im falling apart.

Jul 05, 2004 21:42

yeah.. life is BLOWING major ass right now. i watching my family fall apart, and they dont even realize they are. they dont see how their actions will effect each other. theyre keeping secrets from each other and its going to ruin us. monica knows what im talking about... and its not fair to my mom. its just not fair. and i cant say anything cos my dad threatened me... that doesnt scare me. i want to tell her so bad because its not fair she should be kept in the dark. but im scared of what will happen if i do... im so confused. im so stressed over EVERYTHING. ben still hasnt called me. he doesnt answer his phone when i call him. and he doesnt reply to my messages. im sick of it. i miss him.. how he was. i miss having him around me all the time as someone to turn to.. i could really use that right now. i miss him all together. as a lover, a friend, someone to talk to, i miss his stupid jokes and everything. but hes being a dick now and im not gunna take that shit. if hes gunna be like that then i can be like that 100x's worse.

i didnt go to work today cos my neck is royally fuct.. i cant move it in any sort of way to the right. i cant even make it strait. its being ghey. hardcore. the chiropractor was closed today cosa the holiday...

i know this really doesnt sound like me.. but im so... fustrated with EVERYTHING.. i just wanna curl up and cry. i cant see a way out. i dont know what to do.. i wish this was just a bad soap opera on tv that i could turn off and go back to living my normal life. but this is my normal life now. and im so confused.....

this always happens.. things will be great. so great. and then they go to shit.
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