What weighs six ounces and is very dangerous?
Three papers have sneaked up on me. I don't know where they came from; I can only imagine they were lurking in the dark foliage of the artificial trees in the hallway, just waiting to attack. Oddly enough, I have absolutely no idea what the political science paper is supposed to be about... or how long it should be... or anything. The syllabus says it's due today, but the professor said we could turn it in Friday, and--and I think I missed something.
I think I missed a lot of somethings. I'm going to chalk it up to illness--no results on the blood tests yet, but the worst symptoms are intermittent periods of being absolutely sure I'm going to throw up--and not an inability to deal with reality. Although my involvement at Poly seems to increase as my grasp of Real Life things decreases...
In light of that, I'm considering the wisdom of taking a semi-hiatus at Poly. Semi, because I know perfectly well that I lack the willpower to stay away, and I really want a piece of the Stupid Cupid curse. Plus, Justin's starting to have actual relationships with people and Carl is on the wrong side of the law. Exciting stuff, and I don't want to stop replying to the entries of others.
On the other hand, I'm toying with the idea of scrapping Poly altogether. It's been eating up so much time! I mean, I love most it--that's why I'm there too much--but it's so tempting to take escapism a bit too far and just forget about school and... people. Unpleasant people. They're everywhere. They're online, too, but at least they're more-or-less avoidable online. Unless you're a dope and subject yourself to their unpleasantness by lurking about RP!Secrets and the Anon Meme.
I know, I know... just don't go! Avoid the wank. On the Anon Meme, though, I like inserting random positive comments to derail the wank, and with both... you know. What if someone hates something I'm doing but they won't say anything? What if I'm Doing It Wrong?
Thus far, none of my usernames have shown up specifically, for which I'm grateful. It'd be nice to be the subject of a nice secret, but so many of them are just unpleasant (and again with the just-don't-read-it-you-twit). I mean... I feel like if I monitor the hate, I can do something to keep it from ruining happy-fun-internet-time, and I don't like the thought of having myself or someone I've gotten to like bad-mouthed without knowing about it. And hey, maybe seeing what makes everyone else mad will show me what not to do. I want to be someone who's pleasant to roleplay with. Not popular (popularity doesn't seem to have good side-effects), not necessary outstanding enough to get a positive mention... just not part of the unhappiness.
Does that make any sense, or am I just deluding myself and potentially worsening things?
Anyway. I'm having second thoughts about having Drusilla around. I like playing her, and I thought I had a feel for her, but this Drusilla player was pointed out on the Anon Meme. I went to investigate, since Anonymous said she was good, and... she is good. Her interpretation of Dru is so different from mine, but she has such a good grasp of the character and her brand of crazy. It kind of makes me wonder if my interpretation isn't just... off. I mean, I've made her less bloodthirsty. Practically, this makes it easier for in-game relationships, but I also don't think she's as bloodthirsty as she might be. I think she's childish, spoiled, nuts, and incapable of organizing any end-the-world campaigns. I also think that having people who will talk with her is such a novelty that she'll forego the rampant destruction. Maybe I'm wrong, but I also don't think she's a child-eater. I know she has a strong interest in children, but I think it's more of a... twisted maternal instinct than a I-want-to-eat-you thing.
And then there was this at RP!S. I'm not really in on it, I don't think (I didn't realize there was a Supernatural/Buffy aliiance, or what on earth "Spuffy" meant on Poly), but it made me realize how out of that loop I am. I know I just started playing Dru, but there's really no way to get her integrated into a cast where she's the only villain (bless Connor's mun, though, for trying to make some peace and play nicely). It's not something to blame on anyone, just... sad. It made me think of the comment on the Anon Meme about how much Poly's Buffy crew sucked, how cliquey and exclusive they are, how they don't talk to other players... again, I'm too new to be included, probably, but what's with the generalizations? I don't really think there's a clique, even though I think there's definite favoritism. That's to be expected; you give your close crewmates more attention.
It's... well, I'm probably just thinking too much, and should shut my brain off. Playing Drusilla has just been sort of disappointing. I was excited to belong to a proper crew, but I'm not sure it's all it's cracked up to be (and I like you guys, if you're reading this--don't get me wrong!). She can't tag out to people without getting jumped on. I was almost angry last night when Anita confronted her; I mean, Anita and Dru don't even know each other. The appeal of a panfandom game is mixing it up, I think, but it's hard to mix it up when you're playing a villain against a crew of... anti-villains. That's not saying anything about the Buffy cast... I think it would be true for all, or at least most, fandoms. It's not my cuppa, though. Last time I played Dru, she was the only one in her canon, and that was so much... easier.
Unless I'm playing her wrong. Good lord, that other person is good and so different.
I don't know. Gah. And I'm probably playing Justin all wrong, too--he's so self-restricted in canon, but I can't help but think that having people means a lot to him and draws him out a little. I mean, he lets Richard jerk him around because Richard seems to care...
Then again, I'm probably overthinking. ._. I'll just... keep Poly-activity to a minimum, wait for HMD day, get school straightened out, get healthy... yes.
...Long ranty post was long and ranty. Sorry about that, and sorry in advance for possibly tagging less than usual. I still looove you.
ETA
Upon re-reading parts of this entry, I can say that I'm not pleased with the wording of several sentences up there (there's one particularly bad sentence that sounds worse every time I read it, but, for the sake of owning up to personal fail, I don't think I'll edit it). Buffy crew? I like you. A lot. Please, please, please don't do anything differently. If I drop Dru, it will be because of a lack of personal preparation and a whole lot of insecurity, not because of you.
...It's past two in the morning. What are the odds that I'm still typing in English?
I think I missed a lot of somethings. I'm going to chalk it up to illness--no results on the blood tests yet, but the worst symptoms are intermittent periods of being absolutely sure I'm going to throw up--and not an inability to deal with reality. Although my involvement at Poly seems to increase as my grasp of Real Life things decreases...
In light of that, I'm considering the wisdom of taking a semi-hiatus at Poly. Semi, because I know perfectly well that I lack the willpower to stay away, and I really want a piece of the Stupid Cupid curse. Plus, Justin's starting to have actual relationships with people and Carl is on the wrong side of the law. Exciting stuff, and I don't want to stop replying to the entries of others.
On the other hand, I'm toying with the idea of scrapping Poly altogether. It's been eating up so much time! I mean, I love most it--that's why I'm there too much--but it's so tempting to take escapism a bit too far and just forget about school and... people. Unpleasant people. They're everywhere. They're online, too, but at least they're more-or-less avoidable online. Unless you're a dope and subject yourself to their unpleasantness by lurking about RP!Secrets and the Anon Meme.
I know, I know... just don't go! Avoid the wank. On the Anon Meme, though, I like inserting random positive comments to derail the wank, and with both... you know. What if someone hates something I'm doing but they won't say anything? What if I'm Doing It Wrong?
Thus far, none of my usernames have shown up specifically, for which I'm grateful. It'd be nice to be the subject of a nice secret, but so many of them are just unpleasant (and again with the just-don't-read-it-you-twit). I mean... I feel like if I monitor the hate, I can do something to keep it from ruining happy-fun-internet-time, and I don't like the thought of having myself or someone I've gotten to like bad-mouthed without knowing about it. And hey, maybe seeing what makes everyone else mad will show me what not to do. I want to be someone who's pleasant to roleplay with. Not popular (popularity doesn't seem to have good side-effects), not necessary outstanding enough to get a positive mention... just not part of the unhappiness.
Does that make any sense, or am I just deluding myself and potentially worsening things?
Anyway. I'm having second thoughts about having Drusilla around. I like playing her, and I thought I had a feel for her, but this Drusilla player was pointed out on the Anon Meme. I went to investigate, since Anonymous said she was good, and... she is good. Her interpretation of Dru is so different from mine, but she has such a good grasp of the character and her brand of crazy. It kind of makes me wonder if my interpretation isn't just... off. I mean, I've made her less bloodthirsty. Practically, this makes it easier for in-game relationships, but I also don't think she's as bloodthirsty as she might be. I think she's childish, spoiled, nuts, and incapable of organizing any end-the-world campaigns. I also think that having people who will talk with her is such a novelty that she'll forego the rampant destruction. Maybe I'm wrong, but I also don't think she's a child-eater. I know she has a strong interest in children, but I think it's more of a... twisted maternal instinct than a I-want-to-eat-you thing.
And then there was this at RP!S. I'm not really in on it, I don't think (I didn't realize there was a Supernatural/Buffy aliiance, or what on earth "Spuffy" meant on Poly), but it made me realize how out of that loop I am. I know I just started playing Dru, but there's really no way to get her integrated into a cast where she's the only villain (bless Connor's mun, though, for trying to make some peace and play nicely). It's not something to blame on anyone, just... sad. It made me think of the comment on the Anon Meme about how much Poly's Buffy crew sucked, how cliquey and exclusive they are, how they don't talk to other players... again, I'm too new to be included, probably, but what's with the generalizations? I don't really think there's a clique, even though I think there's definite favoritism. That's to be expected; you give your close crewmates more attention.
It's... well, I'm probably just thinking too much, and should shut my brain off. Playing Drusilla has just been sort of disappointing. I was excited to belong to a proper crew, but I'm not sure it's all it's cracked up to be (and I like you guys, if you're reading this--don't get me wrong!). She can't tag out to people without getting jumped on. I was almost angry last night when Anita confronted her; I mean, Anita and Dru don't even know each other. The appeal of a panfandom game is mixing it up, I think, but it's hard to mix it up when you're playing a villain against a crew of... anti-villains. That's not saying anything about the Buffy cast... I think it would be true for all, or at least most, fandoms. It's not my cuppa, though. Last time I played Dru, she was the only one in her canon, and that was so much... easier.
Unless I'm playing her wrong. Good lord, that other person is good and so different.
I don't know. Gah. And I'm probably playing Justin all wrong, too--he's so self-restricted in canon, but I can't help but think that having people means a lot to him and draws him out a little. I mean, he lets Richard jerk him around because Richard seems to care...
Then again, I'm probably overthinking. ._. I'll just... keep Poly-activity to a minimum, wait for HMD day, get school straightened out, get healthy... yes.
...Long ranty post was long and ranty. Sorry about that, and sorry in advance for possibly tagging less than usual. I still looove you.
ETA
Upon re-reading parts of this entry, I can say that I'm not pleased with the wording of several sentences up there (there's one particularly bad sentence that sounds worse every time I read it, but, for the sake of owning up to personal fail, I don't think I'll edit it). Buffy crew? I like you. A lot. Please, please, please don't do anything differently. If I drop Dru, it will be because of a lack of personal preparation and a whole lot of insecurity, not because of you.
...It's past two in the morning. What are the odds that I'm still typing in English?