ONTD Original: Celebrity Made-For-TV Movies We'd Like to See
Earlier today, I made a comment about Breaking Bad’s Anna Gun looking like she was ready to take on the role of Sandra Lee in her Lifetime original movie and it got me thinking, what would happen if ONTD were in charge of celebrity made-for-TV movies? So let’s take a moment from stealing the work of others and workshop some ideas of our own, shall we? Let me get the ball rolling by introducing 10 movies I would like to see ONTD make. Feel free to add your own in the comments.
1. Kwanzaa Cakes & Tablescapes: The Sandra Lee Story
One woman’s journey into the seedy underbelly of television cookery. Armed with nothing but a packet of Hidden Valley ranch dip mix, a bottle of Peach Schnapps and a dream, Auntie Sandy must prove to the country, and to herself, that tablescapes are America’s only hope for the future. Starring Breaking Bad’s Anna Gunn as Sandra Lee. (Lifetime, 8pm)
2. My Little Pony Presents: A Cyrus Family Christmas
After twerking a little too hard on Santa’s lap and finding herself on the naughty list, our favorite ponies Trace, Noah, Billy Ray and Trish must travel across the magical land of West Hollywood to try and find Miley’s missing self-respect before Christmas is ruined! Featuring a brand new recording of All I Want For Christmas Is You (To Put Your Tongue Back in Your Goddamn Mouth). Animated. (CMT, 5pm)
3. From Decatur to De Walmart Parking Lot: The Keri Hilson Story
When a former singing sensation is left mortified after a disastrous performance in a Walmart parking lot, she begins to take a look at her life and her choices and question whether or not she is finally ready to accept Beysus as her lord and savior. Starring Ciara as Keri Hilson (OWN, 1:35am)
4. Rich Cronin: 9th Grave Style
In this sexy, supernatural tour de fornication, the ghost of Rich Cronin haunts the vaginas/anuses of unsuspecting ONTD newbies, feeling them up 9th grade style and making them cum 110x harder with his ghost cock in their ass. Rated IJAF. (Cinemax On Demand)
5. Nikki Blonksy: Toe Up, Mop the Floor Up
Following a massive (no pun intended) role in the film adaption of the hit Broadway musical Hairspray, New Jersey’s own Nikki Blonsky finds herself at the bottom of the Hollywood food chain and a tub of ice cream. After fighting with a reality show contestant in an airport and taking jobs as a floor sweeper and a shoe salesman, Nikki doesn’t truly reach her rock bottom until she guest stars on season two of NBC’s very own musical Ponzi scheme, Smash. Glee’s Ashley Fink stars as Blonksy with cameos by Kevin Zegers as Zac Efron and Rupaul’s Drag Race’s Kenya Michaels as Bianca Golden. (Logo, 10pm, following a 6 hour Roseanne marathon)
6. RDJ: A Revisionist History
This biographical tale of 13 time Teen Choice Award nominee Robert Downey Jr. regales the story of Hollywood’s most beloved actor by completing ignoring those 20 some-odd years from about 1980-2004 in which he was his own personal, year-round Burning Man. Starring an adorable, little kitty cat as Robert Downey Jr. (HBO, 8pm)
7. The Sky Ferreira’s The Limit
The film is currently in pre-production. This film is not yet rated. This film is scheduled for release in the US: Fall 2011. No further details are available at this time.
8. Black Michelle Williams: Hey, I Exist
3LW and Cheetah Girl Kiely Williams takes a break from having her tracks pulled out while her man was “blowin her back out” to star in this seemingly fictional telling of a third member of Destiny’s Child that was not Beyonce Knowles-Carter or Kelendria Roland. Though some may not remember Michelle, a newly surfaced VHS tape of the group performing Bootylicious live on the Rosie O'Donnell Show confirms her existence. (BET, 10:30pm)
9. Okey Dokey Loki
When an unassuming academic from London is suddenly thrust into the spotlight, a once oafish bookworm becomes an international sex symbol for virgins the world over. Rooney Mara plays Tom Hiddleston in this offbeat romantic comedy about one man and his weird internet cult of fangirls. (BBC America, 8pm)
10. Room Service
This hilarious and heartwarming tale of a Bosnian refuge turned successful businesswoman stars Hayden Panettiere . Diana Jenkins is living the American dream. Pimping out young coke-addicted actress/models to wealthy Arab businessman isn't just a job but a passion. But when an anonymous tipster tries to derail the release of her new book, Room 23, it is up to Jenkins to join together with her harem of Hollywood hotties and fight back. Tricks around every corner! Written and directed by Diablo Cody, narrated by Robert Downey Jr, XOXO. (Nickelodeon, 8pm)