ontd original: (re)-watching the long-maligned 2015 Version of "Fantastic Four"
'Change is coming'....Well, they weren't wrong.
It's been a while since I did one of these. I wanted to do it on the 4th, but the 9th of July was the third best date. Somehow, this is on Amazon Prime Video and has an average of 4 stars in rating.
This was also the single greater theatergoing experience of my life when I saw it in 2015, and I tried to recreate that for this post -
- I look around to see if I can watch a DragonBall Z movie instead, but give up and watch this.
- I watch the trailers for Deadpool and The Force Awakens, before bitterly thinking how badly the Sequel Trilogy went.
'Why are we doing this tonight?' Same.
Miles Teller as Reed Richards / Mr. Fantastic - Jaime Bell as Ben Grimm / The Thing
Teller allegedly almost came to blows with Trank on set...team Trank. Ben's strife is not particularly ....engaging? Besides being a morality pet for Reed. I think this ieteration of the character is missing something (like a personality), because I think with better character, Bell would have been pretty good. He's one of many people working with what he's given here.
You're gonna be squinting a lot at these screenshots, who can even see this.
Kate Mara as Sue Storm / The Invisible Woman - Reg E. Cathey as Dr. Storm
Sue has slightly more impact than Ben, with maybe one quip that's part of a running gag I remembered before rewatching. ("It's a miracle you didn't take out the entire Eastern Seaboard" Yeah who does he think he is, Sonic The Hedgehog?). The most memorable thing is the allegedly bad wig she rocks upon reshoots but I admit, if I hadn't been told, I wouldn't have known.
idk, this is what we're complaining about??? I've seen worse, and you have too!
Cathey is always great, there's a B C D plot about him encouraging Johnny to stop being so heuristic and contribute toward the greater good, which is.../shrug in this movie.
Oh yeah, I legit forgot to mention - Sue is adopted. Trank wanted the entire Storm family to be black, but Fox didn't. Thought it was kind of common knowledge, but no one wants to know this movie!
We have no choice but to stan.
Michael B Jordan as Johnny Storm / The Human Torch - Toby Kebbell as Victor Von Doom / Doctor Doom
I initially wanted to watch this to support MBJ as Johnny Storm and his previous work with Trank ("Chronicle" is amazing); Even here, the somewhat grim (ha) mood dampens his Johnny. There's an easy connection in his interactions with the other characters that make the movie more enjoyable, though to be fair, that's usually with Reed and Sue, as he openly shittalks The Thing (not Ben, who he barely meets) and Victor.
This is the first time I've heard of this man watching this movie and, well, he was my absolute favorite, playing this asshole hacker who doesn't want to be here and somehow ends up ruling a planet with a population of 1. Fun fact, you can actually see where they dubbed "Von Doom" over the original dialoge of "Domashev".
I was in the theater like "Is the bad guy supposed to be cute? What point are they trying to make here?"
Heh I remember going "Aw I liked him, I hope this doesn't ruin his career." and someone told me "He's white, he'll be fine."
*narrator voice* reader, it was not fine. But I was introduced to the rest of his work, which is 99% better than this, and we stan.
The only person who didn't see their career flame out was MBJ himself, as "Creed" was a critical and commercial success 3 months later, and then onto "Black Panther"!
So everyone gets their powers by, uh, getting drunk and going to the other dimension, where Doom falls into some random sludge and the other three guys escape, as Sue - Who doesn't get to go on the cool field trip - is back at headquarters, bringing them home.
Then it's the typical F4 stuff - Space Radiation or whatever gives them their customary powers. The military uses Ben, Sue, and Johnny as labrats/missionaries, and when they find Reed again after a one year time skip, he helps them open the portal again...and they find Doom is still alive, but he looks...different.
I can't put my finger on it.
When we finally see the good Doctor, I remember someone in the audience shouting "what the fuck" in disbelief. As I am watching this alone, I shout it myself.
It's uh...
Why did we let this get to the final print.
You would have done better pixellating him like a Minecraft character instead of this.
When Doom goes on a rampage through the hallway, that same audience member shouted "OH SHIT", which, again, I recreated for authenticity. While tonally jarring (as in, we went from 'boring' to 'oh something happened finally shit'), it's badass.
Now we move onto the saddest final (only) battle in a superhero movie, where people stand in a grey, dark environment and fire attacks at the enemy like they're in an RPG, complete with stock dialogue.
However, I did forget the absolute cringiness of "There is no Victor....there is only Doom." Oooof. I give a look that's a cross between 😑😕☹😳. Can't justify that one, babe.
We're gonna get some use out of this.
They finally defeat Doom in the Negative Zone - Planet Zero - Something, by slamming him into Light Beam In The Sky, but he doesn't die until Johnny busts a hole through an unrelated rock and they wait for him to disentegrate before escaping through a space anus in the sky.
They return to earth, tell the government to fuck off, and make their first stand as....well, they never actually say 'The Fantastic Four' in the film. But we're done, and that's all the fantastic we need.
There are positives!
I don't think the CGI looks all that bad for something that was rushed and considered a lost cause by the studio...except for 3 parts, one of which you can probably guess.
The most interesting part of this to me was the second half. I outright forgot that Reed goes on the run, and Ben, Johnny, and Sue are like government lab rat agents, with Ben spent on special missions sent to terrorize people in the name of the United States - oh, and also find Reed.
Now, I'm not deeply integrated into the MCU, but seeing this go in the opposite direction - spoiler, they don't like being controlled by the government and break free of their influence at the end - say what you will, but F4ntastic outright saying "We don't fuck with ya'll" while the MCU proper works closely with the US Government...I like that. Even in the first half, a solid 60% of Victor's dialouge is him shittalking the US government to their face. It's great.
I'm not claiming it's a giant leap forward for Anti-Americanism Art or anything, but it is refreshing.
The other two ugly CGI shots are that odd looking monkey they use for the initial test flight, and when the footage is shown of The Thing throwing a tank and it explodes...into nothing.
When it gets creepy and horrifying, I think it's a great movie. It's honestly really cool. The transformation sequence in particular, which, oddly, isn't on Youtube.
I'm not saying we need to start revisionist history about this movie - I myself had to deeply sigh and close the window every so often - because where it isn't bad, it's boring, dim, and dull. I'm no F4 expert, but doesn't making them this young go somewhat against the general novelty of the F4? 3 established adults and one young adult in Johnny instead of a bunch of kids with too much power and bad decisions.
But there were good ideas that didn't have the time to breathe because the movie was hellbent on simply existing, not entertaining, to keep the rights with Fox, a move that ultimately proved fruitless.
Here's hoping Feige will announce something better with The Fantastic Four this SDCC, later this month.
src
Marvel, various meme generators, vid link, me paying 8.50$ almost 10 years ago.