Ugh this is probably me. It wasn’t until I dated someone who frequently threw fits in public that I was like... you know what, I’m going to get mad if I need to, too!
always. I'm like that john mulaney bit about people pouring soup into his lap and he'd apologise to them.
luckily i have a friend that is willing to kick my ass and stand up for me when she knows I'm just being too polite but really want to say no. and then she'll say no on my behalf lol
My parents are mouthy shit disturbers and raised me to be one too. My mom was 26 and heavily pregnant with me, leading a large labour union, getting death threats and just shrugged it all off. She once got thrown out of a houseleague soccer club meeting because a man talked down to her and she got riotous.
My wife however is very much like that. It's taken her more than a decade of my family and I 're-training' her to really feel like she could say how she feels.
Honestly this is me so bad. My mother was always SO concerned about what other ppl thought (bc of her mother, and bc of HER mother) that I wasn't able to speak my mind in public until I was like 30. A combination of my anxiety and her attitude (watching me and mouthing words to me while standing behind the ppl I was talking to--like wtf, in hindsight) has left me almost incapable of being emotionally honest with others or talking to men, in particular--she would always make fun of me for having male friends or having convos with boys and over the years it has literally left me unable to talk to men and still fucking single at 36. Yikes
I relate to this SO STRONGLY. Even though my mom would actually cause scenes and be rude to people all the time, I was raised to "not start wars" or "make enemies", no matter how awful I was treated. I'm 35, and have never had a romantic relationship because I'm terrified of men, and struggle too much with boundaries.
OMG gurl I'm so sorry you had to go thru all that. It really is an awakening once you realize all these rules are not real and you can say and do what you please! I'm still struggling with it. It doesn't help that both my parents are still the mousy, polite, painfully nice Canadians that they are. I am very politically motivated and I can't even express my rage and opinions to them. It's stifling. And I still struggle so much with relationships. I don't feel entitled to the feelings I have, or to demonstrating them to people. I'm afraid to be intimate (any way other than sex, which is easy) and I don't let anyone in. It's def something I need to go to therapy for but like...there's a lot I need to go to therapy for, lol. Thanks for letting me know, it def makes me feel seen. I hope you can break free from it
( ... )
Reply
(Except I behave myself more than he did)
Reply
luckily i have a friend that is willing to kick my ass and stand up for me when she knows I'm just being too polite but really want to say no. and then she'll say no on my behalf lol
Reply
My wife however is very much like that. It's taken her more than a decade of my family and I 're-training' her to really feel like she could say how she feels.
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
And I still struggle so much with relationships. I don't feel entitled to the feelings I have, or to demonstrating them to people. I'm afraid to be intimate (any way other than sex, which is easy) and I don't let anyone in. It's def something I need to go to therapy for but like...there's a lot I need to go to therapy for, lol. Thanks for letting me know, it def makes me feel seen. I hope you can break free from it
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment