more and more there is this animal looking out from my eyes
I'm the kind of person who hates to tell people what I think (even though most times i do anyway, and my friends have learned to simply pretend to listen) because I change my mind as rapidly as the wind changes directions, if not more so. However I am also the kind of person who needs to get out her bitching or she will internally combust. Therefore, journals happen to be my best friends.
As of late..for a while now rather, I have been whiny and annoying, and all i do is bitch bitch bitch. right. i don't know why this is, and I only realize I'm doing it after the fact (although I'm fully aware that I'm doing it now, this is merely to try and come to some sort of realization). I feel terrible for anyone in my presence at this point. I haven't the slightest notion as to why I've been like this. I am pretty happy for the most part, but this is making me nervous. I'm always a bit weary of the cold weather when comes to stay a while, because I tend to change a great deal with the seasons, and the cold ones never agree with me.
anyway, my personal relationships are suffering from all of this, therefore something needs to change. maybe i'll invest in some happy pills like the other 90% of the population. I've been taking bike rides for the past couple of days, and they're making my heart smile a bit. It's lovely to be outside by yourself, and be able to just think..or not at all. It's very liberating in a sense to just be able to escape, and I love how the cold air feels when it fills my lungs.
today is four months. that's kinda cute. tomorrow = movie mini marathon. Batman Begins and Saw. I'm pretty pumped about it. :0)
art. I am finding more and more, is less and less the way to go. I just don't have what it takes, and that is the honest truth, that I've known all along, but I wanted to give myself ample opportunity so I never have to wonder "what if.." and it isn't as if I'm going to just go ahead and give up on it, not yet anyway, but I am lacking that certain something that it takes to really be a good artist, and i know that part of it comes from the fact that I have been censoring my art for as long as I can remember. I have created so many walls for myself (as is the same in many other instances in my life) that I am unable to think freely and clearly. I am lacking more and more that creative element that all children have at one point, and very few hold on to. I am struggling to hold on to what's left of it.
i don't really know who i am.
"I walk in stride with people
much taller than me
and partly it's the boots but
mostly it's my chi
and I'm becoming transfixed
with nature and my part in it
which I believe just signifies
I'm finally waking up."
As of late..for a while now rather, I have been whiny and annoying, and all i do is bitch bitch bitch. right. i don't know why this is, and I only realize I'm doing it after the fact (although I'm fully aware that I'm doing it now, this is merely to try and come to some sort of realization). I feel terrible for anyone in my presence at this point. I haven't the slightest notion as to why I've been like this. I am pretty happy for the most part, but this is making me nervous. I'm always a bit weary of the cold weather when comes to stay a while, because I tend to change a great deal with the seasons, and the cold ones never agree with me.
anyway, my personal relationships are suffering from all of this, therefore something needs to change. maybe i'll invest in some happy pills like the other 90% of the population. I've been taking bike rides for the past couple of days, and they're making my heart smile a bit. It's lovely to be outside by yourself, and be able to just think..or not at all. It's very liberating in a sense to just be able to escape, and I love how the cold air feels when it fills my lungs.
today is four months. that's kinda cute. tomorrow = movie mini marathon. Batman Begins and Saw. I'm pretty pumped about it. :0)
art. I am finding more and more, is less and less the way to go. I just don't have what it takes, and that is the honest truth, that I've known all along, but I wanted to give myself ample opportunity so I never have to wonder "what if.." and it isn't as if I'm going to just go ahead and give up on it, not yet anyway, but I am lacking that certain something that it takes to really be a good artist, and i know that part of it comes from the fact that I have been censoring my art for as long as I can remember. I have created so many walls for myself (as is the same in many other instances in my life) that I am unable to think freely and clearly. I am lacking more and more that creative element that all children have at one point, and very few hold on to. I am struggling to hold on to what's left of it.
i don't really know who i am.
"I walk in stride with people
much taller than me
and partly it's the boots but
mostly it's my chi
and I'm becoming transfixed
with nature and my part in it
which I believe just signifies
I'm finally waking up."