I was in that situation too and I feel so much for them. I've never known my older step sibs (or how many they are) but my dad settled down and had a real family when I was around 13-14. They moved by us and it always sucked to see him playing with the kids when we'd walk past. He never said a word to me and I'm probably better off that way, but goddamn if my young adult years were not fucked up from that.
tbh I hope I am wrong but I bet you anything Nick is going to be a shady fuck and respond to this by insta post with his kids or being pap'ed outside with them. I hope Mariah can shield them from it if he does.
(this is going to sound stupid, but until I thought about my response I never really pieced together how often I deliberately walked past the place even though I could have avoided it. And how I would give the kids shitty looks even though it was not their fault. And when we'd drive back I'd hide in the backseat and see if he really did play with the kids or if it was an act for when I walked back. The answer: He did really play with them and I honestly believe he loved them. lol I am so fucked up right now by this revelation. Where sound I send my payment for the ontd psychiatry bill payment to?)
I am so damn sorry that you had to live through that and that you’re having this revelation now. It’s not stupid, it’s a lot to think about and process and you’re doing that in your own time. Idk you, but you sound like an intelligent, thoughtful person - I’m glad he couldn’t take that from you. ♥️
Thank you so much. After the comments I thought some more and I realized I have never talked about him in therapy. I def feel like I have more to unpack and I'm using this as the starting point.
Jezus that is not ok what he did to you. It's insane to think he was a deadbeat dad to you, but a normal dad to kids probably not that much younger than you.
It's ok to grieve and be mad at the father who never did something for you. He's an asshole and you were just a kid.
You know, if I were the mother of the other kids, I'd be incredibly mad at him not spending time with you. You step the fuck up or fuck off
Yeah. idk why but even though she never knew my mom (there were other women around at that time who also had kids and were competitive with each other, but she was much younger than my mom so I don't think she ran with that group) but she seemed competitive. Maybe it was superiority complex since she was the one who got him? Either way, I agree with you. I'd never want to be with a guy, let alone have kids with, who didn't support his children.
I feel and have felt everything you’re describing xx I had a very emotionally and psychically abusive dad but it was all ways directed towards me solely. I figured it was because I was a girl and he was a real misogynist. He loved my brothers so much and had nothing for me but disdain and disinterest. When I was 16 he went and married another woman and he had 2 kids with them both girls. From what my brothers say he’s wonderful with them. It makes me happy they arent going through what I did but it often makes me wonder what was so wrong with me, it mustn’t have been the girl thing. We don’t talk and he doesn’t ask my brothers about me. It’s better emotionally for me that way but it still hurts sometimes. Sorry for the long reply just know you’re not alone ❤️
Oh gosh, I'm so sorry you had to live through that, and I can imagine that it must still hurt to be the only one left out like that. ❤️ But unless he tells you why he hated you so much, you'll never find out - because one thing's for sure: It wasn't your fault and there was nothing wrong with you! You were a child and he a grown-ass man. Maybe he really didn't want a girl until coming to terms with it only much later in life, or maybe your birth was accompanied by trouble in your parents' relationship that no one knows about. Either way, there's only something wrong with him because he took whatever issue out on you & however nice he may treat others now, he'll remain an ass who abused a child. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors, what he does online or how he treats people at work. You don't need that poison in your life & deserve love & respect!
Thank you I appreciate you’re kind words so much ❤️❤️❤️ I’ve had a lot of therapy at this point lol and to be honest at times I’m not mad that I’ve had to build myself up from scratch. I have a clarity of mind from the therapy and a lot of empathy which helps me a lot in life. I guess going through bad things can lead you to having to do work and therefor becoming a more realised version of who you could have been. Thank you so much ❤️ Luckily I have not spoken a word to that man since the day I turned 18 and legally didn’t have to
Thank you so much for the comment. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Not to pry or armchair psychoanalyze this, but maybe you reminded him of your mom and that's why he was like that? My uncle used to dote on my cousin but when he divorced my aunt he has always treated my cousin shitty because she reminded him of her mom. He always uses it in arguments and to cut her down. He goes so far and does so much for his current step-daughters but rarely does anything for my cousin. I only mention this because I've seen it a lot.
Either way, he's a shit bag for how he treated you. I wish you all the happiness in the world.
I'm so sorry. Your father's actions are evil, and I doubt this is comforting, but he'd probably abandon those kids too if something he considered better came along.
My uncle left his wife when she was 6 months pregnant, on bedrest after having a very late-term miscarriage. He signed away all his parental rights and she moved back to the US to be near her parents. A couple years later he had a new wife and has two daughters, who are lovely. They're in their teens now and he's supposedly a good father, but I simply don't believe it.
A man who could abandon his own child once will do it again.
I always wonder how the "new" family can live with the fact that their dad/husband has a whole ass other family he just up and left one day. I'm sure he tells a lot of bullshit about how they're 'different', his ex was crazy etc. But how do you have a secure relationship with someone like that.
I don't either. His daughters are about the age where you Have Realizations about your parents, like mid-teens. I don't know how he could look in his daughter's eyes and tell them what he did, but I also think that he's quite evil, so it's probably easy for him.
Thanks for your kind words. I agree. I do often wonder if he abandoned his wife and kids. I've found men often stray and run when they hit that midlife crises. Granted it would have been a late late life crises if he had one. I think he was much older than my mom.
tbh I hope I am wrong but I bet you anything Nick is going to be a shady fuck and respond to this by insta post with his kids or being pap'ed outside with them. I hope Mariah can shield them from it if he does.
(this is going to sound stupid, but until I thought about my response I never really pieced together how often I deliberately walked past the place even though I could have avoided it. And how I would give the kids shitty looks even though it was not their fault. And when we'd drive back I'd hide in the backseat and see if he really did play with the kids or if it was an act for when I walked back. The answer: He did really play with them and I honestly believe he loved them. lol I am so fucked up right now by this revelation. Where sound I send my payment for the ontd psychiatry bill payment to?)
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It's ok to grieve and be mad at the father who never did something for you. He's an asshole and you were just a kid.
You know, if I were the mother of the other kids, I'd be incredibly mad at him not spending time with you. You step the fuck up or fuck off
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I had a very emotionally and psychically abusive dad but it was all ways directed towards me solely. I figured it was because I was a girl and he was a real misogynist. He loved my brothers so much and had nothing for me but disdain and disinterest. When I was 16 he went and married another woman and he had 2 kids with them both girls. From what my brothers say he’s wonderful with them. It makes me happy they arent going through what I did but it often makes me wonder what was so wrong with me, it mustn’t have been the girl thing.
We don’t talk and he doesn’t ask my brothers about me. It’s better emotionally for me that way but it still hurts sometimes.
Sorry for the long reply just know you’re not alone ❤️
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Oh gosh, I'm so sorry you had to live through that, and I can imagine that it must still hurt to be the only one left out like that. ❤️ But unless he tells you why he hated you so much, you'll never find out - because one thing's for sure: It wasn't your fault and there was nothing wrong with you! You were a child and he a grown-ass man. Maybe he really didn't want a girl until coming to terms with it only much later in life, or maybe your birth was accompanied by trouble in your parents' relationship that no one knows about. Either way, there's only something wrong with him because he took whatever issue out on you & however nice he may treat others now, he'll remain an ass who abused a child. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors, what he does online or how he treats people at work. You don't need that poison in your life & deserve love & respect!
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I’ve had a lot of therapy at this point lol and to be honest at times I’m not mad that I’ve had to build myself up from scratch. I have a clarity of mind from the therapy and a lot of empathy which helps me a lot in life. I guess going through bad things can lead you to having to do work and therefor becoming a more realised version of who you could have been.
Thank you so much ❤️
Luckily I have not spoken a word to that man since the day I turned 18 and legally didn’t have to
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Not to pry or armchair psychoanalyze this, but maybe you reminded him of your mom and that's why he was like that? My uncle used to dote on my cousin but when he divorced my aunt he has always treated my cousin shitty because she reminded him of her mom. He always uses it in arguments and to cut her down. He goes so far and does so much for his current step-daughters but rarely does anything for my cousin. I only mention this because I've seen it a lot.
Either way, he's a shit bag for how he treated you. I wish you all the happiness in the world.
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My uncle left his wife when she was 6 months pregnant, on bedrest after having a very late-term miscarriage. He signed away all his parental rights and she moved back to the US to be near her parents. A couple years later he had a new wife and has two daughters, who are lovely. They're in their teens now and he's supposedly a good father, but I simply don't believe it.
A man who could abandon his own child once will do it again.
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I don't either. His daughters are about the age where you Have Realizations about your parents, like mid-teens. I don't know how he could look in his daughter's eyes and tell them what he did, but I also think that he's quite evil, so it's probably easy for him.
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