(no subject)
i'm at a crossroad in my life and i am totally clueless what direction to go and this indecision is driving me mad. since i got back from the festival, my family decided they don't want my boyfriend living with them anymore. they still say i can come back, but not with him. i won't leave jay. he's such a big part of me and i would feel too incomplete without him. but at the same time, i love living at the home i've grown up in. i know one day i'll move out, but i wanted it to be on my own terms. instead, i am stuck with the decision to come home alone or ride the waves of the world with jay. i keep hoping my family will change their mind and allow the both of us to come back home, but until then i guess i'll be a wanderer with the man i love cause i wouldn't leave him for anything.
i feel torn though. and that feeling makes me depressed. and when i feel depressed i start to feel really guilty, because i should just be thankful for all i have, because it's a lot more then some people. but when my family and boyfriend aren't getting along, and the two don't harmonize, it breaks my heart because i don't know how to fix it. when the people i love the most are pointing me down two different directions, i realize if they don't come to terms with a compromise, i'll have to choose one road, and leave behind the other path. maybe not forever, but for awhile, and that kills.
the festival made me realize i don't need much to be happy, and that life can be really simple if you let it be, and that theres a lot of people out there who are overflowing with endless amounts of love to hand out, and it birthed a new connection between me and the world. but i also realized to fully enjoy all of these amazing things, you still need family. family matters a lot.
i'm keeping my head up as best as i can and i'm gonna ride this storm out and i think it'll work out but it's one hell of a ride right now. we've been hanging out with spike, who we met at the festival. he's been on the road since he was nine and he's willing to take us on the road with him to different festivals and travel and just enjoy life for what it truly is and that sounds like a life changing experience that i would love to do but i need to make things right here first. i want to travel, but not because i'm running away.
i feel torn though. and that feeling makes me depressed. and when i feel depressed i start to feel really guilty, because i should just be thankful for all i have, because it's a lot more then some people. but when my family and boyfriend aren't getting along, and the two don't harmonize, it breaks my heart because i don't know how to fix it. when the people i love the most are pointing me down two different directions, i realize if they don't come to terms with a compromise, i'll have to choose one road, and leave behind the other path. maybe not forever, but for awhile, and that kills.
the festival made me realize i don't need much to be happy, and that life can be really simple if you let it be, and that theres a lot of people out there who are overflowing with endless amounts of love to hand out, and it birthed a new connection between me and the world. but i also realized to fully enjoy all of these amazing things, you still need family. family matters a lot.
i'm keeping my head up as best as i can and i'm gonna ride this storm out and i think it'll work out but it's one hell of a ride right now. we've been hanging out with spike, who we met at the festival. he's been on the road since he was nine and he's willing to take us on the road with him to different festivals and travel and just enjoy life for what it truly is and that sounds like a life changing experience that i would love to do but i need to make things right here first. i want to travel, but not because i'm running away.