GOOP's What I (Don't) Eat in a Day Goes Viral On Tiky Toky, Confirms Her Status of Queen Almond Mom
@dearmedia #gwynethpaltrow shares her daily wellness routine on The Art Of Being Well, listen now 🎧 #wellnessroutine #healthandwellness #healthylifestyle #routines #goop #podcastclips ♬ Aesthetic - Tollan Kim
If you've ever wanted to look like a 97 year old albino velociraptor, this post is for you! Gwyneth Paltrorthorexia has at last revealed her daily wellness routine, and as you guessed it, it's disordered as fuck! Out of the way Ozempic, move along Mounjaro, and tah-tah Trulicity, Gwyneth is getting back to basics and just starving herself skinny...for HEALTH.
Morning - Starve, but call it a "good fast" so people don't judge you.
Mid-morning - Ignore science and drink black coffee on an empty stomach. Even though this actually raises cortisol which, in turn, raises your blood sugar, just lie and say the opposite is true. The poors don't know any better. They've never been to the Ranch, they just eat it.
Noon - Soup. Well, broth. Just a liquid. Gotta stay hydrated to keep what little, brittle hair you have left and to keep your skin from completely sliding off your bones.
ONE HOUR OF EXERCISE TO BURN OFF THE CALORIES FROM YOUR HOT HAM WATER LUNCH. Then get in the sauna. If you are poor and don't have a personal sauna, I guess you can go to your local Equinox. If you have to work, I don't know what to tell you other than to stop being so poor. It's terrible for your health.
Dinner - Eat early, since at this point, you are likely on the brink of passing out. Enjoy a plate full of your favorite non-starchy veggies. Kale, lettuce, spinach, arugula, whatever it takes to give you enough strength to crawl into bed and sleep away the hunger pains.
What did you poor fats eat today?
SOURCE
If you've ever wanted to look like a 97 year old albino velociraptor, this post is for you! Gwyneth Paltrorthorexia has at last revealed her daily wellness routine, and as you guessed it, it's disordered as fuck! Out of the way Ozempic, move along Mounjaro, and tah-tah Trulicity, Gwyneth is getting back to basics and just starving herself skinny...for HEALTH.
Morning - Starve, but call it a "good fast" so people don't judge you.
Mid-morning - Ignore science and drink black coffee on an empty stomach. Even though this actually raises cortisol which, in turn, raises your blood sugar, just lie and say the opposite is true. The poors don't know any better. They've never been to the Ranch, they just eat it.
Noon - Soup. Well, broth. Just a liquid. Gotta stay hydrated to keep what little, brittle hair you have left and to keep your skin from completely sliding off your bones.
ONE HOUR OF EXERCISE TO BURN OFF THE CALORIES FROM YOUR HOT HAM WATER LUNCH. Then get in the sauna. If you are poor and don't have a personal sauna, I guess you can go to your local Equinox. If you have to work, I don't know what to tell you other than to stop being so poor. It's terrible for your health.
Dinner - Eat early, since at this point, you are likely on the brink of passing out. Enjoy a plate full of your favorite non-starchy veggies. Kale, lettuce, spinach, arugula, whatever it takes to give you enough strength to crawl into bed and sleep away the hunger pains.
What did you poor fats eat today?
SOURCE