lexophilia
in
ohsam
Fic: This Sam (Gen)
Word Count: 576
Warnings: Spoilers for Season 6.
Summary: Dean wonders if Sam is better off whole and damaged, or if he was better off just being content.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to the Supernatural television series.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Dean purchased a thirty dollar bottle of Johnnie Walker Red Label with plans to drain the bottle between himself and his brother in celebration of the new year. Sadly, his plan fell through as many a plan a Winchester had made often did. After taking only two shots of the strong drink, Sam called it a night, and Dean found himself alone with his liquor and his thoughts.
It was only 12:30 A.M. on the first day of 2011, but Dean could already tell that the year was going to be both a long and exhausting one for the both of them.
Yes, Sam had his soul back. However, Dean still had to remind himself that Sam's soul had been dead, tortured, and in hell for over a year and nothing was ever going to erase that. Even with the return of his missing soul, Sam was still not the person he'd lost in that field. That Sam was gone never to return. He died with his eyes closed as he'd been sucked into the vast darkness of hell. This Sam hurt more and hid more. This Sam sometimes made Dean long for 'RoboSam.' At least that version of his little brother didn't wake up screaming and covered in sweat. At least that version of his brother didn't sleep for twelve to fifteen hour blocks. At least that version of his brother ate at regular intervals and took care of his personal hygiene without being reminded to do so.
Dean remembers Sam lying on that bed and screaming at him to not let Death return his soul. Sometimes Dean wishes he would have listened to Sam. Maybe if he'd listened, his little brother wouldn't be suffering like he is now. The 'walls' did nothing to hold back the darkness that easily creeped over them. Sam's 'soul' had been broken into a thousand jagged pieces and the only thing holding it all together was hope and promises.
At least the soulless Sam had been willing to listen to his ideas and suggestions. Sam without his soul had understood that Dean, at the very least, had had his best interest at heart. This Sam, his Sam, was closed off and quiet. This Sam reminded Dean so much of the 17-year-old brother that left his family for Stanford. Quiet and distant. This Sam scared him in ways that Sam without his soul never had. Souless Sam hadn't been able to break his heart with a simple glance. This Sam made his heart ache on a regular and constant basis.
Dean purchased a thirty dollar bottle of Johnnie Walker Red Label with plans to drain the bottle between himself and his brother in celebration of the new year.
Dean watches the slow rise and fall of his brother's chest as he sleeps in the bed across from him. As Johnnie Walker slips and slides though his veins, he wonders if he made the right decision. He wonders is Sam is better off whole and damaged, or if he was better off content.
This Sam was not the Sam he'd expected.
This Sam is still somehow dead. This Sam sacrificed everything to save the world. This Sam is his brother, and he will do everything in his power to keep him safe, whole, and alive.
This Sam, although changed, is the only family he has left.
Warnings: Spoilers for Season 6.
Summary: Dean wonders if Sam is better off whole and damaged, or if he was better off just being content.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to the Supernatural television series.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Dean purchased a thirty dollar bottle of Johnnie Walker Red Label with plans to drain the bottle between himself and his brother in celebration of the new year. Sadly, his plan fell through as many a plan a Winchester had made often did. After taking only two shots of the strong drink, Sam called it a night, and Dean found himself alone with his liquor and his thoughts.
It was only 12:30 A.M. on the first day of 2011, but Dean could already tell that the year was going to be both a long and exhausting one for the both of them.
Yes, Sam had his soul back. However, Dean still had to remind himself that Sam's soul had been dead, tortured, and in hell for over a year and nothing was ever going to erase that. Even with the return of his missing soul, Sam was still not the person he'd lost in that field. That Sam was gone never to return. He died with his eyes closed as he'd been sucked into the vast darkness of hell. This Sam hurt more and hid more. This Sam sometimes made Dean long for 'RoboSam.' At least that version of his little brother didn't wake up screaming and covered in sweat. At least that version of his brother didn't sleep for twelve to fifteen hour blocks. At least that version of his brother ate at regular intervals and took care of his personal hygiene without being reminded to do so.
Dean remembers Sam lying on that bed and screaming at him to not let Death return his soul. Sometimes Dean wishes he would have listened to Sam. Maybe if he'd listened, his little brother wouldn't be suffering like he is now. The 'walls' did nothing to hold back the darkness that easily creeped over them. Sam's 'soul' had been broken into a thousand jagged pieces and the only thing holding it all together was hope and promises.
At least the soulless Sam had been willing to listen to his ideas and suggestions. Sam without his soul had understood that Dean, at the very least, had had his best interest at heart. This Sam, his Sam, was closed off and quiet. This Sam reminded Dean so much of the 17-year-old brother that left his family for Stanford. Quiet and distant. This Sam scared him in ways that Sam without his soul never had. Souless Sam hadn't been able to break his heart with a simple glance. This Sam made his heart ache on a regular and constant basis.
Dean purchased a thirty dollar bottle of Johnnie Walker Red Label with plans to drain the bottle between himself and his brother in celebration of the new year.
Dean watches the slow rise and fall of his brother's chest as he sleeps in the bed across from him. As Johnnie Walker slips and slides though his veins, he wonders if he made the right decision. He wonders is Sam is better off whole and damaged, or if he was better off content.
This Sam was not the Sam he'd expected.
This Sam is still somehow dead. This Sam sacrificed everything to save the world. This Sam is his brother, and he will do everything in his power to keep him safe, whole, and alive.
This Sam, although changed, is the only family he has left.