ONTD Half-Original: 5 Uncomfortable Movie Costumes and Their Much More Comfortable Relatives

[blorpz]

I pulled 5 (out of 15) costumes from this Cracked list of 15 Iconic Movie Costumes (That Were A Huge Pain In The Butt) and thought of 5 similar movie costumes (either from the same movie or actor) and compare them below! So, here are 5 really uncomfy (mostly superhero) movie outfits and their much more comfy relatives:

Uncomfortable Outfit 1: Oscar Isaac as Apocalypse

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• Film: X-Men: Apocalypse
• Why was it uncomfortable: The suit weighed over forty pounds and was so hot that Oscar Isaac-Blorpz had to go into a cooling tent between takes.

Its more comfortable relative: Oscar Isaac as Poe Dameron

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• Films: Star Wars Episodes 7-9
• Why it is more comfortable: It's cargo pants, a linen shirt, and a really cute jacket. It let Oscar breathe and looked so good that it made me want to pull a Holdo maneuver in the theatre. Though, if you ask me, it was simple enough that costume department had extra time to sew a camera into the driver's seat of the Millennium Falcon. Give the audience some action shots Poe "spice running" to the viewer's face. Could have saved the flick, J.J.!

Uncomfortable Outfit 2: Malin Akerman as Silk Spectre

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• Film: Watchmen
• Why it was uncomfortable: The costume was super tight. Partially because of the corset, but also because it was all latex which was "like putting a condom over your whole body"!

Its more comfortable relative: Patrick Wilson as Nite Owl

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• Film: Watchmen
• Why it is more comfortable: In at least one scene of the movie, Patrick didn't even have to put the costume on! I don't know anything about the Nite Owl costume, but that must have been an easy day on set. And even if the costume itself was difficult, I doubt it feels like a "condom over your whole body", which (unrelated to this conversation) is what I'd wear in order to have a night of passion with Patrick Wilson. I'd even go up to the counter at Rite-Aid to see if they still sell dental dams if he'd let my tongue play a hole demonologist in his conjuring if you know what I mean (this is a beautiful, dense metaphor, if you don't understand, let me know).

Uncomfortable Outfit 3: The Wayans Brothers as White Chicks

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• Movie: White Chicks
• Why it was uncomfortable: This stunning and shockingly realistic transformation took at least five hours a day! And had to be retouched if they ate or drank. What a mess!

Its more comfortable relative: Henry Cavill in real life

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• Movie: He's in movies, I'm pretty sure.
• Why it is more comfortable: Two of my favorie white chicks are the rotund whooper swans that Henry Cavill gets to carry around wherever he goes. Sure, it must be harder to shop for pants, but it balances out with the dump truck discount the Gap gives him.
• [Full disclosure: friends, I needed a fifth thing for this post. Maybe the DC fan(s) can support me at least.]

Uncomfortable Outfit 4: Paul Something as Vision

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• Movie: Trash Can's Avengers: Age of Ultron
• Why it was uncomfortable: Took a lot of time to get into and it made the actor have a hard time hearing (but he was still able to text J**** D*pp). Made the character a little boring, too, if you ask me.

Its more comfortable relative: Aaron Johnson as Quicksilver

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• Movie: The same movie!
• Why it is more comfortable: Some actors are so lucky that they get to show up to work, slap on a white wig, ignore texts from their potentially predatory wife, grab mis-matched Under Armour from Chris Hemsworth's dirty clothes pile, and then finish the look with discount New Balances. Between us fam, sometimes when I can't sleep, I think of Aaron struggling to pull up his pants past his "Maximoff twins" (which is weird because they have an elastic wasteband). Then, in the fantasay, he asks his assistant and human blanket, Blorpz, to help him. Then they're somehow locked in his trailer but nobody notices because they already filmed his death scene. They both lost their voices, too, so they must smack lips together to create noise in order to call for help (their phones are at the cleaners). Etc. and more.

Uncomfortable Outfit 5: Chadwick Boseman (RIP) as Black Panther

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• Movie: Captain America: Civil War
• Why it was uncomfortable: It was so hot that it was the most uncomfortable costume to wear in the film. "It’s hot. It’s blazing hot. Listen, it’s so hot. I’ve never been that hot before in my life, seriously" said Boseman. He also found the mask to be suffocating at first.

Its more comfortable relative: Winston Duke as Lord M'Baku

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• Movie: Black Panther
• Why it is more comfortable: It's hot but in a different way because he's not wearing pants while providing the world with the only acceptable case of manspreading. Also, Chadwick had a hard time breathing in his costume, kinda like me being suffocated between Winston's thighs (why am I down there in the first place? I have some ideas, but sound off in the comments!). Release me, sir! Also, I know this wasn't the point of "Us" but could you imagine two Winston Dukes in the world? And in the world, one of them wears glasses and both of them are good at kissing? Maybe this will be the plot of Us 2: Bussy (stylized as bUS2y).

Source: 1 2 3 and my own memory

ONTD: Have you ever rimmed a superhero?