Fic - Fuck You, Flip Flops (Mark/Eduardo)
Fuck you, Flip Flops | Mark/Eduardo, WTF, 1242 words
This is basically digipulse's fault. Fill for a prompt in the meme Mark is behind the latest DDoS because he's so enraged when a fanfic-inspired attempt at winning back Eduardo goes COMPLETELY WRONG. And it given him HOPE and eff you LJ. Eff you kinkmeme!
Archived on AO3 in case LJ decides to shit itself again.
"MAAAAAAAAAAARKKKKKKK!!!!!! MARK!!!!!!!!!"
Mark immediately closes emacs and clutches his laptop to his chest before running behind his desk and vainly trying to get away from Eduardo who is stalking towards him.
"What the fuck is this?" Eduardo hisses before slamming fifty pages of recent book-bound paper.
Mark blinks up at him and shoves his laptop to the nearest intern, still fearful for the damage a raging Eduardo would bring.
Dustin pops his head up out of nowhere and says "A WILD MURDEROUS DEER APPEAR-"
Eduardo looks over his shoulder and sends Dustin a glare that could make any lesser man's dick shrivel up and die. Dustin cowers back respectively.
Eduardo turns back to where Mark is trying to reach for the panic button hidden under his desk. He promptly puts his hands back in the front pockets of the NorthFace jacket he may or may not have clutched while weeping into his cereals every time it's raining.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?"
Mark looks down at the blue hard cover and the hand written note he penned on the side: WE DONT ONLY HAVE GROUPIES, WARDO. WE ALSO HAVE LITERARY PORN.
"It's a book"
"Of what?"
"Of paper."
"MARK."
"I compiled all the fics and categorised them by genre including group sex and also arranged them in order of things I'm willing to try and things I'd prefer just imagining about. I can't find the tentacle sex porn but I'd rather not have you read that anyway so I didn't search for it further"
Eduardo's nostrils flare. "What are you talking about? You arranged it according to your willingness to, what, role play as my teacher? You want to have sex with me?"
"I'm not opposed to the idea."
"And you think giving me... these... stories would make me want to have sex with you?"
"Which story?"
"Mark!"
"You don't want to have sex with me?"
"No"
Then Eduardo walks out the building.
Mark stands frozen for a couple of seconds before looking back to his employees who are not even pretending to not stare.
"Okay," Mark breathes out. "Everyone in Software Engineering, drop whatever the fuck you're doing and listen to your CEO. We're taking LiveJournal down."
Everyone blinks at him.
"Now?" asks Dustin who finally stops cowering behind the table.
"No, next year. Of fucking course now."
"Why are we even doing this?" Screams someone from down the third row. Mark stalks to where she is and sees her minimize a window.
"False advertising," Mark hisses then raises his voice so everyone on 2nd floor hears him. "If you haven't taken LJ down after I get back from peeing, there will be a mandatory hackathon for a month."
Someone behind him gasps out a "no!"
"YES." He grits out. "I don't give a fuck. CEO bitch etcetera etcetera. Take the fucking site down or you're going to have to share bathrooms for a month."
Mark stomps away and misses the frantic warning comments the kinkmeme people in his staff are sending on tumblr.
--
"Wait, what?"
"I said I need you to tell your people to leave me the fuck alone."
Mark pulls his iphone away from his ear to check if it's really Wardo on calling him then promptly puts it back as Eduardo mouthbreathes down the line like a fucking torro.
"What are you talking about, Wardo?"
"Don't call me- ugh I need to work, Mark. And to be able to do that, I need to be able to leave my house without people yelling at me to forgive you."
"What?"
Eduardo sends Mark a photo through his email.
There are hundreds of women and a few men standing outside what seems to be the surrounding area of Four Seasons. There are picket signs.
"Wow," as Mark zooms in on the girl with "JUST FUCK HIM ALREADY I WANT MY FLIST BACK!"
"Fuck you. Tell them to go."
"I didn't send them there."
Mark can hear someone from outside having a dramatic reading of one of his favourite fics from the meme.
"Ugh, Mark, make them stop!"
"That's my favourite fic. One of them."
"The fuck are you talking about?"
"We got drunk in Vegas and then got hitched then had awesome sex."
" Never Marry for Money?"
"Yes." Mark blinks. "what?"
"Nothing"
Mark smirks. "You read it too, didn't you?"
"No." A beat. "Yes."
"Wardo, I really am sorry."
"I know, okay, I know. I just wanted to sulk."
"Wardo."
"Fine"
"What fine?"
"Fine. I forgive you."
"Okay."
The woman speaking on the mic is reading the part where Eduardo is moaning like a whore.
"Oh my god, Mark, make them stop."
"Dinner later?"
"Anything to make them stop oh my god"
--
> Are they really back together?
Mark watches the screen of one of his minions from by the super secret remote computer.
> Yes
> HOW DO WE KNOW YOURE REALLY FBANON?
> PICS OR IT DIDNT HAPPEN
> PREFERABLY SOMETHING THAT INVOLVES HAND HOLDING
> or kissing
> YES
Mark tries to walk down to where the girl having an anon comment chat on a thread in the kink meme is sitting like a ninja.
Then he shoves his phone in front of the girl's face. "Here send this."
The girl shrieks and falls off her chair. Mark rolls his eyes and uploads a recent photo of him and Eduardo before pasting the link on a comment.
Mark watches the girl's gmail notification explode with messages.
"I hate you," the girl mumbles as endless pings of alerts echo throughout the entire floor.
"You're not fired."
"I know. You're with War-Eduardo because of us though"
"I'm still your boss"
Then Mark refreshes the page and what do you know, they've gone from flailing to doubtful.
> I THINK IT'S FAKE
> MARK'S HAIR LOOKS WEIRD
> I KNOW. WHY IS HIS NOSE LIKE THAT.
> MANIP!
> FAKE!
> OMG!!!!!!!!! IS DIS REAL LIFE!!!!!!!!
Mark is three seconds away from launching another attack before a hand covers his on the mouse.
"Wardo," Mark immediately breathes out. "What's wrong with my nose?"
"Nothing. It's perfect."
Mark blushes.
The girl doesn't even try to hide the fact that she's taking pictures of them on her phone. So is everyone around them.
"Let's just post a video on youtube about us, okay?"
"Kissing?"
"Okay"
" Will we make a sex tape and will you leave me to deal with the fall out if it gets leaked by Sean?"
"Will you sulk like a girl on PMS if I leave?"
"Shut up"
"Thought so. Don't worry, I'm not leaving you."
"YOU BETTER FUCKING NOT" Chris shouts from where he's trying to fix the stunt Mark pulled. "I can't believe it took a revolt to get you two together"
"Aren't you supposed to be in New York?"
"I'm Chris fucking Hughes."
Fair enough.
--
Later when they finally appeased virtually everyone on tumblr, Facebook, Twitter, and what feels like the entire world. Eduardo gently places the huge hardbound book that he threw at Mark a few days ago.
Mark looks up from where he’s pretending to code but actually writing prompts.
“What is it?”
“You better boner up, asshole,” Eduardo grins predatorily at him.
“Are you coming back for everything?” Mark says as he slides down until he’s flat on his back on their bed.
“No. You’re coming on everything.”
Mark’s body is ready.
This is basically digipulse's fault. Fill for a prompt in the meme Mark is behind the latest DDoS because he's so enraged when a fanfic-inspired attempt at winning back Eduardo goes COMPLETELY WRONG. And it given him HOPE and eff you LJ. Eff you kinkmeme!
Archived on AO3 in case LJ decides to shit itself again.
"MAAAAAAAAAAARKKKKKKK!!!!!! MARK!!!!!!!!!"
Mark immediately closes emacs and clutches his laptop to his chest before running behind his desk and vainly trying to get away from Eduardo who is stalking towards him.
"What the fuck is this?" Eduardo hisses before slamming fifty pages of recent book-bound paper.
Mark blinks up at him and shoves his laptop to the nearest intern, still fearful for the damage a raging Eduardo would bring.
Dustin pops his head up out of nowhere and says "A WILD MURDEROUS DEER APPEAR-"
Eduardo looks over his shoulder and sends Dustin a glare that could make any lesser man's dick shrivel up and die. Dustin cowers back respectively.
Eduardo turns back to where Mark is trying to reach for the panic button hidden under his desk. He promptly puts his hands back in the front pockets of the NorthFace jacket he may or may not have clutched while weeping into his cereals every time it's raining.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?"
Mark looks down at the blue hard cover and the hand written note he penned on the side: WE DONT ONLY HAVE GROUPIES, WARDO. WE ALSO HAVE LITERARY PORN.
"It's a book"
"Of what?"
"Of paper."
"MARK."
"I compiled all the fics and categorised them by genre including group sex and also arranged them in order of things I'm willing to try and things I'd prefer just imagining about. I can't find the tentacle sex porn but I'd rather not have you read that anyway so I didn't search for it further"
Eduardo's nostrils flare. "What are you talking about? You arranged it according to your willingness to, what, role play as my teacher? You want to have sex with me?"
"I'm not opposed to the idea."
"And you think giving me... these... stories would make me want to have sex with you?"
"Which story?"
"Mark!"
"You don't want to have sex with me?"
"No"
Then Eduardo walks out the building.
Mark stands frozen for a couple of seconds before looking back to his employees who are not even pretending to not stare.
"Okay," Mark breathes out. "Everyone in Software Engineering, drop whatever the fuck you're doing and listen to your CEO. We're taking LiveJournal down."
Everyone blinks at him.
"Now?" asks Dustin who finally stops cowering behind the table.
"No, next year. Of fucking course now."
"Why are we even doing this?" Screams someone from down the third row. Mark stalks to where she is and sees her minimize a window.
"False advertising," Mark hisses then raises his voice so everyone on 2nd floor hears him. "If you haven't taken LJ down after I get back from peeing, there will be a mandatory hackathon for a month."
Someone behind him gasps out a "no!"
"YES." He grits out. "I don't give a fuck. CEO bitch etcetera etcetera. Take the fucking site down or you're going to have to share bathrooms for a month."
Mark stomps away and misses the frantic warning comments the kinkmeme people in his staff are sending on tumblr.
--
"Wait, what?"
"I said I need you to tell your people to leave me the fuck alone."
Mark pulls his iphone away from his ear to check if it's really Wardo on calling him then promptly puts it back as Eduardo mouthbreathes down the line like a fucking torro.
"What are you talking about, Wardo?"
"Don't call me- ugh I need to work, Mark. And to be able to do that, I need to be able to leave my house without people yelling at me to forgive you."
"What?"
Eduardo sends Mark a photo through his email.
There are hundreds of women and a few men standing outside what seems to be the surrounding area of Four Seasons. There are picket signs.
"Wow," as Mark zooms in on the girl with "JUST FUCK HIM ALREADY I WANT MY FLIST BACK!"
"Fuck you. Tell them to go."
"I didn't send them there."
Mark can hear someone from outside having a dramatic reading of one of his favourite fics from the meme.
"Ugh, Mark, make them stop!"
"That's my favourite fic. One of them."
"The fuck are you talking about?"
"We got drunk in Vegas and then got hitched then had awesome sex."
" Never Marry for Money?"
"Yes." Mark blinks. "what?"
"Nothing"
Mark smirks. "You read it too, didn't you?"
"No." A beat. "Yes."
"Wardo, I really am sorry."
"I know, okay, I know. I just wanted to sulk."
"Wardo."
"Fine"
"What fine?"
"Fine. I forgive you."
"Okay."
The woman speaking on the mic is reading the part where Eduardo is moaning like a whore.
"Oh my god, Mark, make them stop."
"Dinner later?"
"Anything to make them stop oh my god"
--
> Are they really back together?
Mark watches the screen of one of his minions from by the super secret remote computer.
> Yes
> HOW DO WE KNOW YOURE REALLY FBANON?
> PICS OR IT DIDNT HAPPEN
> PREFERABLY SOMETHING THAT INVOLVES HAND HOLDING
> or kissing
> YES
Mark tries to walk down to where the girl having an anon comment chat on a thread in the kink meme is sitting like a ninja.
Then he shoves his phone in front of the girl's face. "Here send this."
The girl shrieks and falls off her chair. Mark rolls his eyes and uploads a recent photo of him and Eduardo before pasting the link on a comment.
Mark watches the girl's gmail notification explode with messages.
"I hate you," the girl mumbles as endless pings of alerts echo throughout the entire floor.
"You're not fired."
"I know. You're with War-Eduardo because of us though"
"I'm still your boss"
Then Mark refreshes the page and what do you know, they've gone from flailing to doubtful.
> I THINK IT'S FAKE
> MARK'S HAIR LOOKS WEIRD
> I KNOW. WHY IS HIS NOSE LIKE THAT.
> MANIP!
> FAKE!
> OMG!!!!!!!!! IS DIS REAL LIFE!!!!!!!!
Mark is three seconds away from launching another attack before a hand covers his on the mouse.
"Wardo," Mark immediately breathes out. "What's wrong with my nose?"
"Nothing. It's perfect."
Mark blushes.
The girl doesn't even try to hide the fact that she's taking pictures of them on her phone. So is everyone around them.
"Let's just post a video on youtube about us, okay?"
"Kissing?"
"Okay"
" Will we make a sex tape and will you leave me to deal with the fall out if it gets leaked by Sean?"
"Will you sulk like a girl on PMS if I leave?"
"Shut up"
"Thought so. Don't worry, I'm not leaving you."
"YOU BETTER FUCKING NOT" Chris shouts from where he's trying to fix the stunt Mark pulled. "I can't believe it took a revolt to get you two together"
"Aren't you supposed to be in New York?"
"I'm Chris fucking Hughes."
Fair enough.
--
Later when they finally appeased virtually everyone on tumblr, Facebook, Twitter, and what feels like the entire world. Eduardo gently places the huge hardbound book that he threw at Mark a few days ago.
Mark looks up from where he’s pretending to code but actually writing prompts.
“What is it?”
“You better boner up, asshole,” Eduardo grins predatorily at him.
“Are you coming back for everything?” Mark says as he slides down until he’s flat on his back on their bed.
“No. You’re coming on everything.”
Mark’s body is ready.