There are good days and bad days, and then there are days like this.
The good ones: Gorgeous dimples carved into golden smooth skin, skarky little-brother remarks and singing loudly with the radio as they drive an endless ribbon of sun-kissed blacktop through miles of golden-green cornfields.
The bad ones: A haunted look reflected behind eyes darkened by fear and pain, shameful confessions whispered into the dark, pleading fingers squeezed tight around Dean's own, begging him to just please make it stop.Sam's eyes are dull and lifeless now - empty - as he watches the branches of the old cottonwood tree tilt and sway in the wind. The fall leaves have just started to brown, turning them crisp and brittle as they drift down to the soft blanket of earth below. Sam curls up on his side and hugs his pillow close, burrowing further under the quilt tucked around him
( ... )
Season 7, gen or winchest: Sam's not lying when he says it's not that bad. It's not, because he can't let it be that bad. Because Dean is falling apart, drowning in alcohol and despair, and he wouldn't be able to deal with Sam falling apart as well.
The thing is, not falling apart is damn hard with the devil in his head, flashbacks and nightmares and an increasing need for self-inflicted pain to tell what's real. It would be much easier to just let go and let Dean take care of him, but he can't do that because he needs to take care of Dean instead, who doesn't want help but also can't deal on his own.
Dean doesn't notice what his issues are doing to his brother. He needs someone else to kick his ass into awareness and tell him to get a grip or he'll have another major issue to deal with soon.
Sam, Dean, gen, season four/five angst, Sam writes journal because that's the way he tries to cope with Lucifer, addiction, and especially Dean being distant. There's also maybe a wishlist.(like 1)finish school, 2)visit Jess's grave 3)Hawaii 4) drive Impala for the whole day 5) vist the library of congress etc. and the last of the list is to have dean as a big brother again in the next reincarnation)
Dean found the journal after Sam took dive into the Pit with Lucifer. (and maybe after Sam's back, Dean tries to fulfill Sam's wishlist)
I knew if I came to look at this...it would give me bunnies and distract me from my prompts slash artwork that needs to be done. >< If you don't mind some art to go along with it, I will be happy to write this.
While Sam's soul is still in hell, Sam and Dean's relationship changes. Dean takes control of every part of Sam's life, sexually and otherwise. But Sam is still soulless, and what might have been a loving relationship once, isn't now. Dean has no qualms about hurting Sam, and soulless!Sam has no qualms about being hurt. How does Sam react when he gets his soul back and sees all the new scars and bruises he has? Does Dean tell him what happened? I'm thinking Sam would be disturbed by the consent issues, and the lack of control, so soon after possession and learning that his whole life has been a ploy, etc.
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There are good days and bad days, and then there are days like this.
The good ones: Gorgeous dimples carved into golden smooth skin, skarky little-brother remarks and singing loudly with the radio as they drive an endless ribbon of sun-kissed blacktop through miles of golden-green cornfields.
The bad ones: A haunted look reflected behind eyes darkened by fear and pain, shameful confessions whispered into the dark, pleading fingers squeezed tight around Dean's own, begging him to just please make it stop.Sam's eyes are dull and lifeless now - empty - as he watches the branches of the old cottonwood tree tilt and sway in the wind. The fall leaves have just started to brown, turning them crisp and brittle as they drift down to the soft blanket of earth below. Sam curls up on his side and hugs his pillow close, burrowing further under the quilt tucked around him ( ... )
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The thing is, not falling apart is damn hard with the devil in his head, flashbacks and nightmares and an increasing need for self-inflicted pain to tell what's real. It would be much easier to just let go and let Dean take care of him, but he can't do that because he needs to take care of Dean instead, who doesn't want help but also can't deal on his own.
Dean doesn't notice what his issues are doing to his brother. He needs someone else to kick his ass into awareness and tell him to get a grip or he'll have another major issue to deal with soon.
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Dean found the journal after Sam took dive into the Pit with Lucifer. (and maybe after Sam's back, Dean tries to fulfill Sam's wishlist)
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Bottom!Sam only please.
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