boyfriend and girlfriend
there is no doubt in my mind that anthony is perfect, but i can smell the problems already. nothing major, but they are the sort of things that can develop into super heavy relationship problems.
i admit that im an extremely jealous person. so jealous in fact, that i am sickly paranoid. i have already felt the "unnecessary jitters" when i hear anthony talking to a girl on the phone, or see that he has a message from someone i dont know. im scared that he would leave me for a girl who is his own age, or even acts like shes 24. when im 21, he'll be 25... when im 22, he'll be 26. wouldnt he want someone his own age? sometimes i worry that he just wanted to date me solely because i looked "interesting". whats gonna happen when i take my plugs out, i hide the tattoos, my hair grows out,.. i dont look interesting.... i'll just be another schmo (spelling?) on the street. im worried that he really wont mean "i love you" a few months down the line, and i'll be stranded in an aimless, loveless, relationship with someone i cant get back. i know how a mind like his works, cause im honestly similar. "you're with me, awesome. you're not with me, fuck you." once he figures out that he fell out of love, i might never hear from him again...
i know this is just me and im carried away with the fact that im putting myself in a place where i MIGHT get hurt. its fucking ridiculous i can always get hurt. its a mental struggle, between whats real and whats not real. i KNOW that anthony is honorable and truthful and assuring... i suppose all this worry is just the "baggage".....
another problem....
he has the same problem....
i think im a delusional schizophrenic.
(which reminds me. i took my midterm on wednesday. i hope i got a good grade, cause i actually studied. cross your fingers for me)
i admit that im an extremely jealous person. so jealous in fact, that i am sickly paranoid. i have already felt the "unnecessary jitters" when i hear anthony talking to a girl on the phone, or see that he has a message from someone i dont know. im scared that he would leave me for a girl who is his own age, or even acts like shes 24. when im 21, he'll be 25... when im 22, he'll be 26. wouldnt he want someone his own age? sometimes i worry that he just wanted to date me solely because i looked "interesting". whats gonna happen when i take my plugs out, i hide the tattoos, my hair grows out,.. i dont look interesting.... i'll just be another schmo (spelling?) on the street. im worried that he really wont mean "i love you" a few months down the line, and i'll be stranded in an aimless, loveless, relationship with someone i cant get back. i know how a mind like his works, cause im honestly similar. "you're with me, awesome. you're not with me, fuck you." once he figures out that he fell out of love, i might never hear from him again...
i know this is just me and im carried away with the fact that im putting myself in a place where i MIGHT get hurt. its fucking ridiculous i can always get hurt. its a mental struggle, between whats real and whats not real. i KNOW that anthony is honorable and truthful and assuring... i suppose all this worry is just the "baggage".....
another problem....
he has the same problem....
i think im a delusional schizophrenic.
(which reminds me. i took my midterm on wednesday. i hope i got a good grade, cause i actually studied. cross your fingers for me)