Amelia goes on a date with Disappointing Man
If this had dropped before Andrew recently professed his love and admiration for a known abuser, would ONTD feel differently about Amelia going on a date with him? She asks him Snog, Marry, Avoid, between Tobey Maguire, Tom Holland and herself. He asks her what she wants in her life, marriage, kids, the lot
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addiction and sobriety can and do absolutely change who you are as a person, though. no one has to forgive mel gibson or feel compassion for him because of his alcoholism and subsequent sobriety, that's not the point of sobriety or making amends, but i actually don't think andrew garfield's comment is excusing him or saying "oh he was an alcoholic but is all better now". he's saying that he has compassion around addiction and sobriety, not saying anyone else has to feel that way. ultimately the vast majority of people get sober because they want to change and their lives are unmanageable, it could've been the same for mel gibson.
maybe i'm biased because i'm a recovering alcoholic but i can say with certainty that the person i was in active addiction was not a true reflection of who i actually am or my values. i was literally out of my mind and under the influence of a mood-altering drug 99% of the time, that absolutely made me think and act in ways i feel so much guilt for and do not agree with on a moral level. it's so complex, but that doesn't absolve me of my actions or mean i'm automatically entitled to forgiveness or support. i know some people won't agree with me on this, and that's fine, but i know that in active addiction the paranoia and instability caused by my drinking absolutely impacted my values system and made me act in ways and hold beliefs and judgements that i categorically did and do not believe in sober. it's so insidious and it's hard for people to sympathise with it, and they don't have to.
sorry for writing you an essay btw, and i hope this doesn't seem like i'm invalidating your feelings - at the end of the day, none of what i wrote means that i or any addict is entitled to your compassion or forgiveness! coming to terms with that's a tough but necessary part of recovery. like it or not, some people will see me always as the person i was when i was an active addict, and it's not fair of me to force them to feel otherwise.
obviously, personally responsibility is another big part of it, and it's definitely true that some recovering addicts hold harmful, toxic beliefs and act in hurtful ways even when they're not using. this could also be the case w/ mel gibson. i just have a lot of feelings about this topic apparently!
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