hello my name is: undesirving bitch
This is me ranting to myself:
So, Aly has been my best friend for 8 years now, right? I befriended her before she became popular, I've been there for her just as much as shes been there for me (which is always). But what happened to that? This entire year I've barely said a thing to her. We usually hang out one day every three or four months, she doesnt call, we've stopped IMing. When she does come over, it usually brightens my day, but now we dont even talk. We watch a movie which she sleeps through. Sometimes I think she's just grin-and-bearing it, you know, being my friend and all. Its either out of guilt or duty or something. I'm her obligation. My place as best friend has been filled by a girl named Tanisha, who has known Aly for about 2 years. Hmm 2...8...2....8...which one sounds like more? I guess it doesnt matter, its quality over quantity and I'm obviously not a high quality friend to her anymore. And the worst part is that its not her fault, and for the most part shes done nothing wrong.
What's sparked this sudden parting of ways?
Ever since we got into high school she's been increasingly embarassed of me. And she hides it well, which I have to respect. She never mentions me to other friends, when we hang out it never goes in her myspace or away messege, she usually wont tell anyone we're hanging out. I dont even know what it is that she's embarassed of. Because I was a loner back in fifth grade? Because I'm fat? Because I dont fit in with her circle of friends? Because I'm a softcore confused alternative kid?Whichever, it doesnt matter because I most likley wont change it. This sounds harsh but No one has made me feel as terrible and worthless as Alysson has and however untintentional it is, it still hurts.
We dont have anything in common, but I always thought that was the beauty of our friendship. Maybe I'm sadly mistaken. I think she doesnt have fun with me, when we hang out together anymore. She's bored with me. My goofy nature has run its course, and its true that I am of no use to her anymore. We're too different for us to even get along anymore.
Its the little stabs that make you bleed to death
It was no big deal. All friends do these things, and it's just a little backstab that you get over the next day. But for some reason this just really hurt. So we were supposed to hang out today after her first day of work. I was kind of excited because she basically told me she's not going to Canada this week like we'd been planning before school even ended. So I was at my gradma's and didnt take my phone, came home and saw that she called like half an hour ago. So I called her back twice and no answer both times. In her away messege it says that she's at Tanisha's. Ok I understand that Tanisha is her best friend, but come on! She couldnt wait half an hour for me to get home! Especially because we had plans, you know the plans we make only once every couple months. When I read that it literally felt like a knife was stabbed through my heart. I instantly started crying becuase it was the moment that I realized I'm an obligation, not a best friend.
Ok another beyond stupid thing that shouldnt matter but really hurt me was the fact that I'm not in her "people I cant live without" section of her myspace, nor am I her top 1. And everyone knows that means I'm not the most important person in her life, Tanisha is.
Maybe she's mad because i didnt get her a birthday present, ok sorry that i dont have any money whatsoever, and lets not forget that she forgot my sweet sixteen and didnt give me a present or a card. So yeah, I'm not the bad one, at least i had a reason.
She was the only person I thought would bother calling me after high school, like the friend that would be there forever and we'd never lose our bond. And I'm wrong. The only thing I could rely on has dissappeared, and after I graduate I am going to be alone, and have to start over. Maybe it wont happen right away, but give it two years. its going to be like I fell off the face of the earth.