Beta please?

[lionille]

Anyone care to look over a present tense fic of 1,720 words? I will take concrit on anything from pacing to plot to places I forgot to convert a verb. After the fic I left a couple questions I had, too. Thanks very much!

Title: -undecided-
Pairing: Glambrose/Cain
Rating: pg15

Comments

Quicky Beta

[blackletter]

1) I generally like present tense (so long as it's kept consistant) so I thought it worked fine here.

2)A touch more description of the salon would probably ground the actions in place more. It doesn't even have to be long, just one or two evocative sentences.

3)I thought that length and pacing was spot on.

4) Nope!

I being very careful to avoid things I find particularly distressing right now."

I think you're missing a verb here.

A very nice, very sweet fic. (And a great one to dip back into the fandom with after these last few months of non-fanfic business.)

Re: Quicky Beta

[lionille]

Thank you very much!
I agree the salon needs some more detail...color of the room or something... I can see it clearly in my head but didn't convey it at all.
Missing verb! Good spot!
It's good to see you back and about in fandom! ^^

[koslorollo]

Present tense! Sweet!

[candacestls]

First, I'm going to be absolutely no help here, sorry. I loved it just the way you wrote it

[lionille]

Cain's method of distracting himself made me squee like a fifties teenager at an Elvis concert :D

*sprays coffee* What finer compliment could anybody get - you made my day! :D

Somehow I see post-rebrainment Ambrose as very anxious, which is kind of sad, because Glitch is so delightfully carefree about things. Hopefully Cain will lighten him up, hee! (role reversal!)