Now I know it's pathetic.

[ohsolovelyy]

I have come to the realization that I have not yet found a single boy that has fit my expectations. It seems to me that I have very few expectations, but when I really think about it, maybe I have more then I think? I can't help to be picky, it's just who I am. I don't just date because it's the cool thing to do. "Oh look at me, I have a boyfriend, though I don't really like him, that doesn't really matter, because at least I'm not single, hehe". No that is definately not the person I am, and definately not the person I will ever become. I find it hard to find someone sweet, honest, genuine, not floosy, or whorish, slutty, or skanky. When I like a boy, I want more from it, I want his full attention, I want to cuddle, I want to kiss, I want to watch movies, bake cookies, play video games, dance, sing, talk on the phone, instant message with him. I wan't to feel special, I want butterflys, and stars. I want him to call and ask me how my day was, and actually want to hangout. But so far I have always put the effort, and have been turned down. Maybe I'm to quick to judge when I think there might be something perhaps? Maybe I'm just easily led on. And yes that's probably it. Why can't there be any boys for me. Why can't they just be with me? Am I not special enough, am I not enough? Is it because I am a virgin and they think, "Well shit if I get with her I wont get any." Well that may be the case if you have that attitude. No I am not a prude. I will eventually give out. I just want something more, I want to feel loved and love before I give that up. And after that, oh baby you can have it all you want. I wont become a sleeze and want to fuck other people. I will want to be with that boy, and be his little naughty girl. I just don't get why sex has to even be a big factor in getting into a relationship. Why can't it come later? Why do you have to know you will get it all the time, to even start something up with someone? Is that really how you want to start a relationship? "Damn she's hot, and she likes me, and she gives out, SCORE, I'll be getting sex from a hottie whenever I wan't." That's rediculous, pure rediculous.

Whenever I end up liking a boy, I always find out he is a slut, playa, etc. Why can't I ever like a fucking decent guy? Maybe there isn't one? Maybe I'm just complaining. I don't even care anymore. If I am, I am. Deal with it. I just want to know why? But I can't and it's killing me. I'm not depressed over this situation, I am not going to go cut myself, or cry about it. I just really wish that I could finally find someone that would like me back, that would give me the time of day, that would be mine, and no one elses. But it's just to hard to find. I'm going to be single forever. I guess I shall accept it. :)

I'm not yet whining about girls because well, I have not been on the market for that long enough;)