Salt, Water, My Wounds (III)
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The air is gratifyingly cool when they stumble out on deck, still flushed and winded, and Arthur boldly kisses Merlin out in the open. Merlin laughs and deepens it for a moment before pushing the other man away, looking around, and Arthur holds him close.
“Stop, we’ll be seen,” Merlin protests half-heartedly.
“Didn’t I say that I don’t care?” Arthur teases, eyes reckless, and Merlin laughs again, says, “You are such an arse,” and he’s never laughed so much in his life. He is warm and delicious tired, wanting to be wherever Arthur is.
Arthur nuzzles his neck. “Are you going back to your room?”
Merlin wants to say no. “Yes,” he says instead. “Morgana will worry.”
“Damn that woman,” Arthur asks and finally pulls back with a soft kiss to his neck. “All right, off you go.”
“You’re not even going to accompany me?”
A grin quirks Arthur’s lips. “You really are a girl, aren’t you?”
Merlin huffs indignantly. “I assure you that I’m not a girl. I think you know that by now.”
Arthur looks at him slyly, enjoying the flush that climbs up Merlin’s neck. “Oh yes, I do,” he murmurs huskily, “and I very much enjoyed finding it out.”
“You’re horrible,” Merlin says with a blinding smile. “Maybe my sister is right about you.”
They grin idiotically at each other for a few more seconds before Merlin coughs. “Erm, I really have to get going. If my Aunt realises I’m gone - ”
“Yeah,” Arthur nods and brings him closer, brushing their noses. “Goodnight, then.”
Merlin smiles softly. “Goodnight, Arthur.”
They kiss gently, nothing but a careful brushing of lips, and Merlin reluctantly pulls back only to be yanked forward again, Arthur kissing him deeper. Merlin instantly winds his arms around the man’s neck, opening his mouth wider, and they become lost in each other’s taste, in the warmth they’ve only recently discovered, and a shiver goes up Merlin’s spine -
“Iceberg up ahead!” someone yells frantically and they pull apart, stunned, as the person shouts again, “Iceberg up ahead!”
Arthur runs to the side of the ship and Merlin follows, jaw slack as he sees the gigantic object floating in the water. It is so close that he would be able to touch it in a little while.
“Jesus,” Arthur breathes.
“Do you think we’ll hit it?” Merlin asks anxiously, eying Arthur from the corner of his eye.
“We might,” Arthur answers grimly, “if they don’t turn the ship in time.”
He is suddenly cold. Merlin’s eyes widen and he clutches Arthur’s arm. “My god, if she does hit it…”
“Don’t even think it,” Arthur snaps.
They watch as the ship slowly turns to the side, trying to avoid a collision, and Merlin holds his breath as the iceberg is right there -
Arthur grabs the back of his shirt and pulls him from the edge, yelling, “Get back!”
A shudder forces its way through the ship as the side of the hull drags against the ice, pieces falling off and rolling on the deck. Merlin stares in disbelief as they pass right next to the massive iceberg. Arthur curses and kicks at a stray block, the ice skidding across the floor. Up ahead, people are shouting and running back into the ship, some of them leaning over the side to glimpse the damage. Merlin’s mouth is dry and he licks his lips. The night has taken on an unexpected turn for the worse and he can’t even begin to imagine what might happen from now on.
Arthur’s touch startles him and he whips around, eyes wide. “You need to go and get your family,” Arthur tells him. “Bring them up as quickly as possible.”
Merlin stares incomprehensibly at him. “You don’t think…”
“I don’t know,” Arthur says grimly.
Merlin gives a nervous chuckle. “There’s no way, surely; the Titanic is unsinkable!”
“Just go,” Arthur says. “I’ll go get Lancelot and Gawain and we’ll meet back up here as soon as possible.”
“But - ”
Hands gently push him towards the door. “Merlin, you saw the size of that thing. It’s better to be safe now go.”
Merlin reluctantly ducks inside and runs back to the first class cabins. People are coming out of their rooms, faces bemused, and Merlin sprints past them. He doesn’t want to believe that anything might happen to the ship but his heart is beating anxiously, unable to help but think what if? Arthur is right; even if it’s nothing, it is better if his family is above deck and ready. Morgana and Gwen are outside their suite, wearing twin looks of curiosity.
“What on earth is going on?” Morgana demands as Merlin comes to a stop in front of them, gasping for breath. “Where have you been, Merlin?”
“Something’s happened,” Merlin says, looking at them urgently.
“Of course something’s happened,” Morgana retorts nastily. “But what exactly happened?”
Merlin chooses to ignore his sister’s temper. “The ship hit an iceberg and I think we should head out where it’s safe.”
Gwen covers her mouth with a hand, eyes wide, and Morgana pales. “Don’t be ridiculous, Merlin,” she voices skeptically, trying to appear calm. “You know that the Titanic is unsinkable! You shouldn’t panic, I’m certain it is merely an insignificant little scratch.”
“No, it’s more than that,” Merlin insists, reaching for his sister. “Arthur and I saw it. Where’s Aunt Nimueh? We need to leave right now.”
Morgana yanks her arm away, expression unforgiving. “You were with that man? You said you wouldn’t go after him anymore!”
Frustration creeps into Merlin’s voice and he spreads out his arms. “Morgana, please, just let it go. You should grab your coats, it’s freezing outside, and - ”
“No, I won’t go with you unless you promise me you won’t seek him out!”
“Lady Morgana!” Gwen cries in shock, staring at the other woman as if she’s never seen her before.
Morgana ignores Gwen and fixes her eyes on Merlin, hands fisted at her sides. She lifts her chin. “You choose, Merlin.”
Merlin tugs at his hair, agitated, unable to believe what he’s hearing. Morgana has been acting strangely these past few days but this, this is beyond anything than Merlin has imagined. “I don’t understand,” he says helplessly. “Why do you hate him so much?”
The honest confusion in Merlin’s voice doesn’t soften Morgana’s stance, only serves to harden her countenance further. “Gwen, leave us.”
Gwen is about to protest when Merlin nods gently at her, says, “Go on, Gwen, why don’t you fetch Aunt Nimueh and Sophia. Make sure they bring their coats with them.”
She wavers for a bit before obeying, giving a quick curtsy, before disappearing into the suite. There is no one else in the hallway.
“I remember him,” Morgana begins without prompting, staring at the wall above Merlin’s shoulder. “I dreamt of him once, before, when I was too young and the nightmares were only beginning. I dreamt of him with you, here.” She glances at the incredulous look on Merlin’s face. “But it didn’t mean anything and I ultimately forgot about it until a few days ago, when I saw him. Before that I, I’ve been dreaming of this ship, of you drowning in the ocean, and it’s going to happen, Merlin, if you go with him so please, I beg you, don’t go with him. I can’t lose you.”
Merlin is shaking his head, holding up his hand to keep Morgana away. “That’s…that’s impossible, Morgana. Dreams aren’t real and - ”
Morgana throws herself at him, clutching the lapels of his jacket tightly. “I saw you two,” she breathes out in a shaky voice. “In the cargo hold, holding each other, in the back of someone’s Renault - ”
Merlin jerks back, stunned, and stares at his sister. “You…”
Tears fill up Morgana’s eyes. “I know, I know you love him but you will die, Merlin. Please, swear to me you won’t go find him, please.”
Thoughts race through Merlin’s head, one after another, and he doesn’t know what to believe anymore. It’s impossible that Morgana has been seeing the future through her nightmares as she’s always said, always claimed, but how could she have known where he and Arthur were earlier? Merlin looks down at her beseeching expression, eyes glittering and moist. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, unsure of what to do, and he places his hands on Morgana’s shoulders and push her away.
“Merlin?” she asks, sounding afraid. Her haughty mask is gone and it’s heartbreaking to see her like this. “Morgana,” he starts and brushes away a tear as it streaks down one cheek. “All right, I won’t. I…won’t. Go get your coat, I’ll wait right here.”
Morgana closes her eyes for a long time before finally releasing her grip on her brother, composes herself, and then slips past the door. Merlin leans against the wall, staring blankly at the ceiling. Blood rushes in his ears and his heart constricts. He knows he’s lying, and maybe Morgana even knows too, because that is one promise Merlin cannot make. He tries calming his frenzied thoughts, pushing back Morgana’s startling revelation to the back of his mind. He won’t think of it yet, can’t, because it’s too fantastic to even consider.
The door opens and Gwen leads Aunt Nimueh into the hallway, wrapped in her favourite blue cloak, followed by Morgana and Sophia.
“What is the meaning of this?” Nimueh demands in the same fashion as her niece, glaring at Merlin. “Why did you drag me out of my sleep? Merlin, explain yourself.”
“The ship hit a iceberg,” Merlin says bluntly, spying a steward knocking on doors on the other side of the hall. “It’s best if we stay on deck until we know more about what’s happening.”
“An iceberg? But the Titanic is unsinkable.”
Merlin is getting tired of hearing that. “Please, Aunt, if there’s nothing wrong then we’ll return to our rooms and you can yell at me later. Just follow me for now.”
Nimueh eyes him for a moment before nodding. “Fine, Merlin, if you insist. Lead the way.”
-
Already the deck is a flurry of activity, the crew running to and fro, lifting the lifeboats and turning them over. A bright orange glare fills up the dark sky and Merlin stares up at the flare as it soars upwards, heart thudding. Most of the first class passengers are milling about in confusion, talking in hushed, nervous tones.
“This is all nonsense,” Nimueh states as she shivers in the cold. “Nothing is wrong and - ”
But she is silenced when the First Officer begins to speak. “Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention. Because of some unforeseen circumstances, we will be boarding the lifeboats and the women and children will go first. I implore everyone to keep calm, thank you.”
After that is all a blur for Merlin. He can remember the anxious looks on Nimueh’s and Morgana’s faces, Sophia clinging to Gwen, but the rest is a haze as he looks around the deck for a glimpse of Arthur. More and more people are pouring outside, wandering in confusion, voices all melding together in a cacophony. The first class passengers are the ones primarily ushered on the lifeboats and Nimueh complains all the while as the officers help her into one. Morgana is next and Merlin prods her forward, still glancing around, and there, he finally spots him. Arthur is pushing through the crowd, helping a little girl that stumbles and handing her over to her grateful mother, and Merlin stops.
Morgana turns to him and sees Arthur as well. Her hand clutches his sleeve. “Merlin, you promised me.”
He looks back at her with wide eyes. “I…”
It’s then that Gwen steps in between them, her expression blazing. “Morgana, that’s enough. You can’t make Merlin do this; make him choose because it is unfair. He loves Arthur and I don’t know what will happen but you have to trust him.”
“What is going on?” Nimueh asks loudly, staring at the three of them.
Morgana glares at the sleeve she’s clutching before snatching her hand away. She turns around without a word and accepts the help of one of the crew as she steps into the lifeboat. Merlin stares after her, heart constricting, but already he’s turning away.
“Merlin,” Gwen calls and looks directly into his eyes. “I’ll watch over her even if she doesn’t me to. I trust you to come back. And…” For the first time, worry shines in Gwen’s eyes and she bites her lower lip. “And if you see Lancelot…”
He hugs her tightly, wishing Morgana had given him the chance to do the same. “I’ll make sure he’s safe.” Merlin steps a step back and another, as Gwen wipes at her eyes, and Nimueh calls out frantically, “Merlin? Merlin! Where are you going?”
Merlin turns away and disappears into the crowd, pushing and sidestepping as the people begin to push at each other, yelling and crying to be put on the lifeboats. Merlin shouts, “Arthur! Arthur!” and tries to keep the blond head in his sight. He nearly loses his balance twice and finally breaks free of the clamouring crowd.
A firm hand grips his arm and spins him around and Merlin catches sight of Arthur’s face before he is crushed in the other man’s embrace.
“I’ve been looking for you,” Arthur bites out with worry clear in his voice.
“I’m sorry; I was making sure that Morgana and Aunt Nimueh got into one of the lifeboats first.”
Arthur lets out a breath and releases him, conscious of the other passengers everywhere. Merlin misses his touch instantly. “And Gwen?” Arthur asks.
“She’s with them,” Merlin assures him. “She asked me to find Lancelot for her.”
“I couldn’t find him and Gawain,” Arthur explains with an aggravated sigh. “There are still passengers below; I was just going down there to find him. Why don’t you go find a lifeboat and I’ll follow you after.”
Merlin scowls at him. “Don’t be an arse, Pendragon. I’m coming with you.”
“No,” Arthur instantly turns down.
“Yes,” Merlin persists, glaring.
They glare at each for a moment before Arthur lets out a disbelieving huff. “Fine, god, you’re an idiot. Let’s go.”
They make their way back into the ship, fighting their way against the tide of people going the opposite direction, and they hurry down the endless stairs until they reach the third class level. Arthur leads them to his room, Merlin following closely behind, and Arthur opens the door only to find it empty.
“Fuck, where could they be?” Arthur cursed, kicking the door close with a bang.
Merlin chews on his lower lip. “Perhaps we missed them on the way down, maybe they’re already outside. We should head back.”
The floor under their feet gives a noticeable shudder and Merlin holds on to Arthur for balance. The Titanic gives a straining cry that has them wincing.
“We really should head back,” Merlin repeats and Arthur blows his breath out, nodding.
They retrace their steps and climb up the stairs once more only to find it blocked halfway up the ship, the gate lowered and locked.
“Hey!” Arthur yells, rattling the gate. “Hey, let us out!”
But there’s no one around. Merlin thinks furiously and grabs Arthur’s hand, pulling him away. “Come on, we can cut through the diningroom on the other side. I don’t think they’ve locked it.”
The lights flicker repeatedly and Merlin keeps his thoughts away from the water outside the ship, on either side of him. He tries not to imagine what could happen at any moment, the Titanic ripping in half to drown them all.
It feels like eternity until they reach the first class diningroom, empty of people, the tables already set up perfectly for the next day’s use. Arthur grabs Merlin’s hand.
The ship begins to tilt, so subtly that they don't notice. Arthur drags Merlin across the empty ballroom, fingers securely around the other man’s wrist. They say nothing between them but now and then Arthur’s grip tightens in reassurance. The wine glass on a nearby table catches Merlin’s attention and he stops abruptly, yanking Arthur back, and the blond turns to him with a scowl.
“What’s the matter?” Arthur asks sharply. Merlin says nothing but he pales and Arthur follows the line of his sight. The wine glass is teetering to one side and they watch it tip over the edge and shatter, the sound echoing in their chests. They look around them as more glasses, plates, utensils, and vases roll off the tables, dragging the tablecloth with them.
Merlin starts feeling it too, the downward pull of gravity, and Arthur looks a little wild-eyed as he jerks them forward, breaking into a run as they jump over broken glass and sliding chairs while everything breaks around them. The chandelier sways above their heads.
“The ship, it’s,” Merlin stutters as the blond kicks the door open, “we’re sinking.”
“Shut up,” Arthur says and they burst out on another hallway, finding a staircase that isn’t blocked. They climb the stairs three at a time, panting from exertion, and finally burst out on deck. It is pandemonium as people shove and yell to get to the lifeboats. A little boy is clutching his mother’s dress as she tries pushing to the front of the chaos, shouting desperately, and her voice is only one of many, all melting together into one loud despairing cry. Merlin looks away, heart lodged in his throat, and sees the hardness in Arthur’s eyes.
“They should be filling those boats with more people,” Arthur bites out, shoulders drawn up tight, and his grip tightens to the point of pain. “They’ll never get all of us out of this fucking ship.”
Merlin shakes his head helplessly. “They won’t do it. I don’t know…we won’t make it.”
Arthur whirls to face him, expression unyielding. “We will make it, all right? Don’t you dare think that way, Merlin, or I’ll hit you.”
“God, you’re a prat,” Merlin says with a strangled laugh, warmth creeping to push back some of the fear.
Suddenly, the Titanic gives a keening cry that has everyone falling silent until only the waves and groaning of metal can be heard. One of the funnels collapses and it crushes part of the deck and people on the water. Arthur and Merlin share a look before they both start moving to the back of the ship, urging people to follow them, and the ship tilts even more. Merlin’s breath comes in short pants from the slanting climb and the fear choking him, clutching Arthur’s hand so tightly and uncaring that anyone might see but nobody notices as they frantically scramble upward, grabbing on anything that might support them as the stern steadily rises out of the water.
“Oh god, oh my god,” Merlin mutters as he grips on a pole nearby and hauls Arthur forward. Several people are jumping off the ship into the icy waters, some falling as they lose balance, and Merlin’s heart is beating so painfully, thinking of his sister, Gwen, and how everything is crumbling around him, and he thinks of Arthur and what will happen if they don’t make it, or if something will happen to the other man and -
Arthur seizes him close and glares furiously at him. “I said don’t, Merlin. We have to keep going.”
Merlin swallows and they do, struggling to reach the back of the ship even as it climbs higher and higher, and they both slip once or twice, the other holding on as tightly as possible. Merlin’s muscles are aching, begging for rest, but he forces himself to move, move, move, and be deaf to the screams ripping through the air, louder than the crash of falling objects to water, the grate and groan of the ship breaking in half. The lights flicker on and off a few times before darkness settles. Only the moon overhead, and the occasional burst of the emergency flares, provides light.
“Come on, come on,” Arthur says, features twisted with tight panic, tugging continuously on both of Merlin’s hands and they fight their way to the very end of the ship, clutching one of the masts as the ship breaks apart between the last two funnels and the bow goes under the surface, dragging along everything nearby. Merlin manages to curl his fingers around the railings, clinging with one hand as he helps the women next to him up to her feet. The bow rights itself for a brief second, giving the people time to find anything to grab, and Arthur tells Merlin to, “climb over to the other side, hurry,” just as the floating half begins to incline once more. They shout for the others to do the same, dragging them over to the other side, and when there is no more room, when people are slipping and sliding as their grips weaken, when there are those who purposely push people away just to find a safe spot, Arthur moves and settles heavily on Merlin’s back, arms on either side of him, face buried into Merlin’s neck as he yells urgently to be heard over the deafening noise, “Just hold on, all right? Just…hold on as fucking tightly as you can.”
Merlin glances over his shoulder and can barely see the cluster of lifeboats in the distance, watching mercilessly, and even as anger seizes him at the fact that they aren’t doing anything to help, Merlin is grateful because his family is safe, far away from this all too real nightmare. The Titanic, or what is left of her, rises up and up until she is completely vertical, and Merlin and Arthur watch with wide, horrified eyes as the hull begins to sink into the thrashing water, greedily and surely swallowing up every inch of ship.
The man next to them is praying desperately, calling out to God for help, and others echo his pleas. “We’ll be dragged into the water and drown!” Merlin yells to Arthur as the water is halfway to the edge of the hull. “We need to jump and swim away as far as possible!”
Arthur jerks his head at him and entangles their hands again, a cold, secure grip, and they watch for another moment as the water swirls ever closer. “Ready?” Arthur asks and Merlin nods, takes a deep breath, before they let go of the rails and plunge into the water.
The breath is forced out of Merlin’s lungs as the shock of the freezing water hits him, like thousands of needles piercing his skin into his chest. He flails in the water, hitting other people nearby, and that’s when he realises that Arthur is gone. Panic crashes into him and he frantically looks around, kicking the water to keep him afloat, and yelling “Arthur!” repeatedly at the top of his lungs. “Oh god, Arthur!” Merlin calls hoarsely, voice taking a hysterical edge, and somebody unexpectedly pushes him underwater, a body trying to climb over his. Merlin gurgles as he breaks the surface, gulping in air and water, before he’s forced down again. He kicks at the person, fighting to break free as his lungs scream for oxygen, desperately wanting Arthur, when the body over him disappears and arms clamp around his shoulders and haul him up.
“Fuck, y-you’re all right, Merlin, M-Merlin,” Arthur is saying over and over, dripping wet and teeth chattering, expression wrecked as he holds Merlin above water. The blond kisses him and it’s cold and fearful and painful all at once. Merlin clings to Arthur’s hands, swallowing back his tears, and he asks, “W-What are w-we going to d-do?”
Arthur’s head whips around and he propels them away from the writhing bodies in the water. Already, the chill is entering their bodies, bringing fatigue and weighing them down. Their movements turn sluggish, their wet hair drying and icing over, and Arthur finally spots something flat and floating up ahead. He pulls Merlin with him and reaches for the object with one hand. It’s a wide door that has somehow come loose from the ship and Merlin wearily lugs his body up on it, shivering violently when the water on his skin dries.
He inches back to keep the door steady as Arthur grips the edge to pull himself up but it still sinks into the water, nearly upending Merlin. Merlin stares wide-eyed at him and Arthur sucks in a deep breath.
“All r-right,” Arthur says calmly. “All right, you just stay there and I’ll hold on to you.”
“No, but y-you’ll, you have to be out of t-the w-water. I’ll just…s-stay there w-with you…”
“Don’t be a i-idiot,” Arthur bites out without heat, staring at Merlin with an expression that shuts him up. “As I s-said, you stay t-there.”
“B-But - ” Merlin tries again.
Arthur glares at him, mouth in a firm line, and Merlin reluctantly swallows his protests. He creeps across the door - wide enough for both of them, god - and clutches one of Arthur’s hands that are holding on to the edge.
Merlin stares fiercely at him. “D-Don’t let go.”
“…I won’t.”
-
Gradually, everything goes quiet. The cries turn into whimpers, then into pathetic splashes in the distance, until there is nothing. Merlin shuts his eyes against the silence and forces himself not to think about the hundreds of people freezing to death, or are dead, and of Arthur’s hand so, so very cold - no, Arthur is still breathing, staring at Merlin unwaveringly. Merlin can see the ice in Arthur’s golden hair, eyebrows, on his cheeks, frosting over in the extreme temperature; and he counts the other man’s every breath, matching his own to the slow, steady rhythm.
They’re floating in the black water, in the middle of nowhere, and beneath them the Titanic has sunk to the depths. That great ship brought down by a fateful encounter with an iceberg.
“My s-sister saw t-this,” Merlin says faintly. He doesn’t need to yell to be heard. “Bits and p-pieces, I think, but she knew a d-disaster was going to happen. That’s w-why she d-doesn’t like you.”
“I c-caused this?” Arthur asks dryly, tone like dry gravel, and Merlin is grateful he doesn’t ask questions.
“No, she t-thinks y-you’re the reason I’m h-here.” Merlin meets Arthur’s eyes and in the moonlight, they are luminous. “B-But I’m here because I w-want to b-be, even floating in t-this freezing ocean w-with you.”
Arthur looks away for a brief moment and then back at him, surprisingly tender. “Then y-you’re an idiot,” he says fondly. “I should have known b-better than to fall in l-love with an i-idiot like y-you.”
Merlin closes his eyes, smiling sadly up at the stars.
-
“It’s cold,” Merlin whispers and every now and then, a shiver goes through his exhausted body. “Arthur?”
It takes a while before he can hear the soft ‘hmmmm’ from the other man. Merlin’s throat closes up and he lets out a frosty breath. Tears gather at the corner of his eyes and his fingers grip even tighter to Arthur’s stiff ones. He thinks of the night they had earlier, the way they laughed into each other’s mouths before turning into hungry sounds, touching and moving and learning, thinking they had the rest of their lives to do it over and over.
A sob catches in his throat and he forces it down. Any moment now the other lifeboats will come to rescue them, or perhaps a passing ship. They’ll be fine, and together, and they will be happy.
“M-Merlin,” Arthur says and he chooses not to think of how weak the other man’s voice is, how Arthur’s grip has lost its intent but remains tight as the hand muscles freeze in that position. “M-Merlin,” he repeats, eyes half-closed and unfocused. “P-Promise me s-something.”
He wants to say anything, Arthur but knows he won’t be able to do it. So he stays silent and waits for Arthur to finish.
Arthur shudders jerkily, lips blue. “When y-you get o-out of h-here - ”
“No, n-no, n-no,” Merlin instantly says and Arthur shushes him, forcing his arm to stretch and grasp Merlin’s chin. “You will,” the blond insists, “and w-when you d-do, I w-want you to, to m-marry that girl and l-live for me. Yeah? All right, M-Merlin?”
“I w-won’t,” he swears, “I c-can’t. Please, A-Arthur, don’t say, don’t make me, n-no, w-we’ll be fine, y-you’ll see.”
It’s only the look in Arthur’s eyes that keeps Merlin from breaking apart. “B-But if w-we won’t be, t-then you h-have to s-survive this. F-Forget me and…and…I’m not sorry,” Arthur suddenly says fiercely, sounding almost angry, and his fingers brush against the tears drying on Merlin’s cheeks. “I’m not sorry.”
“So am I,” Merlin tells him and turns his face just so to kiss the chilled fingertips. He can barely get the words at, unable to believe he is forced to say this. He thinks he can hear the last thing breaking and it’s his heart.
“We h-have to s-stay a-awake,” Merlin says. “W-We c-can’t fall a-asleep until t-they come for u-us.” He reaches over and lightly slaps Arthur, causing the other man to blink. “Hey, d-don’t close y-your eyes.”
An indeterminable amount of time passes and Merlin grows colder. A thick fog settles in his head until it becomes difficult to think, to remember to keep his eyes open and breathe. He’s lost the sensation on his arms and legs; he can barely feel Arthur’s hand anymore.
“T-They’re going to c-come,” he tells Arthur, forcing his eyes to stare up at the sky. “S-Surely they w-will.”
There’s no answer. Merlin licks his cracked lips and doesn’t look.
In the distance, he can hear the quiet splash of water against the door’s edges. He’s curled on top of it like a comma, needing warmth but finding none, not even from the hold he has on Arthur’s still hand.
Merlin is tired. He wants to sleep next to Arthur, to go back to a few hours ago when he was happy, the happiest he’s ever been, and his eyes flutter close, drifting.
Something jerks him awake and Merlin gasps in a deep icy breath. He blinks at the sky before turning to the side. He remains still, fingers convulsing around Arthur’s, and there, there, he can hear the creak and splash of oars in the water. Relief so deep rushes through him and Merlin lets out a cry. He rolls on his stomach and towards Arthur, the door dipping slightly at the shift of weight.
Arthur’s eyes are closed and Merlin reaches out with his other hand to nudge his shoulder. “A-Arthur, you p-prat, I t-told you not t-to fall a-asleep. W-Wake up, t-they’re here; d-didn’t I t-tell you they w-would c-come? Arthur, A-Arthur.”
Arthur says nothing, doesn’t move, doesn’t open his eyes. Merlin’s fingers dig into the man’s shoulders. “A-Arthur, this i-isn’t funny. W-Wake up, w-wake up!”
Nothing.
Merlin’s voice trembles and he draws Arthur closer, touching the side of his face, his eyes, his stiff hair. “Arthur?”
The man bobs gently in the water and his chest is very, very still. Grief wells up deep from Merlin’s chest, drowning him under its force. He starts to pant, shaking his head in disbelief because no, it’s impossible, no, Arthur isn’t - he’s still - he will -
“Is anyone out there?” a voice calls out.
Merlin tries to compose himself but fails, chest heaving as he alternates between tugging his hand away and holding on.
“Arthur, Arthur,” he says brokenly and presses their lips together. “I can’t - ”
“Hello! Is anyone out there?”
Merlin cries as he finally pulls himself free and he clutches Arthur’s fist in both hands, kisses the pale knuckles, and then lets go. “A-Arthur,” he says again, keeping the name locked in his heart, and unable to look away as Arthur sinks into the black water.
-
Morgana tightly grips the blanket around her shoulders, huddled in the corner of the lifeboat and away from Gwen. She wants to sit next to her, bury her face in the unbound tangles around Gwen’s shoulders. But Morgana is stubborn, and she is still hurting, so she keeps her distance.
“We have to go back for them!” Gwen cries out tearfully, pointing a finger to the direction of where the ship used to be. “We just can’t leave them there to die!”
Her head is bowed down, trying not to listen to the cries and pleas of the people drowning in the bitter water. Morgana trembles but not from the cold. She tries thinking of her brother but it’s too hard. She closes her eyes and prays for something.
-
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-
Merlin is young again. Morgana is startled to see her brother without the wrinkles on his face, the stoop of his spine from the many years he had to live through. The little lines around his eyes and mouth are gone, laugh lines as Morgana has always wanted to believe them to be, but the truth is that they were from the frowns that Merlin often wore.
But the Merlin that Morgana sees is the one with the bright, unencumbered smile that she has dreadfully missed.
Someone passes by her and she looks around, heart thudding when she sees the ocean stretching out endlessly before her, as beautiful as ever, and the quiet rumble of the Titanic under her feet. Morgana stares at her hands, young and smooth again, and she clutches the folds of her velvet gown.
Merlin doesn’t see her as he makes his way into the ship. Morgana follows after him, eyes wide as she sees the crew working diligently to keep everything perfect. Merlin goes through the doors, smile widening until his eyes crinkle at the corners, dimples showing, and Morgana’s breath catches at the sheer joy on his face.
They reach the grand staircase and Morgana pauses to admire the intricate banister, the winged statue in the middle and the great chandelier glinting over her head. Merlin doesn’t stop, keeps moving forward as he climbs the stairs.
Morgana’s eyes move on ahead and her eyes find him immediately. He is handsome, Morgana has always privately thought, but time has dimmed her memory and made her forget the gold of his hair, his blue eyes, and his strong, perfect face. Arthur is facing the clock, hands in his pockets, and when Merlin reaches the top of the stairs, Arthur turns and his expression mirrors the one Merlin wears. It’s a look she sees often on Gwen’s and Lancelot’s faces when they visit her, or when they meet up with Merlin’s family for dinner. It hurts her still, even now, because she still loves Gwen. But now she loves Lancelot, too, for making Gwen so happy.
But it’s Merlin’s joy that makes her legs weak, fills up her eyes with tears as she watches them embrace where everyone can see and smile at them. This may be nothing more than wishful thinking, or a dream different to the nightmares she used to have as a young woman, or this might be happening after all. Whatever the truth, Morgana is glad for them because deep in her heart, she’s always wanted them to be happy.
Arthur looks past Merlin’s shoulders and directly at her. His brow quirks upward, arms still possessively around her brother, and Morgana smiles.
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The tears quickly dry on her cheeks and Morgana brushes them away, watching as the drops crystallise on her fingertips. She turns to where Gwen sits, her face haunted and terrified. Morgana slides across the seat to settle next to Gwen, who startles at her sudden presence, eyes wide and hopeful. Morgana reaches out and clutches her hand tightly, briefly glimpsing the relief on her friend’s face as she turns to the first officer overseeing their lifeboat.
“We have to go back for them,” Morgana says in a steady voice. “We can still save them. Those are people out there, someone’s child, someone’s husband, someone’s friend. We need to go back.”
The officer anxiously stares at the distance, to the weakening cries, and his face falls. “All right, all right,” he mutters to himself before saying in a louder voice, “we need to transfer some of you to the other lifeboats.”
Gwen sags in relief and Morgana holds on to her hand even tighter. “He’s fine,” Morgana whispers to her, both of them knowing who she’s speaking about. A twinge goes through Morgana’s chest at the knowledge given to her, at the look on Gwen’s face. Somewhere out there, Lancelot is safe and waiting.
And somewhere, Merlin is waiting.
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The End
Links that helped me out a ton:
http://www.britannica.com/titanic/01_01.html
http://www.titanic-online.com/index.php4
http://www.titanicstory.com/shipspec.htm