Very simple put: you're paying someone else for their womb and therefore putting a price on someone's health because pregnancies have quite the impact.
Of course there's societal layers, but someone else can do that part.
It bugs me that Tig and her wife used a surrogate. They could have adopted. That and one of her bffs is her podcast co-host Cheryl Hines, married to a Kennedy (ew). But Tig has a HUGE "the rules don't apply to me" vibe.
People are angry about adoption now too apparently. While there are obviously issues with trafficking children in certain places, the discourse is all "no child should ever be adopted, just fostered for life"
You still see it in these posts tbh. Another new thing is the suggestion that children should never be formally adopted, but instead fostered long-term while prioritizing relationships with the bio family, basically no matter what the situation is there. You know, because it's not like kids need stability or a sense of belonging.
It is sad. The only gay couples I know that have been able to become parents (assuming neither brought children into the current relationship from a previous one) have been wealthy. Even the ones who have gone the foster-to-adopt route, because it seems like even DJFS doesn't want to give them a shot otherwise. However, that certainly doesn't make me anti-adoption. The system needs to be fixed, not scrapped entirely.
my friend and his husband just adopted a newborn and essentially waited 3 years before the right placement happened - the agency only works with women who were considering giving up for adoption from the start
Yeeep. I'm not adopted (I mean, as far as I know, though a girl can fantasize) but have several close friends who are, a couple of which are different races than their adopted families. I know that they all think the "all adoption is trauma" line of thinking is complete bullshit. I literally watched one of them go off on some ignorant girl at a party once who started spouting off with similar idiocy (one of those "I took one entry-level psychology class in college and now think I'm an expert on everything" types).
I'm not saying that adoption as a process is perfect. It certainly isn't. Every case is different, and adoption trauma definitely exists. But to make a blanket statement that all adoption is trauma, adoption should be abolished, etc, is just so shitty and short-sighted. And a lot of it seems to be people who weren't adopted that are pushing this narrative the most.
I saw some people get extremely angry at some lady who had adopted like 4 children but decided to have a child biologically instead of adopting another. Discourse over what women do or dont do with their own damn bodies has reached such a feverpitch that I more or less avoid anything that I think will even allude to it at all. We cant win as women.
not to mention how it bleeds into judgment on what age women should be having children. Typically there's judgment thrown at anyone less than 27 or over 40. She's too immature/hasn't lived her life/doesn't have enough money, or she's too old/can't keep up/is going to die before her kids are 40.
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Of course there's societal layers, but someone else can do that part.
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it's just such a process
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I'm not saying that adoption as a process is perfect. It certainly isn't. Every case is different, and adoption trauma definitely exists. But to make a blanket statement that all adoption is trauma, adoption should be abolished, etc, is just so shitty and short-sighted. And a lot of it seems to be people who weren't adopted that are pushing this narrative the most.
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not to mention how it bleeds into judgment on what age women should be having children. Typically there's judgment thrown at anyone less than 27 or over 40. She's too immature/hasn't lived her life/doesn't have enough money, or she's too old/can't keep up/is going to die before her kids are 40.
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