Drew Barrymore admits she wishes her mother Jaid was dead; now says her words were misrepresented

[shangri__la]

Drew Barrymore admits she wishes her mother Jaid was dead: ‘I cannot wait’ https://t.co/0vA9uAAxvJ pic.twitter.com/r0tUKwe3IE
- Page Six (@PageSix) June 5, 2023
Drew Barrymore told New York magazine: “All [of my friends'] moms are gone, and my mom’s not,” Drew says. “And I’m like, Well, I don’t have that luxury. But I cannot wait. I don’t want to

Comments

[jesuisjuan]

Yeah, one thing that would upset me in the past on dating apps would be answers to prompts that would read, "A non-negotiable for me is how you get along with your parents," or "A red flag is someone who bad mouths their parents." Not many people realize that, sadly, having safe and secure relationships with those who brought us here (because we didn't ask or choose to be here) can be a privilege. Sometimes, they really try their best to love and support their children as best they can with whatever they were nurtured with (if at all), and I can empathize with that since it can be intergenerational trauma. It may just not have been enough for the needs of the children, and it really affects them as they get older. It's too complex and not black and white as people would think.

I can't judge people who feel that way. There will be people who will still say that one should honor thy mother and father, even though it's not reciprocated or practiced by the parents to their kids. I still don't get that. I understand there can be feelings of anger/sadness for the hurt and maybe even relief if a parent died, AND I can see how they can feel guilty for that because it's taboo or frowned upon to be relieved when someone dies, especially in a society where we're taught to love and be grateful for our parents.

If anyone wants to read more about NPD/narcissistic parents and healing on that kind of stuff, you should totally read:
- Worthy of Love: A Gentle and Restorative Path to Healing After Narcissistic Abuse (Part 2 of a Series)
- Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents
- https://www.choosingtherapy.com/narcissistic-family-structure/#:~:text=A%20narcissistic%20family%20structure%20will,role%E2%80%9D%20in%20the%20family%20system.
- https://eggshelltherapy.com/
- https://www.insider.com/sibling-dynamics-behaviors-narcissistic-families-2019-7#:~:text=3.,the%20family%2C%22%20she%20said.

[drunkard]

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents really helped me in my mid-20s. I second your recommendation & will check out the other book.

Edit: I also want to add Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller, which helped me a lot as well.

The "drama" of the gifted - i.e., sensitive, alert - child consists of his recognition at a very early age of his parents' needs and of his adaptation to these needs. In the process, he learns to repress rather than to acknowledge his own intense feelings because they are unacceptable to his parents.

[jesuisjuan]

Thanks, I'll look into it and get a copy of it. I could use it lol It's usually the gifted ones who end up being the highly sensitive people with intense emotions and with a moral compass and have a hard time managing the roles at home and then seeing how things aren't okay. They end up being the emotional spouse or the parentified child or the parent's best friend rather than a child. I've seen how vocal they can be and end up being the black sheep or learn to survive by neglecting their needs and being people-pleasers and not fully their authentic selves relationally, and as a result, it's hard to be intimate, vulnerable, and emotional and around people who can make one feel secure and have their needs met. I'm all about this stuff, and gosh. Unlearning, unwiring, and healing is a bitch lol So worth it, but damn lol Thanks again!

[moustacherider]

Big off at that quote. I'll have to get that book.

[sibylblack]

The "drama" of the gifted - i.e., sensitive, alert - child consists of his recognition at a very early age of his parents' needs and of his adaptation to these needs. In the process, he learns to repress rather than to acknowledge his own intense feelings because they are unacceptable to his parents.

Wow, sounds like me (except I don't think my mother was a narcissistic parent, only a bit strict sometimes.)

To this day I tend to be a people pleaser and I think my childhood explains why.

[jesuisjuan]

Just another quick comment, but I found free PDF's since I understand money can be tight. You can always use your library card, too. These are safe links that I've downloaded from before:

https://vdoc.pub/download/the-drama-of-the-gifted-child-the-search-for-the-true-self-71nfdqn3kms0
https://vk.com/wall491905418_563

[drunkard]

You're awesome. ❤️

[jesuisjuan]

So are you! Thanks for the suggestion!

[laceleather]

The way I read those prompts is I want a partner without that level of parental baggage. It's sad because it's never the child's fault. Some people I guess find it easier to just date those they don't have to worry about that trauma affecting their relationship.

[healthypanda]

Thanks for all the resources you posted! And I totally agree. For people to NOT understand why others don't want a relationship with their parents...what a gift. I don't have a relationship with my mom at the moment and am on the outs with my dad, and it's one of the hardest things I've had to go through. In an ideal world, I'd still have a relationship with them, but it's hard to maintain a relationship with anyone if they're not willing to change and they are continuously controlling/emotionally abusive.

[jesuisjuan]

I'm sorry about that, and I can relate. People think that physical boundaries and leaving the environment are ways to heal, but that's only part of the equation. The power and growth comes from within so emotional boundaries and individuating yourself and allowing yourself to be your "self" is more empowering than anything because we're raised to be their ideals or versions of themselves. Once we find our own validation and worth and don't depend on it from others, and we find that kind of love and security from safe people, we're on the right path. Hope the readings help. They sure helped me! :)

[alquilaunhombre]

Wow thanks for these… helpful for dealing with my partners ex