You Can Not HAZ!
Before I start this post about the much commented Open Source Boob Project I'd like to tell you a quick story.
I was 18 and at my first off campus college party. I was having a great time dancing with a senior until he reached out and grabbed my breasts...hard. You see, I was wearing a low cut blouse and my boobs were well past a DD and I was after all a Freshman invited to a Senior party. I was included in this special group of popular people and if I had to be groped a little in order to be included well then why not right?
Wrong.
My fist balled up and punched him square in the face. I heard a crack and things got messy. I had broken his nose. I hightailed it outta there as fast as I could.
Growing up with very large breasts I am often asked the question,"Can I touch your breasts?" This has never ever been a liberating question. This is (especially at cons) a rather creepy question. What gives you the balls to think that I want your creepy little hands on my glorious globes?
Now, on to how I feel. This includes the idea of internet celebrity, body issues, and why Miss J is still a liberated woman.
Yesterday I expected my fiancee tablesaw to happily go to bed. Instead my blissfully feminist fiancee stayed up arguing over the Open Source boob project. Please before reading further read the first post for yourself. Back? Okay.
He had me read the post, and your usually hard Miss J started to cry. Why? I went right past blinding rage to utter sadness. The way many of these women were portrayed was well, pathetic. I went a little past feminism and straight to ideas on the cult of internet celebrity and much lauded body issues.*
*For the record I love my boobs. I am not ashamed of them, and I am very grateful for them. If you are a real life friend you've probably have helped me adjust a bra strap or something or other. So when I say this I say this from the point of a woman who *is* sexually liberated. I do understand the notion of liberation from the body politic kthanxbai.
This my friends IS NOT IT.
1. The Cult of Internet Celebrity.
I don't understand internet celebrity. As in I don't understand why I should think you're famous because you post on LJ. For the record, I also don't understand why Paris Hilton is famous.
To me internet celebrities are just folks who I may or may not happen to know. This fact means I don't take stock in people who say they're big on the internet. (I do take stock in people I know or like.) However I do understand that attached to these mythical beings are people who really want to be like them. Who need to be close to them. Who do what they say because they are liked. This is exactly like the idea of actual celebrity, but on a smaller scale.
When reading theferrett's post I had been told he was an LJ God. Someone who is heavily read and friended. An LJ God at a con is a well known person. If a person who has lots of friends who might let you in on activities with the popular crowd asks you if they can touch your boobs( and if you don't then you'll be cast later on as obviously an outsider, someone who doesn't "GET IT") someone who is really unsure of themselves will certainly say yes. How many women wore a button of either type because they wanted to be included in on the joke? To be associated with the "in crowd"?
The following excerpt disgusted me:
By the end of the evening, women were coming up to us. "My breasts," they asked shyly, having heard about the project. "Are they... are they good enough to be touched?" And lo, we showed them how beautiful their bodies were without turning it into something tawdry.
We talked about this. It was an Open-Source Project, making breasts available to select folks. (Like any good project, you need access control, because there are loutish men and women who just Don't Get It.) And we wanted a signal to let people know that they were okay with being asked politely, so we turned it into a project...
The idea of a celebrity in your particular fandom coming up to you and asking to touch your breasts, hair, butt, what have you will generally be appealing to you. Why? So you can be apart of their world for a brief moment. So you can essentially hang with the cool kids.
This does not mean they have sexually liberated women. Not by a long shot. This means that they've convinced women that this was okay. God forbid you think its not however, because then no one will want to play with you.
Childish.
I am sure there were plenty of women (many on my friendslist) who would wear a button proudly simply because the idea that they should not be afraid of sexuality appeals to them. I agree. We should not be afraid of our sexuality. However, I should not have to wear a button that says "NO YOU CANT".
For the record(once again) I am already forced to wear many ruminations of this button at cons. Not because of the open source project, but because people at FanCons and Faire ask...A LOT. There is this idea that at either of these places that a woman's body is second to the male gaze and satisfaction. That brings me to....
2. Body Issues and Con Culture
If you've been to a FanCon (Barring well the NPL con and the like) and you're a woman then get ready, you are about to become objectified. It happens at least once every time I go to a con or even a faire.
The idea that a woman's body is on display in her costume and is therefore there for your enjoyment is a common thought at Con. It is Sexist. God forbid you are a lady of ample assets. So... many ....fanboys.
When thinking about the Open source Project I can actually understand how it got started with friends and became a con sort of in-joke. In high school I had a sort of in joke with my girlfriends. It wasn't being objectified when every once in a while Cammy would squeeze my boob and make a sound effect. It was just a funny thing. A funny juvenile thing. It was innocent.
I have heard and read that some of the women women who participated felt this way. Well ladies, bully on you, because you seem to be the only ones doing this "project" some justice. The men involved in the project were not so like minded.
If the open source boob project continued to be this way it would have been fine. However, it spilled into the con at large, rolling faster than a giant snowball in the Alps.
To me this project has nothing to do with being a sexually liberated woman:
And then the real magic happened. Because a beautiful girl in an incredibly skimpy blue Princess outfit strode down the hallway, obviously putting her assets on display (the thin strips of her clothing had to be taped to her body to stay on), and we stopped her.
"Excuse me," the first, very brave girl asked. "You're very beautiful. I'd like to touch your breasts. Would you mind if I did?"
We held our breath. We didn't want to offend. This could go wrong, collapsing and turning us into cruel lechers who'd make her feel uncomfortable and shamed of who she was....
She thought for a heartbeat, sizing us up. But there must have been something honest and trustworthy in our eyes that promised that we wouldn't get out of hand... Because after a moment, she smiled and said, "Sure!"
This passage is once again frankly disturbing. This sort of thing happens frequently at cons. Don't believe me? Ask isako or purpletophat. Women who wear skimpy outfits at cons or even slightly flesh bearing outfits at Cons hear this all the time. Or worse, people just go ahead and do it. I've slapped many a fanboy hand.
The idea that you can touch whatever on display is not body positive. It hearkens back to the common plea: "Well officer she deserved it! She was wearing a mini-skirt! She asked for it." That idea is frankly repugnant. To be fair, I think however that this is more the writer's salivation than the project's.
To sum this section up:
While I understand that the project was started by women and seemed fairly body positive, it did not stay that way. From what was written, I think that it too much of an excuse for the male participants to follow the con fanboy mentality of "Ooooo Boobies!I can HAZ!" Doing this thereby invalidates the innocence of said project.
Moving on.
3. The Idea of the Male Gaze and Privilege
"This should be a better world," a friend of mine said. "A more honest one, where sex isn't shameful or degrading. I wish this was the kind of world where say, 'Wow, I'd like to touch your breasts,' and people would understand that it's not a way of reducing you to a set of nipples and ignoring the rest of you, but rather a way of saying that I may not yet know your mind, but your body is beautiful
I think the italicized part in fact invalidated every other part of this passage. How? Well, by saying that you in fact don't know me but would like to fondle me means that it is more important for you to fondle me than to actually know me. My response to this would have been the following:
"Oh so what you're saying is that my mind is less important that getting to know my tits. You'd like to know my breasts now and my brain later? Well, fuck right off you sleazy bastard!" This may or may not have followed with a nice gesture of my fist getting to know their nose.
I welcome comments on my body. Polite and not so polite comments from friends. As a person who gets oft asked about their breasts I really can't see the liberating difference between a person at a convention asking to feel me up or that one guy in the grocery store asking to feel me up. Just because you asked does not mean it is okay.
Of course the women always retained the right to say no, but really that isn't the point. The point was that these women some of whom did not know the people who asked them, are portrayed as faceless and nameless. Not once mentioned in this article is:
"Hi! My name is Bob and this is my friend Cherise. What's your name?"
"Samantha"
"Nice to meet you Samantha. I was wondering if we could touch your breasts? They're lovely."
Now that doesn't sound half as bad( though to me its still bad) as what was described. The original story is told by a straight, male who in fact does participate throughout the story in blazingly male privilege.
These women aren't being really seen as a whole. They are being seen as various breasts. They are being reduced to body parts. I for one am more than just a fantastic pair of 32 Hs. I am a whole person. If you are going to celebrate my body, well then dammit celebrate all of it, not just the fetishized part of it. The fact the women were also doing the same thing does not make it better. For me, it makes it worse.
I can understand that the author may not want to put his friends on blast, but never did he say he introduced himself first. The idea of some random guy asking to touch my breasts hearkens back to the many noses that have been led off the faces of patrons in bars and colleges parties.
So in my final conclusion I present this:
I am not prude in any way shape or form. I am by all accounts an open and honest person.
I do not need to be felt up in order to feel liberated. I do not need to be touched in order to be apart of something. I do not need you to separate my personality from my boobs, even if you really really love them. You want to touch my boobs? Be a good friend of mine. Know me. Know my NAME. Know my brain first and my body later.
If you ever come up to me at a Con, house party or other social event and and ask to touch my boobs and I have never met you I can only give you one suggestion...
RUN. RUN FAR AND FAST.
I was 18 and at my first off campus college party. I was having a great time dancing with a senior until he reached out and grabbed my breasts...hard. You see, I was wearing a low cut blouse and my boobs were well past a DD and I was after all a Freshman invited to a Senior party. I was included in this special group of popular people and if I had to be groped a little in order to be included well then why not right?
Wrong.
My fist balled up and punched him square in the face. I heard a crack and things got messy. I had broken his nose. I hightailed it outta there as fast as I could.
Growing up with very large breasts I am often asked the question,"Can I touch your breasts?" This has never ever been a liberating question. This is (especially at cons) a rather creepy question. What gives you the balls to think that I want your creepy little hands on my glorious globes?
Now, on to how I feel. This includes the idea of internet celebrity, body issues, and why Miss J is still a liberated woman.
Yesterday I expected my fiancee tablesaw to happily go to bed. Instead my blissfully feminist fiancee stayed up arguing over the Open Source boob project. Please before reading further read the first post for yourself. Back? Okay.
He had me read the post, and your usually hard Miss J started to cry. Why? I went right past blinding rage to utter sadness. The way many of these women were portrayed was well, pathetic. I went a little past feminism and straight to ideas on the cult of internet celebrity and much lauded body issues.*
*For the record I love my boobs. I am not ashamed of them, and I am very grateful for them. If you are a real life friend you've probably have helped me adjust a bra strap or something or other. So when I say this I say this from the point of a woman who *is* sexually liberated. I do understand the notion of liberation from the body politic kthanxbai.
This my friends IS NOT IT.
1. The Cult of Internet Celebrity.
I don't understand internet celebrity. As in I don't understand why I should think you're famous because you post on LJ. For the record, I also don't understand why Paris Hilton is famous.
To me internet celebrities are just folks who I may or may not happen to know. This fact means I don't take stock in people who say they're big on the internet. (I do take stock in people I know or like.) However I do understand that attached to these mythical beings are people who really want to be like them. Who need to be close to them. Who do what they say because they are liked. This is exactly like the idea of actual celebrity, but on a smaller scale.
When reading theferrett's post I had been told he was an LJ God. Someone who is heavily read and friended. An LJ God at a con is a well known person. If a person who has lots of friends who might let you in on activities with the popular crowd asks you if they can touch your boobs( and if you don't then you'll be cast later on as obviously an outsider, someone who doesn't "GET IT") someone who is really unsure of themselves will certainly say yes. How many women wore a button of either type because they wanted to be included in on the joke? To be associated with the "in crowd"?
The following excerpt disgusted me:
By the end of the evening, women were coming up to us. "My breasts," they asked shyly, having heard about the project. "Are they... are they good enough to be touched?" And lo, we showed them how beautiful their bodies were without turning it into something tawdry.
We talked about this. It was an Open-Source Project, making breasts available to select folks. (Like any good project, you need access control, because there are loutish men and women who just Don't Get It.) And we wanted a signal to let people know that they were okay with being asked politely, so we turned it into a project...
The idea of a celebrity in your particular fandom coming up to you and asking to touch your breasts, hair, butt, what have you will generally be appealing to you. Why? So you can be apart of their world for a brief moment. So you can essentially hang with the cool kids.
This does not mean they have sexually liberated women. Not by a long shot. This means that they've convinced women that this was okay. God forbid you think its not however, because then no one will want to play with you.
Childish.
I am sure there were plenty of women (many on my friendslist) who would wear a button proudly simply because the idea that they should not be afraid of sexuality appeals to them. I agree. We should not be afraid of our sexuality. However, I should not have to wear a button that says "NO YOU CANT".
For the record(once again) I am already forced to wear many ruminations of this button at cons. Not because of the open source project, but because people at FanCons and Faire ask...A LOT. There is this idea that at either of these places that a woman's body is second to the male gaze and satisfaction. That brings me to....
2. Body Issues and Con Culture
If you've been to a FanCon (Barring well the NPL con and the like) and you're a woman then get ready, you are about to become objectified. It happens at least once every time I go to a con or even a faire.
The idea that a woman's body is on display in her costume and is therefore there for your enjoyment is a common thought at Con. It is Sexist. God forbid you are a lady of ample assets. So... many ....fanboys.
When thinking about the Open source Project I can actually understand how it got started with friends and became a con sort of in-joke. In high school I had a sort of in joke with my girlfriends. It wasn't being objectified when every once in a while Cammy would squeeze my boob and make a sound effect. It was just a funny thing. A funny juvenile thing. It was innocent.
I have heard and read that some of the women women who participated felt this way. Well ladies, bully on you, because you seem to be the only ones doing this "project" some justice. The men involved in the project were not so like minded.
If the open source boob project continued to be this way it would have been fine. However, it spilled into the con at large, rolling faster than a giant snowball in the Alps.
To me this project has nothing to do with being a sexually liberated woman:
And then the real magic happened. Because a beautiful girl in an incredibly skimpy blue Princess outfit strode down the hallway, obviously putting her assets on display (the thin strips of her clothing had to be taped to her body to stay on), and we stopped her.
"Excuse me," the first, very brave girl asked. "You're very beautiful. I'd like to touch your breasts. Would you mind if I did?"
We held our breath. We didn't want to offend. This could go wrong, collapsing and turning us into cruel lechers who'd make her feel uncomfortable and shamed of who she was....
She thought for a heartbeat, sizing us up. But there must have been something honest and trustworthy in our eyes that promised that we wouldn't get out of hand... Because after a moment, she smiled and said, "Sure!"
This passage is once again frankly disturbing. This sort of thing happens frequently at cons. Don't believe me? Ask isako or purpletophat. Women who wear skimpy outfits at cons or even slightly flesh bearing outfits at Cons hear this all the time. Or worse, people just go ahead and do it. I've slapped many a fanboy hand.
The idea that you can touch whatever on display is not body positive. It hearkens back to the common plea: "Well officer she deserved it! She was wearing a mini-skirt! She asked for it." That idea is frankly repugnant. To be fair, I think however that this is more the writer's salivation than the project's.
To sum this section up:
While I understand that the project was started by women and seemed fairly body positive, it did not stay that way. From what was written, I think that it too much of an excuse for the male participants to follow the con fanboy mentality of "Ooooo Boobies!I can HAZ!" Doing this thereby invalidates the innocence of said project.
Moving on.
3. The Idea of the Male Gaze and Privilege
"This should be a better world," a friend of mine said. "A more honest one, where sex isn't shameful or degrading. I wish this was the kind of world where say, 'Wow, I'd like to touch your breasts,' and people would understand that it's not a way of reducing you to a set of nipples and ignoring the rest of you, but rather a way of saying that I may not yet know your mind, but your body is beautiful
I think the italicized part in fact invalidated every other part of this passage. How? Well, by saying that you in fact don't know me but would like to fondle me means that it is more important for you to fondle me than to actually know me. My response to this would have been the following:
"Oh so what you're saying is that my mind is less important that getting to know my tits. You'd like to know my breasts now and my brain later? Well, fuck right off you sleazy bastard!" This may or may not have followed with a nice gesture of my fist getting to know their nose.
I welcome comments on my body. Polite and not so polite comments from friends. As a person who gets oft asked about their breasts I really can't see the liberating difference between a person at a convention asking to feel me up or that one guy in the grocery store asking to feel me up. Just because you asked does not mean it is okay.
Of course the women always retained the right to say no, but really that isn't the point. The point was that these women some of whom did not know the people who asked them, are portrayed as faceless and nameless. Not once mentioned in this article is:
"Hi! My name is Bob and this is my friend Cherise. What's your name?"
"Samantha"
"Nice to meet you Samantha. I was wondering if we could touch your breasts? They're lovely."
Now that doesn't sound half as bad( though to me its still bad) as what was described. The original story is told by a straight, male who in fact does participate throughout the story in blazingly male privilege.
These women aren't being really seen as a whole. They are being seen as various breasts. They are being reduced to body parts. I for one am more than just a fantastic pair of 32 Hs. I am a whole person. If you are going to celebrate my body, well then dammit celebrate all of it, not just the fetishized part of it. The fact the women were also doing the same thing does not make it better. For me, it makes it worse.
I can understand that the author may not want to put his friends on blast, but never did he say he introduced himself first. The idea of some random guy asking to touch my breasts hearkens back to the many noses that have been led off the faces of patrons in bars and colleges parties.
So in my final conclusion I present this:
I am not prude in any way shape or form. I am by all accounts an open and honest person.
I do not need to be felt up in order to feel liberated. I do not need to be touched in order to be apart of something. I do not need you to separate my personality from my boobs, even if you really really love them. You want to touch my boobs? Be a good friend of mine. Know me. Know my NAME. Know my brain first and my body later.
If you ever come up to me at a Con, house party or other social event and and ask to touch my boobs and I have never met you I can only give you one suggestion...
RUN. RUN FAR AND FAST.