i am banned
i am no longer allowed to write anything or communicate with anyone beyond common pleasantries until I get some sleep.
im just making an ass of myself at this point.
example a. though i find it quite beautiful.
To think of how different we all are but still be connected by this college, our class, this class, our basic humanity and we sit together around a fire and guess at each other’s fantasies as if we could ever really know all the wonderful dreams we all store within ourselves. My dreams are not really apparent to me. How should they be apparent to others? There are dreams that are socially acceptable and dreams because I wish to be socially acceptable. There are dreams that occur at night when I have let go of myself more than I ever could consciously and I worship these dreams. There are dreams that flood within me when I am outside and focusing on a plant, tree, horizon and these are as close as I have come to my night dreams. These dreams are always peaceful and unrushed. They are nothing grand or demonstrative. Just as wildly peaceful and exciting to me as I find a little stream to be like the kind we pumped water from on our first camping trip by the horse by the fence. I don’t know where it comes from or what feeds it. But I am silent and captivated and fed. There is no need to move or feel beyond everything that touches my skin or hearing or knowing. I would like to have more of these kinds of dreams and less of the other day dreams. I need to catch up on stream dreams and night dreams and feeling again, Maia. While I can’t do that so much right now and I have to be a big girl and finish my requirements to get out of here I have learned that it is worth fighting for and that I deserve to have what makes me happy. I deserve to get out of here and get into the woods and water and feel something other than lacking or insecurity. I deserve to feel my strength. To somehow find a way to draw on it at the core. Whatever that means
im just making an ass of myself at this point.
example a. though i find it quite beautiful.
To think of how different we all are but still be connected by this college, our class, this class, our basic humanity and we sit together around a fire and guess at each other’s fantasies as if we could ever really know all the wonderful dreams we all store within ourselves. My dreams are not really apparent to me. How should they be apparent to others? There are dreams that are socially acceptable and dreams because I wish to be socially acceptable. There are dreams that occur at night when I have let go of myself more than I ever could consciously and I worship these dreams. There are dreams that flood within me when I am outside and focusing on a plant, tree, horizon and these are as close as I have come to my night dreams. These dreams are always peaceful and unrushed. They are nothing grand or demonstrative. Just as wildly peaceful and exciting to me as I find a little stream to be like the kind we pumped water from on our first camping trip by the horse by the fence. I don’t know where it comes from or what feeds it. But I am silent and captivated and fed. There is no need to move or feel beyond everything that touches my skin or hearing or knowing. I would like to have more of these kinds of dreams and less of the other day dreams. I need to catch up on stream dreams and night dreams and feeling again, Maia. While I can’t do that so much right now and I have to be a big girl and finish my requirements to get out of here I have learned that it is worth fighting for and that I deserve to have what makes me happy. I deserve to get out of here and get into the woods and water and feel something other than lacking or insecurity. I deserve to feel my strength. To somehow find a way to draw on it at the core. Whatever that means