looking back...
Looking back on some of my older journal entries, (superficially) I coming to the belief that I'm an arrogant asshole. At the time of writing those entries, I didn't realize how contrived everything sounded.
Many arrogant people really aren't arrogant. Arrogance is a defense mechanism against the negative emotions that arise out of failure and rejection. Many insecure people use arrogance to block those negative emotions...to feel stronger and better about themselves.
Maybe this doesn't apply for all people, but it does apply to myself. That was why I felt hurt every time my mother chastised my arrogant behavior. I had no idea what she was talking about. Now I understand. She is still wrong, of course, but I guess her perspective was justified.
As for the present moment, I'm finding it easier to get along with people. The world is a much better place when one isn't a pessemist.
With that realization, I have come to undestand the 'pure land' concept in mahayana buddhism. Before, I was confused since I believed 'pure land' to be a place: an external plane of existence. Mahayana buddhists pray to be reborn in the 'pure land' in order to more easily attain enlightenment. This was very confusing to me. I am no buddhist scholar, but it seemed odd that there exists a place resembling the christian heaven that buddhists can be reborn to after a life of pious praying. Then the realization came, 'pure land' is all based on perspective.
As human beings, our moods fluctuate bettween depression and ecstacy. When I become angry, everything is a living hell: your favorite dessert tastes like dirt, everyone that I 'love' becomes my enemy...because I am single-mindedly focused on one thing--the object of my anger. When the mind is in such an agitated state, you ARE in hell. One who has a 'pure' mind has a balanced mind: neither suceptible to extreme ecstacy or depression. They see the world as it really is, not clouded by the emotions resulting from anger or ecstacy. If you are living on this earth with this balanced mind at all times, you are living in a 'pure land'.
Anyways. I'll get down from my soapbox now.
Many arrogant people really aren't arrogant. Arrogance is a defense mechanism against the negative emotions that arise out of failure and rejection. Many insecure people use arrogance to block those negative emotions...to feel stronger and better about themselves.
Maybe this doesn't apply for all people, but it does apply to myself. That was why I felt hurt every time my mother chastised my arrogant behavior. I had no idea what she was talking about. Now I understand. She is still wrong, of course, but I guess her perspective was justified.
As for the present moment, I'm finding it easier to get along with people. The world is a much better place when one isn't a pessemist.
With that realization, I have come to undestand the 'pure land' concept in mahayana buddhism. Before, I was confused since I believed 'pure land' to be a place: an external plane of existence. Mahayana buddhists pray to be reborn in the 'pure land' in order to more easily attain enlightenment. This was very confusing to me. I am no buddhist scholar, but it seemed odd that there exists a place resembling the christian heaven that buddhists can be reborn to after a life of pious praying. Then the realization came, 'pure land' is all based on perspective.
As human beings, our moods fluctuate bettween depression and ecstacy. When I become angry, everything is a living hell: your favorite dessert tastes like dirt, everyone that I 'love' becomes my enemy...because I am single-mindedly focused on one thing--the object of my anger. When the mind is in such an agitated state, you ARE in hell. One who has a 'pure' mind has a balanced mind: neither suceptible to extreme ecstacy or depression. They see the world as it really is, not clouded by the emotions resulting from anger or ecstacy. If you are living on this earth with this balanced mind at all times, you are living in a 'pure land'.
Anyways. I'll get down from my soapbox now.