(no subject)
I guess everythig in my life is going good. I mean it could be worst I'm living from day to day anit I? It hard to understand why I let myself do the things i do even when I know I shouldn't. I know I have grown into someone that I wasn't a month ago, I'd like to think of this as a good change, other people might not agree but oh well I could only satisfy only so many people, but I should satisfy myself over everyone, I should be happy with who I am and shouldn't be embarrassed...which I'm not.
Today I felt like I was gonna cry while talking to James and Dan thinking about the whole situation with J.B T.N it just makes me go crazy. I just don't want to loose T.N cause he's soo close to me, and loosing him as a friend would just make me go crazy.
Oh my mom and dad... its soo hard with them. They expect soo much from me. They want me to be this person I'm not at all. Its hard knowing that I'm living up to their expectations. At home theres extreme pressure from them. I know they just want me to do well, but I can't with all this pressure to be someone else.. I guess they'll jsut have to exepect me for who I am right now.
And this whole Alexa and Becky thing is driving me insane,[yah I know you uys are reading this] I know I haven't been there lately but I need time alone to be with myself that type of thing ya know? And Lake Compounce... I wasn't around with you guys because you guys were with Erika, I felt uncomfortable with her. Thats the REAL reason why I wasn't with you guys. Its hard because I know she doesn't like me, I didn't want to bother having to deal with that on Friday. I also know I haven't been the bestest friend that I'm capable of but this is a time in my life where I need to grow. I'm sorry.. and that won't make up for my ignorance and immaturity but I am sorry.
I'm sorry...
Today I felt like I was gonna cry while talking to James and Dan thinking about the whole situation with J.B T.N it just makes me go crazy. I just don't want to loose T.N cause he's soo close to me, and loosing him as a friend would just make me go crazy.
Oh my mom and dad... its soo hard with them. They expect soo much from me. They want me to be this person I'm not at all. Its hard knowing that I'm living up to their expectations. At home theres extreme pressure from them. I know they just want me to do well, but I can't with all this pressure to be someone else.. I guess they'll jsut have to exepect me for who I am right now.
And this whole Alexa and Becky thing is driving me insane,[yah I know you uys are reading this] I know I haven't been there lately but I need time alone to be with myself that type of thing ya know? And Lake Compounce... I wasn't around with you guys because you guys were with Erika, I felt uncomfortable with her. Thats the REAL reason why I wasn't with you guys. Its hard because I know she doesn't like me, I didn't want to bother having to deal with that on Friday. I also know I haven't been the bestest friend that I'm capable of but this is a time in my life where I need to grow. I'm sorry.. and that won't make up for my ignorance and immaturity but I am sorry.
I'm sorry...