Xtina on the Cover of Paper Magazine

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On her mic falling off its stand during a live performance of “Ain't No Other Man”

I am an extreme perfectionist as far as prepping and making sure the details are together. I do as much as I can to prepare because I've been through it all after so long, but at the same time, when it does hit the fan it's like, Whatever. There's more important things to life than a mic falling off a stand. You’ve got to laugh and roll with it as a performer.

On being a perfectionist and when to let go

I have a really good sense of humor about myself. At the end of the day, I don't take myself and fame so seriously. I’m in it for the love and the creativity, and how I can connect and hopefully spread messages. But as far as the fame itself, it's never been the goal. That's the most frustrating part for me: having to over give myself when I'm such a private person, especially with this age of social media. Everybody wants something of you. But having such a history in the business, I learned very early on that it's impossible to strive for complete perfection and to please every single person in every way. I am a perfectionist, but there's an element of being raw that I love with live performing. Being too strategic loses the element of living in the moment as an artist. I'm a weird juxtaposition of things, but now more than ever I get comfortable with the idea of letting go. And you have to be an example to your kids, too. You can't fall apart, shit’s gonna happen, things are gonna get messy. So I try to keep a positive headspace for them.

On finding joy

When you're young, you don't know anything else, so you have this sense of narcissism where you think it is all about you. Then you grow up, and at the end of the day people move on, people don't care. I'm into finding my own joy now, I don't put my joy in the hands of other people. I think that’s why I’ve never followed the standards with exactly how my albums should sound or fitting a mold. I've always tried to be about where I'm at creatively and look at the big picture.

On authenticity and artistry in pop

I think it's corny to do things intentionally for pop culture, noise and for attention to stay quote-unquote “relevant.” That becomes its own weird animal that gets away from artistry, period. So you can be a pop artist and genuinely do what you do, and still come through with messages and change it up. I never was interested in making the same record over and over again, that’s my worst idea of music. It's part of our jobs as musicians to see where music is moving and see what's happening socially. It really is about connecting and trying to bring people together. When you connect with your gut. When you get into a space where it becomes about a gimmick, when it becomes about trying to fit a mold, when it becomes about trying too hard to get a charted record, you lose the authenticity there. And that's why the formulaic pop route was always a place I tried to stay away from. Yes, I do pop music. Yes, I love writing things that people can sing along to. I've done things for soundtracks or that fit a specific genre and a purpose for clubs that are free and not as deep as I would personally go. But when it comes to making my albums, that's how you really connect.

On charting and creative integrity

I'm not a machine, I'm not a number. I'm a human who wants to connect on a very human level. To a lot of people, it is about numbers because numbers generate dollars and that's when it becomes business and stale and, to me, the ugly beast of the creative business. Success is great, it brings people together. It generates conversation. But I will never be a part of the creative world in a way that jeopardizes my own integrity.

On her early success and taking ownership of herself

I was taught many lessons with [my first album], not only about myself and where I wanted to find joy in music, but when you have that level of success so early on there's so much disappointment that comes because people change around you. I was surrounded by a lot of male figures, where I constantly heard things you don't need to hear. I was caught in all of that and learned a lot early on to create “Fighter.” Even “Dirrty,” like stop with your ideals of me being in this little bubble of being sexy, but not too sexy. Be sweet, but not too sweet. Get all these ideals off me. I'm 21, I’m going out to clubs and having fun with my dancers. You work so hard when you're in that world of having multiple charting hits and you're on this wave. You're in such a blur of a schedule that you can't even think straight. It was a lot and it all went into the artist that I was going to become. It definitely was a time to hypersexualize the little girl playing innocent thing. That's why “Dirrty” was so important to me. I hated feeling like I had to play both sides of the coin in a way that I wasn't comfortable with and in a way that I felt was inauthentic. I'm not trying to be cutesy for nobody, I need to rough this up, whether you like it or not. As I said, I was surrounded by a lot of older males, it was a different time. But it's definitely an environment to this day I don't like being around: the macho male gaze. I just can't do it, it's a really uncomfortable place for me to be. A lot of people can stomach that, but I'm just not that girl.

On using her voice to send a message

Coming from an abusive household and seeing my mom feel voiceless and disempowered ignited something in me very early on. I grew up singing in front of people. I could see the reaction as a little girl, when I opened my mouth to sing. I was born with something I believe to be a gift, and I don't take that lightly. I'm going to be that voice that I didn't have growing up for my mother, be that voice for other people that feel voiceless in their own circumstances. It was very hard for me to stomach a lot of what I saw growing up, so I made a very early decision that I would come with something to say.





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