink. it was this or go home... so why do i put myself here? a girl perhaps///??? maybe... yes.... but i dont think its worth it anymore; what happened to just hanging out? watching a movie? jumping off my porch? you dont need to be under the influence of something to have fun like i do.... im jujst crazy.... in general.... which explains why i am here. i feel like such a downer... being like... sorry i dont drink..... or smoke... but im at this ragin party!!!!!! o sick... someone just came in with coke!!! ... o shit, my b, its so they can make coke and rum.... and i thought maybe next theyd say they rented rambo or something.... one night it was jujst me, tom, rory, and alexs bro. we put rambo on the tv, the dvd, and left it on the source menu, so the muisic played, but pulled out the tv jack so the tv was black.... then we dressed up, tipped furniture to make barricades, equipped ourselves with the most high tech weapons; nerf guns, and had a war for 2 HOURS.... i miss innocence.... what happened to all my friends,.,, what happened to people... if i start crying people are gonna kick me out of the house, i never wanted an lj cause i knew thius would happen, but what happened to ... living... life? i cant go back to high school, im not ryan gorrel, buuut,,,, theres no one like me here... no one whos just.... nuts, happy, full of life, excited to be alive... we watched an improv comedy thing tonight i want to join... it was like how me and tom used to be.... they got a thought and ran with it... if its one thing i love about tom, its his rambling that could make rory throw xmas presents agaonst the wall..... that is how they acted tonight... the improv group... just... crazy funny... i wanty to join, it will let me get out all this anxst i have,... so for now, im goiong to chill with everyone... try and not make it tooooo obvious that im not drinking.... ill just improv it: ok, my scene is a party, i dont drink or smoke, but everyone else is. i have to keep them entertained while not beiong a recluse without them noticing im not intoxicated..... go: