rykett. by danielle.
I guess you might have noticed how much I’ve been secluded lately. I guess you think you did something wrong. I guess this is all my fault. It doesn’t make it hurt less that ten minutes ago your small frame was against mine and now, you’re gone. For good. Maybe it was the songs I was writing, maybe I did something to upset you. Either way, I’m all alone, and I don’t like it.
I miss the smell of vanilla in my sheets, and your warm chocolate eyes, and your soft auburn hair, I was always brushing those damn bangs out of your eyes. I miss the way you taste and the way your arms were always wrapped around me and the way your fingers fit perfectly with mine. What about all your promises?
Your name tastes bitter in my mouth as I call Mike. He’ll know what to do, he’ll know what to say. Was I opening up to him more than you? Are you jealous? This really is all my fault. Mike assures me it’s not, but I know. I was blocking out the one person who I needed, and filling it with words and riffs and best friends who will never mean as much to me.
I hang up the phone and pull on a jacket. I know exactly where you are, and I know exactly what you’re doing, and I know all too well what will make you smile. Starting down the cold Chicago streets I stop and buy flowers, and I’ve messed up so many times they know me there and they know just as well as I do what will make it all better.
And there you are. Sitting on the park bench, with your knees to your chest, staring lifelessly at the frozen over lake, watching the ducks waddle across the ice. I sit next to your shaking form and put the flowers between us. You don’t look over.
“I’m sorry,” I say quietly shoving my hands into my pockets. You still don’t say anything. “Ry, I know I messed up, but-“
“No, no buts. Every time we go through the same motions and that’s all we are anymore Will. It’s just motions and routines and comfort. We’re too afraid to leave each other because it’s like moving to a new city, we just don’t want to relocate,” you snap as more tears ran down your porcelain face, big black tears running along your smooth cheeks.
“That’s not true”
“Yes it is Will! How can you say you fucking love me when every other week we’re sitting on this bench and you’re buying me flowers?”
“George Ryan Ross! Don’t ever tell me I don’t love you,” I say taking your face in my hand and you pull away sniffling. “Please baby, tell me what I’m doing-“
“I told you, it’s not the same. We just go through routines, there’s nothing there”
You’re throwing daggers at my heart, you just don’t know it, and you’re hitting it. Hard. Over and over you’re jabbing that knife called your words into me. It fucking burns, and it’s my turn to sit in silence.
“I think you’re just…really preoccupied right now with the record and everything so…maybe it would just be best if we took a little break,” you say quietly as more tears escape those pretty little eyes of yours.
“If you think that’s what it is…I can always-“
“No, I don’t want to get in the way of your music”
“You’re pretty much deciding where the record is going from here,” I point out not to be harsh but the words come out rough. It’s true though, I can’t lie to paper and if you leave me then that paper is going to become my best friend.
“Well, I guess everyone can expect a somber sophomore release from the academy fucking is,” you say, bitterly standing. I grab your hand and pull you to my lips and you sink into my lap and then you’re sobbing into my shoulder. “I’m s-sorry. I j-just can’t stand how d-disconnected I feel from y-you. I-I should understand, b-but I j-just feel excluded”
“Shh,” I coo in your ear, stroking that silky mess of hair out of your watery eyes. “I know I’ve been distant, I promise I’ll be better. Just don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me.”
“I promise” You sniffle, barely audile and I smile kissing your forehead.
I miss the smell of vanilla in my sheets, and your warm chocolate eyes, and your soft auburn hair, I was always brushing those damn bangs out of your eyes. I miss the way you taste and the way your arms were always wrapped around me and the way your fingers fit perfectly with mine. What about all your promises?
Your name tastes bitter in my mouth as I call Mike. He’ll know what to do, he’ll know what to say. Was I opening up to him more than you? Are you jealous? This really is all my fault. Mike assures me it’s not, but I know. I was blocking out the one person who I needed, and filling it with words and riffs and best friends who will never mean as much to me.
I hang up the phone and pull on a jacket. I know exactly where you are, and I know exactly what you’re doing, and I know all too well what will make you smile. Starting down the cold Chicago streets I stop and buy flowers, and I’ve messed up so many times they know me there and they know just as well as I do what will make it all better.
And there you are. Sitting on the park bench, with your knees to your chest, staring lifelessly at the frozen over lake, watching the ducks waddle across the ice. I sit next to your shaking form and put the flowers between us. You don’t look over.
“I’m sorry,” I say quietly shoving my hands into my pockets. You still don’t say anything. “Ry, I know I messed up, but-“
“No, no buts. Every time we go through the same motions and that’s all we are anymore Will. It’s just motions and routines and comfort. We’re too afraid to leave each other because it’s like moving to a new city, we just don’t want to relocate,” you snap as more tears ran down your porcelain face, big black tears running along your smooth cheeks.
“That’s not true”
“Yes it is Will! How can you say you fucking love me when every other week we’re sitting on this bench and you’re buying me flowers?”
“George Ryan Ross! Don’t ever tell me I don’t love you,” I say taking your face in my hand and you pull away sniffling. “Please baby, tell me what I’m doing-“
“I told you, it’s not the same. We just go through routines, there’s nothing there”
You’re throwing daggers at my heart, you just don’t know it, and you’re hitting it. Hard. Over and over you’re jabbing that knife called your words into me. It fucking burns, and it’s my turn to sit in silence.
“I think you’re just…really preoccupied right now with the record and everything so…maybe it would just be best if we took a little break,” you say quietly as more tears escape those pretty little eyes of yours.
“If you think that’s what it is…I can always-“
“No, I don’t want to get in the way of your music”
“You’re pretty much deciding where the record is going from here,” I point out not to be harsh but the words come out rough. It’s true though, I can’t lie to paper and if you leave me then that paper is going to become my best friend.
“Well, I guess everyone can expect a somber sophomore release from the academy fucking is,” you say, bitterly standing. I grab your hand and pull you to my lips and you sink into my lap and then you’re sobbing into my shoulder. “I’m s-sorry. I j-just can’t stand how d-disconnected I feel from y-you. I-I should understand, b-but I j-just feel excluded”
“Shh,” I coo in your ear, stroking that silky mess of hair out of your watery eyes. “I know I’ve been distant, I promise I’ll be better. Just don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me.”
“I promise” You sniffle, barely audile and I smile kissing your forehead.