(no subject)
my family has always been really close. very big, but very close. there are just four in my immediate family, but there are eighteen with just my mom's 2 sisters and their families added to ours, so you can imagine how many more there are when we get my mom's brother, their cousins, their aunts and uncles, etc.
we used to have thanksgiving every year at my aunt looney's house. her husbands name was william gay, but everyone called him happy. there has never been a nicer couple than my aunt looney and uncle happy. their house was on the lake and was three stories plus an attic. it was like a castle. she was an artist and the attic was full of paintings. all of us kids would play up there all the time because that is where she kept all of the old toys, too. i always loved the paintings. one of the walls was covered in fabric and it was said that there was a secret room behind it. during one visit, we found a hole in the fabric, and sure enough there was a hole in the wall there, too. my memory is failing me, but it seems as though some of my older cousins went in, but that could just be my overactive imagination. i didn't go in. i stayed out and looked at the paintings.
over the years, the family got bigger and aunt looney and uncle hap got older. we stopped having thanksgiving at their house. we really lost touch with that side of the family altogether. the last time i remember going out to the house was after she had fallen and broken her ankle. we went out to visit. while i was standing out by the lake, some boy was throwing rocks. there were ducks in the water. i told him to watch out for the ducks and he told me he was aiming for them. i can still feel my stomach drop the way it did at that moment.
my mother told me tuesday that aunt looney had died. uncle happy had passed a few years earlier. i did my sad face, but then went about my business. yes, i am sad, but i am also at peace with this. i was supposed to go back to austin last night, but my mom woke me up yesterday morning asking me to stay and go to the visitation that is tonight. how could i tell her no?
my mom and i were fighting this morning. she had e-mailed my professor to see if i could turn my paper in some other way. apparently there was some miscommunication between me and her because i was already taking care of it. she got really upset because she said i wasn't grateful.
i asked her what she wanted from me and she said "if you don't know by now.. i guess you just don't understand."
"how about a 'thanks mom, i'm really glad you helped me out'? or maybe a 'i'm really sorry that your favorite aunt died'?"
i feel like a terrible daughter.
i wrote an incredible entry last night, but i accidentally hit refresh and i lost it all. damn you lj. DAMN YOU.
and now for something completely different..
jeremy: :-*
me: :-O
jeremy: :-D
me: :-)
jeremy: 8-)
me: :-(
me: i don't have cool sunglasses
jeremy: :-\
me: :*-(
jeremy: i'll give mine to you
me: that's very generous of you, jeremy
jeremy: put them on
me: 8-)
jeremy: :-)
jeremy: you look better in them anyways
what lovely friends i have.