How to Enjoy St. Patrick's Day and Bret Michaels's Birthday at the Same Time
Stop and read this: It may be the most important ONTD Original of your life.
As we know, March 17th is St. Patrick's Day. It celebrates that day that some guy named Patrick did something.
However, March 15th is the day that the good lord gave us Bret Michaels. Tragically, this man's day of birth is oft overlooked in favor of some stupid saint.
Worry not! I have devised some simple yet brilliant tricks so that you can celebrate both days at the same time.
Leprechaun Hat Instead Of A Cowboy Hat
Now, Bret usually graces the world with a cowboy hat perched atop his golden dome. However, you can make a bit of wiggle room as you dress up like Bret for his birthday but swap a cowboy hat for a leprechaun hat.
Leprechaun Hat On Top Of A Cowboy Hat
If you cannot bring yourself to disgrace the image of Bret Michaels by doffing his cowboy hat and replacing it, you can simply stack a leprechaun hat on top of it.
Pot of Gold(en) Extensions
Instead of decorating with a pot filled with fake gold, fill one with golden hair extensions. Every time you look at it, you will be reminded of Bret Michaels, and that is even better than real gold!
Green Bandanas
Just because Bret favors red and black bandanas doesn’t mean you have to! You can blend his love of decorative headwear with St. Patty’s Day by sporting a festive green bandana.
Use Irish Instruments To Play Poison Songs
Know what would make the dulcet tones of Poison even better? Playing them on Irish folk instruments! Grab a fiddle and strike up "Nothin' But A Good Time." Pick up a flute and allow the strains of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" to float across the moor. Just imagine how good "I Want Action" would sound on a concertina! Or the "Rock of Love" theme song played on a lute.
Cast A New Season of "Rock of Love" With Irish Lassies
Picture it now: The doors of a green tour bus slowly open. Out stumble a line of intoxicated women named Kelly, Molly, Erin,Eileen, and Aioiffhnnghn.
Most have red hair. All have red pubes. Some wear sexy leprechaun costumes, complete with beard. Others have shamrock nipple pasties. One woman sexily smokes a corn cob pipe. Whose pot of gold will be at the end of Bret's rainbow?
Drink A Bret's Bailey's-And-Beer
You can finish off the celebration with a cocktail of my own invention that celebrates both Bret Michaels and the Emerald Isle.:
- In a green pitcher, pour one bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream
- Add as many bottles of Guinness or Bret's Brews as you can fit
- Freeze some diced cabbage inside ice cubes, then add to pitcher
- Dye with green food coloring
- Garnish with a slice of dry corned beef that resembles Bret's leathery skin
Poll
source: a leprechaun who came to me in my sleep to give me this idea