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[FIC]: The things that you don’t know (Can’t hurt you) (1/1)
Title: The things that you don’t know (Can’t hurt you)
Author:Lycanqueen
Rating:G
Genre/pairing: Gen, Past Sam Winchester / Jessica
Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester
Word count:1,448
Summary: One shot in which Dean notices things and realizes some truths about his Brother.
Spoilers: Season 1 just in case
Warnings: Cannonical Character Death
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters...I'm just having fun creating stories about 'em
A/N: This is just a thing, a headcannon that I’ve read somewhere that keeps coming at me and I felt the urge to write it. Now I can attempt to finish the minibang I planned for but have not completed. This is written from Dean’s perspective but English isn’t my native language so I apologize for the broken grammar. If you want to help me edit the work so it has correct phrasing please PM me thank you
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He never knew.
He always thought that his brother reactions to Jessica’s death had been too raw, gut wrenching. Heart breaking. But he couldn’t understand why. Then one day, while on a case he suddenly understood. Call it a moment of clarity, a sudden moment at night when it all clicks and he was left feeling hollow and mourning for her, for the woman that caught his brother’s attention and loved him enough to bring him such joy.
His brother told him years after that fateful, smoke filled day, that he had met Jessica at a coffee shop around campus.
"He was studying on one of the tables, his books and notes strewed around, some of them on the floor his hand rapidly moving on one piece of paper as he frantically transcribed some notes he needed to learn for like, the day before, when a shadow fell over him, obscuring part of the text and the notes he was compiling.
And there she was, with a green apron and the nametag “Jess” golden and bright on the top of her chest. And her smile, a tired smile as she asked him if he needed/wanted something. He had been annoyed at her for interrupting him. But he noticed the tight lines of exhaustion around her eyes and his heart had softened.
He said she had reminded him of Dean, of his stubbornness to keep moving even with a broken arm and leg. He had ordered a crapucchino or some fancy ass drink like that (his brother told him the name of the beverage but for the life of him he cannot remember) and then they started talking. She told him all about herself and being a premed student and they connected. Her parents lived away and her isolation made Sam want to be closer to her as he recognized a kindred spirit.
He kept going back to the coffee shop after that. He always made sure to talk to her and then he asked her out and that was that. They hung out mostly as friends but it wasn’t until she told him about her roommate leaving her and her 3 year leasing that things got serious. 18 months is what Dean thought they were together, when in reality, Sam met Jess only a year into his studies."
And then there was the case. They were on ‘nowhereland’, next to ‘big dumbasss’ forest, trying to supposedly smoke a Wendigo who had left two dead bodies already, when two hitchhikers “got lost”’, a mother and her son. They met the father, who inconsolably told them they got separated on the main trail inside the forest and he got out.
The local sheriff was hearing the interview and after they were finished he turned to them and said. “His wife and son, can you imagine if the bear you wildlife agents are hunting gets to them? Losing his wife and son. One cannot imagine what that’s like huh?” and left.
Dean, huffed, thinking about “bears” and laughing a bit at the sheriff’s ignorance while already thinking about the area and where the Wendigo would go so when he turned around he caught his brother spacing out he thought none of it. He caught his face though, the expression telling him a million things he could not understand so as always he pushed through.
"Hey, space cadet! I’m thinking the bear should be near the river we saw early right?” Sam focused again and replied “Funny dean” halfheartedly and went outside the building.
And so they went and did the job.
Turns out this particular ugly was searching for a bride so the disgusting creature had a banquet of people waiting for the honeymoon. They saved 8 people that day, including mother and son who looked at them with wonder and a little fear in their eyes as they trekked the forest back to the sheriff’s office. After securing an oath of silence from the witnesses and giving their cellphones number like it was candy they went back to the hotel and got ready for bed and leaving the next morning, sealing the story of the would be flesh eating monster/groom.
That night Dean couldn’t sleep, his mind catching up with every little bit of information he likes to pretend he doesn’t see but as he reminisces the conversations of the day it finally hits him. The expression on his brother face: it wasn’t incredulous, it wasn’t dismissive. It just was accepting. Dare he say it? Commiserating? It was understanding. Suddenly nauseous Dean got up to the bathroom and washed his face. No way. There was NO WAY what his mind was telling him was the truth. But he had to know.
He exited the room with the intention of rousing his brother and demand some fucking info when he realized his brother wasn’t there. Lights were out but the full moon outlined every object inside the bedroom: the laptop on the crappy table, the rackety chairs next to the rusty and broken minifridge. He peered through the partially rotten curtain and out the window and he could see his brother sitting on the steps outside the door. His back to him and shoulders hunched in a telltale anguished sign for his older brother. He realized right then, he was right.
He opened the door and watched as his brother hastily brushed a hand through his eyes and he lifted the beer bottle he had been holding in his hand to cover his face.
“What’s up?” Asked dean, carefully avoiding some glass on the floor for he was barefooted.
“Nothing” answered Sam too fast, and then with a little more composure “Couldn’t sleep”
Dean seated himself in the stairs and waited while his brother resumed his previous posture, or at least relaxed a bit before he said softly
“You never told me” Sam grimaced and answered “’bout what?”
“About Jessica, about your relationship, how far it had come along when we met. You never told me about…”
“Stop!” Said Sam, his voice breaking.
He swallowed a big gulp of the lukewarm beer and watched the moon, tears streaming uncontrolled down his face.
They stood in silence for a long time. Dean just trying to adjust his views… trying to imagine what their life would be like if Jess and her unborn child were still alive. He was startled out of his thoughts by his brothers broken voice
“Did you… uhm.. did you know that a child’s biologically assigned sex can be known as soon as 12 weeks?, while the renowned baby bump usually shows about 16 weeks? We knew about our baby’s sex before she started even showing, she never… she…uhmm”
“Sam, I didn’t know, I’m …”
“Mary, we were going to name her after mom, and after talking so much about you, Jess insisted we did something in your honor.” Sam laughed, a hollow sound, no joy in there whatsoever
“That’s the type of person Jess was.”
Dean watched as his brothers eyes filled with tears and his face with anger
“Mary Deane, my baby girl…” He smashed the beer bottle against the stairs
“…smoked..” he continued to hold the neck of the bottle smashing it against the concrete cutting his palm
“… by a fucking yellowed eyed demon” he finished and the last bit of the bottle broke leaving his hand a mess of broken shards of glass and blood. Dean watched his brother his voice failing him and when his brother went to continue to vent his feelings against the walls of the hotel he grabbed him
“Sam, Sam stop” his brother gave a choked sound of despair fist colliding with the bricked walls and Dean held onto him until he collapsed on his brothers arms sobbing
“No one knew, like she never existed, no one knew but she was there, and she was mine” cried his brother
Dean held onto his brother talking, trying to calm him. Mourning for the first time in his life for someone he didn’t knew
“I’m sorry Sam. You never told me, why didn’t you tell me Sammy? I’m so sorry Sam, fuck Sam I never knew, I’m so sorry man”
His brother’s bloodied hand grabbed his white shirt and all Dean could think about was his brother face that day, that incredible loss the nightmares he had after and how everything made sense. His brother shuddered against him, kept telling Dean about Mary, about the child that never was and Dean felt his heart break.
This case, it was kinda ironic, when it all started with a Wendigo a mother and a child, a desperate father and a shitton of loss.
Author:Lycanqueen
Rating:G
Genre/pairing: Gen, Past Sam Winchester / Jessica
Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester
Word count:1,448
Summary: One shot in which Dean notices things and realizes some truths about his Brother.
Spoilers: Season 1 just in case
Warnings: Cannonical Character Death
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters...I'm just having fun creating stories about 'em
A/N: This is just a thing, a headcannon that I’ve read somewhere that keeps coming at me and I felt the urge to write it. Now I can attempt to finish the minibang I planned for but have not completed. This is written from Dean’s perspective but English isn’t my native language so I apologize for the broken grammar. If you want to help me edit the work so it has correct phrasing please PM me thank you
---------------------------------------------------------------------
He never knew.
He always thought that his brother reactions to Jessica’s death had been too raw, gut wrenching. Heart breaking. But he couldn’t understand why. Then one day, while on a case he suddenly understood. Call it a moment of clarity, a sudden moment at night when it all clicks and he was left feeling hollow and mourning for her, for the woman that caught his brother’s attention and loved him enough to bring him such joy.
His brother told him years after that fateful, smoke filled day, that he had met Jessica at a coffee shop around campus.
"He was studying on one of the tables, his books and notes strewed around, some of them on the floor his hand rapidly moving on one piece of paper as he frantically transcribed some notes he needed to learn for like, the day before, when a shadow fell over him, obscuring part of the text and the notes he was compiling.
And there she was, with a green apron and the nametag “Jess” golden and bright on the top of her chest. And her smile, a tired smile as she asked him if he needed/wanted something. He had been annoyed at her for interrupting him. But he noticed the tight lines of exhaustion around her eyes and his heart had softened.
He said she had reminded him of Dean, of his stubbornness to keep moving even with a broken arm and leg. He had ordered a crapucchino or some fancy ass drink like that (his brother told him the name of the beverage but for the life of him he cannot remember) and then they started talking. She told him all about herself and being a premed student and they connected. Her parents lived away and her isolation made Sam want to be closer to her as he recognized a kindred spirit.
He kept going back to the coffee shop after that. He always made sure to talk to her and then he asked her out and that was that. They hung out mostly as friends but it wasn’t until she told him about her roommate leaving her and her 3 year leasing that things got serious. 18 months is what Dean thought they were together, when in reality, Sam met Jess only a year into his studies."
And then there was the case. They were on ‘nowhereland’, next to ‘big dumbasss’ forest, trying to supposedly smoke a Wendigo who had left two dead bodies already, when two hitchhikers “got lost”’, a mother and her son. They met the father, who inconsolably told them they got separated on the main trail inside the forest and he got out.
The local sheriff was hearing the interview and after they were finished he turned to them and said. “His wife and son, can you imagine if the bear you wildlife agents are hunting gets to them? Losing his wife and son. One cannot imagine what that’s like huh?” and left.
Dean, huffed, thinking about “bears” and laughing a bit at the sheriff’s ignorance while already thinking about the area and where the Wendigo would go so when he turned around he caught his brother spacing out he thought none of it. He caught his face though, the expression telling him a million things he could not understand so as always he pushed through.
"Hey, space cadet! I’m thinking the bear should be near the river we saw early right?” Sam focused again and replied “Funny dean” halfheartedly and went outside the building.
And so they went and did the job.
Turns out this particular ugly was searching for a bride so the disgusting creature had a banquet of people waiting for the honeymoon. They saved 8 people that day, including mother and son who looked at them with wonder and a little fear in their eyes as they trekked the forest back to the sheriff’s office. After securing an oath of silence from the witnesses and giving their cellphones number like it was candy they went back to the hotel and got ready for bed and leaving the next morning, sealing the story of the would be flesh eating monster/groom.
That night Dean couldn’t sleep, his mind catching up with every little bit of information he likes to pretend he doesn’t see but as he reminisces the conversations of the day it finally hits him. The expression on his brother face: it wasn’t incredulous, it wasn’t dismissive. It just was accepting. Dare he say it? Commiserating? It was understanding. Suddenly nauseous Dean got up to the bathroom and washed his face. No way. There was NO WAY what his mind was telling him was the truth. But he had to know.
He exited the room with the intention of rousing his brother and demand some fucking info when he realized his brother wasn’t there. Lights were out but the full moon outlined every object inside the bedroom: the laptop on the crappy table, the rackety chairs next to the rusty and broken minifridge. He peered through the partially rotten curtain and out the window and he could see his brother sitting on the steps outside the door. His back to him and shoulders hunched in a telltale anguished sign for his older brother. He realized right then, he was right.
He opened the door and watched as his brother hastily brushed a hand through his eyes and he lifted the beer bottle he had been holding in his hand to cover his face.
“What’s up?” Asked dean, carefully avoiding some glass on the floor for he was barefooted.
“Nothing” answered Sam too fast, and then with a little more composure “Couldn’t sleep”
Dean seated himself in the stairs and waited while his brother resumed his previous posture, or at least relaxed a bit before he said softly
“You never told me” Sam grimaced and answered “’bout what?”
“About Jessica, about your relationship, how far it had come along when we met. You never told me about…”
“Stop!” Said Sam, his voice breaking.
He swallowed a big gulp of the lukewarm beer and watched the moon, tears streaming uncontrolled down his face.
They stood in silence for a long time. Dean just trying to adjust his views… trying to imagine what their life would be like if Jess and her unborn child were still alive. He was startled out of his thoughts by his brothers broken voice
“Did you… uhm.. did you know that a child’s biologically assigned sex can be known as soon as 12 weeks?, while the renowned baby bump usually shows about 16 weeks? We knew about our baby’s sex before she started even showing, she never… she…uhmm”
“Sam, I didn’t know, I’m …”
“Mary, we were going to name her after mom, and after talking so much about you, Jess insisted we did something in your honor.” Sam laughed, a hollow sound, no joy in there whatsoever
“That’s the type of person Jess was.”
Dean watched as his brothers eyes filled with tears and his face with anger
“Mary Deane, my baby girl…” He smashed the beer bottle against the stairs
“…smoked..” he continued to hold the neck of the bottle smashing it against the concrete cutting his palm
“… by a fucking yellowed eyed demon” he finished and the last bit of the bottle broke leaving his hand a mess of broken shards of glass and blood. Dean watched his brother his voice failing him and when his brother went to continue to vent his feelings against the walls of the hotel he grabbed him
“Sam, Sam stop” his brother gave a choked sound of despair fist colliding with the bricked walls and Dean held onto him until he collapsed on his brothers arms sobbing
“No one knew, like she never existed, no one knew but she was there, and she was mine” cried his brother
Dean held onto his brother talking, trying to calm him. Mourning for the first time in his life for someone he didn’t knew
“I’m sorry Sam. You never told me, why didn’t you tell me Sammy? I’m so sorry Sam, fuck Sam I never knew, I’m so sorry man”
His brother’s bloodied hand grabbed his white shirt and all Dean could think about was his brother face that day, that incredible loss the nightmares he had after and how everything made sense. His brother shuddered against him, kept telling Dean about Mary, about the child that never was and Dean felt his heart break.
This case, it was kinda ironic, when it all started with a Wendigo a mother and a child, a desperate father and a shitton of loss.