Hopeless
Whats wrong with me?
Latley I've been thinking about wierd things, kind of morbid. But then again morbid is pretty much the basis of my being. But I've honestly been thinking; if I die, who would really be affected?
And btw, I'm not fucking suicidal. I swear, I've just been thinking about true friendship and all that.
But honestly, who would really really fall apart without me?
firstly I thought of Aly. She's been the most important person in my life for the longest time. She's my best friend and I wouldnt even be close to the person I am today without her. I know that she would be forever affected by it. I think she would break down and (even though i really wouldnt want her to) might go into depression. But she's more optimistic, so I think if I died, it would be more of an inspirational kind of thing.
Then I though, Julie. Again she's similar to Aly in the fact that she's more optimistic than self-destruct. But I think it would affect her extremly negitivley in the beggining. She would probably to something extravagant during my funeral, in a good way.
This brings me to Katie. But I think it would be different with her. Like, in my dying, it would somehow turn around and be about her.
And then theres Eric. I think it would effect him now but I dont think it would have any long term affect on him wayyy later in his life. I think it would be one of those things where one night his memory of me would just kind of float in his mind or something.
Plus my Dad too, I think some really crazy things would happen to him.
At first when I was thinking about posting this bulliten it was supposed to be me feeling sorry for myself because i wanted to be convinced that i was pretty much alone. Sometimes I am alone, I guess. But now its different. In writing this, and thinkin about it, I dont feel so much alone. I think that even though this isnt too many people, its the strength and bond between us that makes me feel better. That the pure intensity of our friendships, and whole-heartdly loving them like they were my blood, makes me feel like...I'm not sure. It's a pretty big feeling.
No one is probably reading this, but if you are...seriously I'm not going to kill myself! These are just random needs to write