The L Word: Generation Q Roundup
Featuring: Season 3x02 promo and a long ass recap of 3x01.
"Los Angeles Traffic," 3x02 Promo
"Bette and Shane break new ground with Tina and Tess. Dani puts hurt feelings aside for Gigi. Sparks fly with Alice’s latest prospect while Angie heals her heartbreak with a new flame. Finley competes for Maribel's favor. Starring Jennifer Beals and Arienne Mandi. Stream new episodes Friday on Showtime."
SOURCE
Last Season on The L Word: Generation Q:
[Spoiler (click to open)]At the end of season 2 we left Alice on a plane with her editor Tom (Donald Faison) where she has found a ring in his pocket. Tess is in bed with a sleeping Shane rubbing her back and then she takes a phone call and says she's on her way. Sophie is dropping Finley off at a rehab facility. Dani is arrested while having drinks with Gigi and her family. And finally, Bette is trying to leave for her opening at the CAC but wait Tina shows up at her door and asks "Can I come in?"
"Last Year," 3x01 Recap
It would probably take less time to watch the show than it would to read the following recap, to be honest.
3x01 begins the same way the previous season final began; with Tina knocking on Bette's door and asking "Can I come in?" Bette says she can, but that she's on her way out. Tina interrupts to say "Are you in love with me?"
They have a whole-ass conversation about how they're both in love with each other and always have been and then Tina's like "Well, why don't you know how to love me?" (I would like to jump in here to say that this is nonsensical because in the first season of Generation Q we learn that Tina left Better about a year previously and that in that time Kit died which is fucking bullshit, Tina didn't go to Kit's funeral, and somehow Tina is already engaged to Carrie. HOW? I know we move fast but fuck.) Tina storms out and then we get an aerial shot of LA and the words ONE YEAR LATER.
Here we meet Alice banging a young person with blue hair and it's weird af and I'm not getting into it.
Next we meet up with Tess who is on the phone in Shane's kitchen discussing an MS fundraiser. We've previously seen Bette cooking at Shane's place, but it's different now, it's lived in. Shane has changed. She has long hair now (I'm thanking Tegan and Sara in a conversation on the Pants podcast for this). You know like they told us she had in season 1 of Gen. Q before they made her repeat the same ol' mistakes and Columbus a poker game. She is talking to Tess's mom (Patty) trying to get her to take pills and Tess does the work of reminding us that her mother was a showgirl in the 80s in Vegas. Patty's nurse Gloria arrives. Tess tries to make out with Shane upstairs in front of her mom and the nurse, but Shane is too modest, so they go downstairs and have sex.
Now we're at Dani's, where she and Gigi are making out. Gigi says she has to go because Beverly is down to one lane and then Dani is like "we should move in together," and Gigi is like "to avoid the commute?" Then Dani gives us a little callback by saying that she has had probably the worst year of her life and Gigi has been there for her and now they're "maybe at the other side." Gigi tells Dani that she has to ask Nat if they can move in together because of the kids. Gigi leaves Dani in bed and Dani's obviously not feeling great about this response. (This scene is odd because they just hammered home the point last season that Gigi was a super open communicator, so how did they make it an entire year before having this conversation? Are they even lesbians? Are the writers?)
Pan to the fictional California University for move-in day. Alice is saying to Shane "These Gen-Zers are like hot. They're smart. They're bi. They don't want the white picket fence. Omg, I was ahead of my time." Shane is typically disinterested in Alice's ongoing monologue (this is the moment that I realized that my wife and Alice have the same haircut). Alice asks what her deal is, Shane says they had a makeup artist bail on the MS Fundraiser Tess is hosting and then Alice says her glam squad would love to do it (I hope she pays overtime!). Angie walks up wearing a Sisterhood is Powerful shirt and asks if her moms are there yet. Alice and Shane give us a bunch of exposition where we find out that Bette and Tina have only been talking when discussing college visits over the last year and then Shane tells Alice not to be weird. Tina shows up and immediately asks Alice if she is being weird. Alice says she is, but that she's working on it. More exposition: Shane's domesticated, Tina can't make the fundraiser, Bette has been...reflecting.
Bette rolls up in her Tesla and she gets rear-ended by a first year. Alice, Tina, and Shane are worried. But Bette takes the kid into her arms and tells her to "hold compassion for yourself and enjoy move-in day." Re-enter Angie who just keeps repeating "mom" because Tina is distracted by Bette's newfound chill. (It's wild that they're all surprised that Bette didn't scream at a literal teenager. I get the callback but it's been nearly two decades.) Responding to Tina's surprise at her chill, Bette's all "we're all gonna die, it's just a bumper" and honestly, I don't think I've ever been more attracted to Jennifer Beals.
Then, unfortunately, we enter the Millennial apartment to Sophie freaking out and pulling stuff out of her closet because Finley is coming home and maybe she doesn't want to share a room because they've been on a break while Finley has been in rehab for an entire year. Sophie finds a ring, Micah says he's going to propose to Maribel. Sophie opens her big trap and tells Finley as soon as she walks in. Next we see Finley and Sophie in a park chatting on a blanket. Finley reads her amends to Sophie and somehow Sophie still doesn't take any responsibility for anything including encouraging Finley to drive drunk and never having a problem with Finley being tanked until that moment.
We're back at CU. Alice and Shane are in Angie's room and they tell her to call them if she needs anything. Angie is left with her moms, who she really wants to leave. They want to take just one photo, she says no, but they offer her money and she's like "okay, bye, please leave." Once Bette and Tina are walking down the hall Tina says "I should ask for my twenty back" and Bette says "I bet she'll call later" and then Angie runs out to the hall saying "Mom!" and they have a family hug. Tina asks Bette if she going to the fundraiser tonight and Bette says she is and asks Tina if she's going. Despite previously telling Shane that she couldn't make it, Tina tells Bette that she is also going. Bette's phone rings and it's Pippa Pascal who is apparently in South Africa because it's The L Word and the Black characters are not long for this world. Vanessa E. Williams is apparently set to return this season, they'd better not fuck it up.
We see the sign for Dana's, a disco ball, and then we see Tess on stage kicking off the fundraiser. Tess says that all proceeds will go to the MS Society, which is near and dear to her heart because her mom has MS (they had also previously mentioned that she has dementia). The first item up for auction is a head-to-toe makeover by "the illustrious glam squad of none other than The Alice Show." Tess gets off the stage and is met by Dani who she tells that they need to make $5000 to break even. Tina is at the bar talking to Shane and Alice about Bette's friendship with Pippa. Tina says that Carrie won't even talk to her, and Alice says "Well, that's..." and then Bette walks up. We never find out what Alice is about to say. Alice and Tina exchange meaningful glances about Bette. Bette turns to Tina and says "It's nice to see you out in the world." Tina responds "Same," and then Alice takes a swig of her drink and pipes up with "Same." It feels like a classic L Word moment, which most of this show does not because they don't seem to understand long-term storytelling, continuity, or demarcations of time.
Outside, Dani and Micah are talking about the ring that Micah bought for Maribel. Dani loves the ring and Micah says that he wanted the proposal to be perfect but now that everyone knows, he just wants to do it before she finds out. Micah asks Dani what she would do and she responds "I don't know, let me ask Nat and get back to you." Micah's like "Oh, you're still hung up on that," and Dani's like fuck yeah I am. Enter Teddy, the person that Alice was sleeping with in the opening scene. They say that they are Alice's plus one and that she told them to say "Penguin Thunderdome." Dani says "Of course she did," and they go inside.
Back inside Maribel asks Sophie where Micah and Finley are. Sophie says Finley is talking to Tess and Shane. Maribel doesn't trust Finley. Sophie defends Finley. It's boring. Who cares? But Maribel sowed a seed of doubt, so Sophie goes looking for Finley.
Finley is in the storage room and Shane and Tess enter. Finley tries to read her amends and they kind of cut her off and say it's fine? But considering Tess is in AA, I feel like they maybe shoulda let her finish? They offer her her job back and Finley asks if they can offer benefits, because she's been trying to get her hands on those. Exit Finley and Tess.
Shane walks peeks her head into the dressing room at Dana's. Ivy (Kehlani) sees her and says "oh no, you can't be back here" and shuts the door in her face.
Back to Bette and Tina who are talking about Tina's show, which has been picked up for season 9. They talk about how it's a lot of people to manage and a lot of big personalities and Bette sarcastically says "Well, it's too bad you don't have any experience managing big personalities." And Tina's like "I guess I like putting out fires"and Bette's like you've always been good at it. And we're back to Alice and her gen-z date and she's yawning because she's old but honestly who wouldn't be bored by someone saying "Yeah, my 'For You' page really thinks I'm a poly pan queer in a long distance relationship, but I guess three out of four isn't bad, right?" Shane pops up and points out to Alice that Bette and Tina are sitting together and smiling. Alice introduces Shane to Teddy who asks Shane what her Venus is in and Shane says "It's deeply personal, Teddy, but thank you anyway." Shane exits, Finley enters. Finley has been venmoing Alice weird small amounts of money to pay her back for rehab, which Alice asks her to stop doing. Alice asks Teddy if they know Finley because they're "like the same age." (I can't tell if Alice is just bad at ages and thinks all "young" people are the same age or if we were supposed to think the new characters are like 25, which I never really did?)
Dani is stoked about the amount of money the benefit has made and just as she's about to go find Tess, Finley tries to talk to her and make amends. Dani makes her boundaries clear because she's working. Finley keeps pushing and eventually Dani yells at Finley, saying "You still think that what I want somehow matters less than what you want. I don't think you're cute and I don't think you're charming. I think you're fucking annoying." And she's right. Tess walks up and asks Finley to walk away. Dani apologizes to Tess and then tells her they've raised $7000. Finley goes outside and Sophie runs after her.
Outside on the curb Finley's being sad because someone whose wedding she interrupted and who she humiliated at that same bar didn't want to talk to her while she was working. Sophie's like "fuck Dani," even though she's a cheating asshole. Finley finally shows some remorse and says that it wasn't the right time to try to make amends with Dani and then Finley asks Sophie if she wants to "do something naughty." (This is my most hated couple on this show. I've never liked Sophie, but I kind of did like Finley. But together? The worst. Justice for Rebecca and for me who is always down for more Olivia Thirlby.)
Back inside Ivy is staring at Shane from across the bar. Ivy says that Shane should have told her she owned the bar and apologizes for yelling at her. Shane apologizes for not telling her and offers her a drink to make up for for it. Ivy asks if she knows Shane from somewhere and then says "come with me" and takes Shane to the dressing room. Ivy shows Shane an old Shane hair product that she says she bought on eBay for too much money. They lose me here because in season 1 they said Shane had a bunch of salons around the world, and then in season 2 we're supposed to believe that Shane's wife took half of her money (even though she's a pop star) and that's why she had to start the poker games, and now the international business is so over that the hair product is a relic? COME ON, WRITERS. Ivy asks Shane to style her, Shane says no, but then she's like "I can give you a few suggestions."
Cut back to Tess telling Bette they're almost ready for her backstage. Tina asks Alice what's going on and Alice says she actually doesn't know.
Now we're back to Shane and Ivy and their intimate hair thing. Lots of mouth closeup, finger shots, long glances. Shane eventually says "You don't really have to do anything" and Ivy says she's going to leave and relieve her babysitter. If this is this season's triangle after Shane left her wife who was Black and wanted kids...
The next item up for auction is Bette's Kiki Smith print. Yes, that Kiki Smith. Tina is freaking out because it's worth so much and they're starting the bidding at $500. Tina tells Alice it was in their old house in West Hollywood. Shane arrives back at the table, Alice gives her a probing look, Shane asks whose drink is on the table, Alice says it's Bette, so Shane drinks it. Tina bids $10,000 and she and Bette look intensely at each other. Bette returns to the table and says "That was completely unnecessary." Tina responds "Well, you said that you would never part with a Kiki Smith." At that moment Alice and Shane nod at each other and get up from the table. Bette tells Tina that she thought maybe it was time to let it go. Tina says that some things are worth keeping and that print reminds her of them and their life and she doesn't want someone else to have a piece of them. (I would like to remind everyone that for the last two seasons we were supposed to believe Bette was an asshole to Carrie except her wife of like 20 years left her and didn't attend her sister's funeral! And don't even get me fucking started on the original series and Tina also cheating and making Bette take her to court for rights to Angie like more than once.) They leave together.
The camera pans to Teddy who's buying a round for people and Alice sighs. Shane asks her if she's feeling something and Alice says that "They (Bette and Tina) have something real and it would be nice." Shane says it's coming for her. (I want to know why we never hear about Tasha when she ended the original series with her and she was hot af. They've given us callbacks to previous characters. I want my Tasha callback.) Alice ends things with Teddy because she's an 8pm kind of person. Even though she complained that her life with Nat was too boring.
Ivy leaves and exchanges sultry goodnights with Shane. Tess takes Shane out to the back alley and says that she wants to take over a space across the alley and make a life with Shane. Shane says Dana's is a whole thing and that they have so much going on. Tess says "I love our life together and I want more of it. I want it all." Shane says she'll think about it.
Now we're at a public basketball court. Inexplicably Finley is wearing high cut baby blue briefs??? Again, I ask, are any of the people working on this show gay? They're playing strip basketball, they make out, Finley gets freaked out and goes to a meeting instead of fucking Sophie.
Angie is talking to Jordi about how she has a huge closet. Jordi breaks up with Angie by saying "it doesn't make a whole lot of sense for us to stay together-together." Angie's like you couldn't have told me this yesterday, which is a valid question, but they're kids, so.
CLOSING:
Finley is at AA and she says that she apologized to some people and some were receptive and some will never forgive her. She says she tried to have sex with her girlfriend and she "choked."
Micah proposes to Maribel and she says she doesn't want to get married but she wants to have a baby.
Alice changes her dating app age range from 25-50 to 41-50.
Tess and Shane are back home and Shane is looking at her old hair products. Finley's voiceover says "I don't know who I am supposed to be anymore." I'm hoping that the new thing Tess wants isn't like WAX 2.0 or something equally horrendous.
Dani gets home to Gigi reading in bed. Dani tells Gigi that Bette asked her to do a gallery job and that Sophie is going to talk to Alice about Dani "doing her 100th episode." She asks Gigi if Nat gave them permission to live together and Gigi just purses her lips.
Voiceover: I know one thing for sure. I'm so happy to fucking be here.
Finley gets into bed with Sophie who gets a "u up?🌈" text from someone named Dre.
ROLL CREDITS.
Alright, everyone (all five of us). What'd you think of the season opener? Who's still watching? Which continuity errors bother you the most?
SOURCE 1, Showtime on YouTubeme and my Crave subscription
"Los Angeles Traffic," 3x02 Promo
Click to view"Bette and Shane break new ground with Tina and Tess. Dani puts hurt feelings aside for Gigi. Sparks fly with Alice’s latest prospect while Angie heals her heartbreak with a new flame. Finley competes for Maribel's favor. Starring Jennifer Beals and Arienne Mandi. Stream new episodes Friday on Showtime."
SOURCE
Last Season on The L Word: Generation Q:
[Spoiler (click to open)]At the end of season 2 we left Alice on a plane with her editor Tom (Donald Faison) where she has found a ring in his pocket. Tess is in bed with a sleeping Shane rubbing her back and then she takes a phone call and says she's on her way. Sophie is dropping Finley off at a rehab facility. Dani is arrested while having drinks with Gigi and her family. And finally, Bette is trying to leave for her opening at the CAC but wait Tina shows up at her door and asks "Can I come in?"
"Last Year," 3x01 Recap
It would probably take less time to watch the show than it would to read the following recap, to be honest.
3x01 begins the same way the previous season final began; with Tina knocking on Bette's door and asking "Can I come in?" Bette says she can, but that she's on her way out. Tina interrupts to say "Are you in love with me?"
They have a whole-ass conversation about how they're both in love with each other and always have been and then Tina's like "Well, why don't you know how to love me?" (I would like to jump in here to say that this is nonsensical because in the first season of Generation Q we learn that Tina left Better about a year previously and that in that time Kit died which is fucking bullshit, Tina didn't go to Kit's funeral, and somehow Tina is already engaged to Carrie. HOW? I know we move fast but fuck.) Tina storms out and then we get an aerial shot of LA and the words ONE YEAR LATER.
Here we meet Alice banging a young person with blue hair and it's weird af and I'm not getting into it.
Next we meet up with Tess who is on the phone in Shane's kitchen discussing an MS fundraiser. We've previously seen Bette cooking at Shane's place, but it's different now, it's lived in. Shane has changed. She has long hair now (I'm thanking Tegan and Sara in a conversation on the Pants podcast for this). You know like they told us she had in season 1 of Gen. Q before they made her repeat the same ol' mistakes and Columbus a poker game. She is talking to Tess's mom (Patty) trying to get her to take pills and Tess does the work of reminding us that her mother was a showgirl in the 80s in Vegas. Patty's nurse Gloria arrives. Tess tries to make out with Shane upstairs in front of her mom and the nurse, but Shane is too modest, so they go downstairs and have sex.
Now we're at Dani's, where she and Gigi are making out. Gigi says she has to go because Beverly is down to one lane and then Dani is like "we should move in together," and Gigi is like "to avoid the commute?" Then Dani gives us a little callback by saying that she has had probably the worst year of her life and Gigi has been there for her and now they're "maybe at the other side." Gigi tells Dani that she has to ask Nat if they can move in together because of the kids. Gigi leaves Dani in bed and Dani's obviously not feeling great about this response. (This scene is odd because they just hammered home the point last season that Gigi was a super open communicator, so how did they make it an entire year before having this conversation? Are they even lesbians? Are the writers?)
Pan to the fictional California University for move-in day. Alice is saying to Shane "These Gen-Zers are like hot. They're smart. They're bi. They don't want the white picket fence. Omg, I was ahead of my time." Shane is typically disinterested in Alice's ongoing monologue (this is the moment that I realized that my wife and Alice have the same haircut). Alice asks what her deal is, Shane says they had a makeup artist bail on the MS Fundraiser Tess is hosting and then Alice says her glam squad would love to do it (I hope she pays overtime!). Angie walks up wearing a Sisterhood is Powerful shirt and asks if her moms are there yet. Alice and Shane give us a bunch of exposition where we find out that Bette and Tina have only been talking when discussing college visits over the last year and then Shane tells Alice not to be weird. Tina shows up and immediately asks Alice if she is being weird. Alice says she is, but that she's working on it. More exposition: Shane's domesticated, Tina can't make the fundraiser, Bette has been...reflecting.
Bette rolls up in her Tesla and she gets rear-ended by a first year. Alice, Tina, and Shane are worried. But Bette takes the kid into her arms and tells her to "hold compassion for yourself and enjoy move-in day." Re-enter Angie who just keeps repeating "mom" because Tina is distracted by Bette's newfound chill. (It's wild that they're all surprised that Bette didn't scream at a literal teenager. I get the callback but it's been nearly two decades.) Responding to Tina's surprise at her chill, Bette's all "we're all gonna die, it's just a bumper" and honestly, I don't think I've ever been more attracted to Jennifer Beals.
Then, unfortunately, we enter the Millennial apartment to Sophie freaking out and pulling stuff out of her closet because Finley is coming home and maybe she doesn't want to share a room because they've been on a break while Finley has been in rehab for an entire year. Sophie finds a ring, Micah says he's going to propose to Maribel. Sophie opens her big trap and tells Finley as soon as she walks in. Next we see Finley and Sophie in a park chatting on a blanket. Finley reads her amends to Sophie and somehow Sophie still doesn't take any responsibility for anything including encouraging Finley to drive drunk and never having a problem with Finley being tanked until that moment.
We're back at CU. Alice and Shane are in Angie's room and they tell her to call them if she needs anything. Angie is left with her moms, who she really wants to leave. They want to take just one photo, she says no, but they offer her money and she's like "okay, bye, please leave." Once Bette and Tina are walking down the hall Tina says "I should ask for my twenty back" and Bette says "I bet she'll call later" and then Angie runs out to the hall saying "Mom!" and they have a family hug. Tina asks Bette if she going to the fundraiser tonight and Bette says she is and asks Tina if she's going. Despite previously telling Shane that she couldn't make it, Tina tells Bette that she is also going. Bette's phone rings and it's Pippa Pascal who is apparently in South Africa because it's The L Word and the Black characters are not long for this world. Vanessa E. Williams is apparently set to return this season, they'd better not fuck it up.
We see the sign for Dana's, a disco ball, and then we see Tess on stage kicking off the fundraiser. Tess says that all proceeds will go to the MS Society, which is near and dear to her heart because her mom has MS (they had also previously mentioned that she has dementia). The first item up for auction is a head-to-toe makeover by "the illustrious glam squad of none other than The Alice Show." Tess gets off the stage and is met by Dani who she tells that they need to make $5000 to break even. Tina is at the bar talking to Shane and Alice about Bette's friendship with Pippa. Tina says that Carrie won't even talk to her, and Alice says "Well, that's..." and then Bette walks up. We never find out what Alice is about to say. Alice and Tina exchange meaningful glances about Bette. Bette turns to Tina and says "It's nice to see you out in the world." Tina responds "Same," and then Alice takes a swig of her drink and pipes up with "Same." It feels like a classic L Word moment, which most of this show does not because they don't seem to understand long-term storytelling, continuity, or demarcations of time.
Outside, Dani and Micah are talking about the ring that Micah bought for Maribel. Dani loves the ring and Micah says that he wanted the proposal to be perfect but now that everyone knows, he just wants to do it before she finds out. Micah asks Dani what she would do and she responds "I don't know, let me ask Nat and get back to you." Micah's like "Oh, you're still hung up on that," and Dani's like fuck yeah I am. Enter Teddy, the person that Alice was sleeping with in the opening scene. They say that they are Alice's plus one and that she told them to say "Penguin Thunderdome." Dani says "Of course she did," and they go inside.
Back inside Maribel asks Sophie where Micah and Finley are. Sophie says Finley is talking to Tess and Shane. Maribel doesn't trust Finley. Sophie defends Finley. It's boring. Who cares? But Maribel sowed a seed of doubt, so Sophie goes looking for Finley.
Finley is in the storage room and Shane and Tess enter. Finley tries to read her amends and they kind of cut her off and say it's fine? But considering Tess is in AA, I feel like they maybe shoulda let her finish? They offer her her job back and Finley asks if they can offer benefits, because she's been trying to get her hands on those. Exit Finley and Tess.
Shane walks peeks her head into the dressing room at Dana's. Ivy (Kehlani) sees her and says "oh no, you can't be back here" and shuts the door in her face.
Back to Bette and Tina who are talking about Tina's show, which has been picked up for season 9. They talk about how it's a lot of people to manage and a lot of big personalities and Bette sarcastically says "Well, it's too bad you don't have any experience managing big personalities." And Tina's like "I guess I like putting out fires"and Bette's like you've always been good at it. And we're back to Alice and her gen-z date and she's yawning because she's old but honestly who wouldn't be bored by someone saying "Yeah, my 'For You' page really thinks I'm a poly pan queer in a long distance relationship, but I guess three out of four isn't bad, right?" Shane pops up and points out to Alice that Bette and Tina are sitting together and smiling. Alice introduces Shane to Teddy who asks Shane what her Venus is in and Shane says "It's deeply personal, Teddy, but thank you anyway." Shane exits, Finley enters. Finley has been venmoing Alice weird small amounts of money to pay her back for rehab, which Alice asks her to stop doing. Alice asks Teddy if they know Finley because they're "like the same age." (I can't tell if Alice is just bad at ages and thinks all "young" people are the same age or if we were supposed to think the new characters are like 25, which I never really did?)
Dani is stoked about the amount of money the benefit has made and just as she's about to go find Tess, Finley tries to talk to her and make amends. Dani makes her boundaries clear because she's working. Finley keeps pushing and eventually Dani yells at Finley, saying "You still think that what I want somehow matters less than what you want. I don't think you're cute and I don't think you're charming. I think you're fucking annoying." And she's right. Tess walks up and asks Finley to walk away. Dani apologizes to Tess and then tells her they've raised $7000. Finley goes outside and Sophie runs after her.
Outside on the curb Finley's being sad because someone whose wedding she interrupted and who she humiliated at that same bar didn't want to talk to her while she was working. Sophie's like "fuck Dani," even though she's a cheating asshole. Finley finally shows some remorse and says that it wasn't the right time to try to make amends with Dani and then Finley asks Sophie if she wants to "do something naughty." (This is my most hated couple on this show. I've never liked Sophie, but I kind of did like Finley. But together? The worst. Justice for Rebecca and for me who is always down for more Olivia Thirlby.)
Back inside Ivy is staring at Shane from across the bar. Ivy says that Shane should have told her she owned the bar and apologizes for yelling at her. Shane apologizes for not telling her and offers her a drink to make up for for it. Ivy asks if she knows Shane from somewhere and then says "come with me" and takes Shane to the dressing room. Ivy shows Shane an old Shane hair product that she says she bought on eBay for too much money. They lose me here because in season 1 they said Shane had a bunch of salons around the world, and then in season 2 we're supposed to believe that Shane's wife took half of her money (even though she's a pop star) and that's why she had to start the poker games, and now the international business is so over that the hair product is a relic? COME ON, WRITERS. Ivy asks Shane to style her, Shane says no, but then she's like "I can give you a few suggestions."
Cut back to Tess telling Bette they're almost ready for her backstage. Tina asks Alice what's going on and Alice says she actually doesn't know.
Now we're back to Shane and Ivy and their intimate hair thing. Lots of mouth closeup, finger shots, long glances. Shane eventually says "You don't really have to do anything" and Ivy says she's going to leave and relieve her babysitter. If this is this season's triangle after Shane left her wife who was Black and wanted kids...
The next item up for auction is Bette's Kiki Smith print. Yes, that Kiki Smith. Tina is freaking out because it's worth so much and they're starting the bidding at $500. Tina tells Alice it was in their old house in West Hollywood. Shane arrives back at the table, Alice gives her a probing look, Shane asks whose drink is on the table, Alice says it's Bette, so Shane drinks it. Tina bids $10,000 and she and Bette look intensely at each other. Bette returns to the table and says "That was completely unnecessary." Tina responds "Well, you said that you would never part with a Kiki Smith." At that moment Alice and Shane nod at each other and get up from the table. Bette tells Tina that she thought maybe it was time to let it go. Tina says that some things are worth keeping and that print reminds her of them and their life and she doesn't want someone else to have a piece of them. (I would like to remind everyone that for the last two seasons we were supposed to believe Bette was an asshole to Carrie except her wife of like 20 years left her and didn't attend her sister's funeral! And don't even get me fucking started on the original series and Tina also cheating and making Bette take her to court for rights to Angie like more than once.) They leave together.
The camera pans to Teddy who's buying a round for people and Alice sighs. Shane asks her if she's feeling something and Alice says that "They (Bette and Tina) have something real and it would be nice." Shane says it's coming for her. (I want to know why we never hear about Tasha when she ended the original series with her and she was hot af. They've given us callbacks to previous characters. I want my Tasha callback.) Alice ends things with Teddy because she's an 8pm kind of person. Even though she complained that her life with Nat was too boring.
Ivy leaves and exchanges sultry goodnights with Shane. Tess takes Shane out to the back alley and says that she wants to take over a space across the alley and make a life with Shane. Shane says Dana's is a whole thing and that they have so much going on. Tess says "I love our life together and I want more of it. I want it all." Shane says she'll think about it.
Now we're at a public basketball court. Inexplicably Finley is wearing high cut baby blue briefs??? Again, I ask, are any of the people working on this show gay? They're playing strip basketball, they make out, Finley gets freaked out and goes to a meeting instead of fucking Sophie.
Angie is talking to Jordi about how she has a huge closet. Jordi breaks up with Angie by saying "it doesn't make a whole lot of sense for us to stay together-together." Angie's like you couldn't have told me this yesterday, which is a valid question, but they're kids, so.
CLOSING:
Finley is at AA and she says that she apologized to some people and some were receptive and some will never forgive her. She says she tried to have sex with her girlfriend and she "choked."
Micah proposes to Maribel and she says she doesn't want to get married but she wants to have a baby.
Alice changes her dating app age range from 25-50 to 41-50.
Tess and Shane are back home and Shane is looking at her old hair products. Finley's voiceover says "I don't know who I am supposed to be anymore." I'm hoping that the new thing Tess wants isn't like WAX 2.0 or something equally horrendous.
Dani gets home to Gigi reading in bed. Dani tells Gigi that Bette asked her to do a gallery job and that Sophie is going to talk to Alice about Dani "doing her 100th episode." She asks Gigi if Nat gave them permission to live together and Gigi just purses her lips.
Voiceover: I know one thing for sure. I'm so happy to fucking be here.
Finley gets into bed with Sophie who gets a "u up?🌈" text from someone named Dre.
ROLL CREDITS.
Alright, everyone (all five of us). What'd you think of the season opener? Who's still watching? Which continuity errors bother you the most?
SOURCE 1, Showtime on YouTubeme and my Crave subscription