Paris Hilton says she thought she was asexual before meeting her husband Carter Reum

[p0uritup]

Paris Hilton says she thought she was asexual before meeting her husband Carter Reum:

“I was known as a sex symbol but anything sexual terrified me…I called myself the ‘kissing bandit’ because I only liked to make out. A lot of my relationships didn’t work out because of that.” pic.twitter.com/TL93cORP8D
- Buzzing Pop (@BuzzingPop) February 17, 2023

Comments

[the_pinkdress]

Biggest surprise for me in both growing up (entering my 30s), and also moving past millennial early-mid aughts pop culture was learning that a lot of the hypersexualized or sexually ~empowered girls actually didn’t even like sex or like never had an orgasm or any number of things.
I look at women and young women who play into the sexualized tropes so differently now tbh.

[goldenhera]

Yeah, it's really bizarre to me! I have never understood the appeal of having sex just to say you're having sex, especially past your teen years. Like, who are you trying to impress and why?

[the_pinkdress]

There are a lot of different reasons so I’m not trying to generalize, but I’ve learned that a lot of girls (as in 20-somethings) were constantly ~hooking up~ really just to get time and attention with the guy they liked (or supposedly liked), or to experience the validation of sex. I’m not saying this to shame anyone at all, because it’s really more of an observation that for so many young women, the experience of sexuality was just the act of sex as a dynamic they could experience with someone, even if it wasn’t enjoyable. But especially in the 2000s/2010s we started to perpetuate this myth that everyone was owning their sexuality and having sex for pleasure.

For me sex and sexuality was more about a more singular chemistry and desire and that was just more rare to find with someone else, but I always felt as though I had got something wrong. It wasn’t until more recently where I’ve learned more that I’ve taken a totally different perspective on it.

[complisult]

When I was having a lot of sex in my 20s, it really came down to enjoying feeling desired and in some cases, powerful, and the sex was just a byproduct of that but not the important part. Now I’m an almost 40 year old married lady and I’m only going to have sex when I want sex, not because of some other feelings wrapped up in it.

[euraylie]

Hook-up culture really has done a number on people. I think it’s mostly guys who benefit…as per usual

[cassismagic]

[euraylie]

Good that you’re finally healing!

I know some people think this sets feminism back, but I do believe most women can enjoy sex and are sexual beings just like men, but our sexuality just operates differently.
And no offence, but I just couldn’t see how suddenly all modern young women were enjoying having sex with near strangers every other night. I felt, to me, like they were pressured into pretending they enjoyed it by society.
I think a lot of young men enjoy that set of circumstances, but I feel a lot of girls/young women don’t really, but feel like they have to participate

[theylezharold]

Truth. My mind was blown when I found out my supposedly very sexual roommate said she only enjoyed sex with men who let her slap them around. If she wasn't hurting men during sex, she didn't like it.

And even later I learned that she didn't like penetration or being touched or held, so that opened the door to her psyche even more.

[genbu_no_miko24]

I think it's because sex was sold a lot to gen x and millennials that you were considered a loser or something is wrong if you're not having sex period.

Even the the gen z crowd got bombarded with sex positive talk which was a bit careless imo. Because a lot of the talk I saw online was basically "as long as it's consensual, go have SEX GIRLS!! empower your sexuality" type of girlboss speel. I kept thinking "okay where is the talk about protection, birth control, emotions, the greys of consensual, etc...etc. So I always doubted a part of it because of free love hippy it was.

A few years later I came across a twitter thread in which girls now in their early 20s are saying how that mentality fucked them up because since it was presented in such a simple way...they went into sex in a simple way. Not all "consensual acts" is always "consensual" and bunch of others things. Some were more confused or unsure of their feelings.

[goldenhera]

Yes, yes, yes. I have always bristled at this view of sex and its why I'm annoyed with the current panic about Gen Z not having enough sex. The number of partners/frequency of sex you have is not more important than your pleasure. Calling yourself a slut (not derogatorily) because you fuck a lot but barely enjoying any of those experiences is not a flex.

[epicdonald]

I used to use a period tracker app and stopped using it because I went like 5 days without having sex and got a little pop up like "is everything okay?? You haven't reported any sexual activity in a while just reminding you you should do it regularly!"

I just immediately deleted the app because how is this app shaming me for going five days without sex?? And this was in 2016/2017.

[genbu_no_miko24]

OMG!! I laugh but how weirdly intrusive!! O.0

[epicdonald]

Yeah it's like I get why the app would ask for like pregnancy prevention or planning reasons, but I didn't expect to get singleshamed!! Also five days is absolutely nothing compared to how long I've gone without at certain points in my life. The app would probably short circuit if I'd had it during my long seasons.

[therearewords]

What the

[theylezharold]

I'm all for sex-negativite feminism (which is the worst name for it - it's like how anti-choice misogynists call pro-choicer/pro-abortion rights activists "baby killers" 😡) while sex-neg feminism in reality is: being okay with having trauma, being demisexual, hating porn or being morally opposed to that, disliking fetishized sex or sexual fetishes overall, only wanting sex with love or with caring and on your terms 100%, any or all of the above.

This article is far from great (reader-chosen comments on nyt are often better than the article, didn't know that was possible) but it's all i could find on mobile instead of some Audrey Wollen writings.

[willardwright]

I think it makes sense, tbh. For these hot girls that are sex icons there's an enormous pressure to be sexy and good at sex and a lot of expectations about it, and they might just not feel ready, random hookup sex (that they're certainly pressured to have sometimes) is not fun for some people... I feel if sex is made up to be this great, most important thing, it might end up being a little disappointing, unless your partner is truly amazing.