Revisiting One Hit Wonder Reality Television: I Wanna Marry "Harry" Episode 2 (ONTD Original)

[beysactingcoach]

Click to view

Hello, OP and her last shred of dignity are back to continue the ONTD Original Series that no one asked for, but felt obligated to bestow on you anyway. Today we continue the discourse in the one season reality show dud, I Wanna Marry "Harry", recapping the second episode.

Quick premise: Some dude who looks like Prince Harry if you had some Hennessy and squinted your eyes, is trying to convince twelve American ladies that's he's His Royal Heir Colonialist Harreh. But the real him wants to find real love in this sea of bronzer and JustFab platform shoes?


CONTESTANTS
Leah - clearly supposed to be a quirky, alternative girls
White Meghan - clearly our snobby villain, who would be a good Real Housewife
Chelsea - we got a sistah
Anna Lisa - who OP kept calling Mona Lisa, she's Miss Los Angeles
Rose - describes herself as a preschool teacher with a naughty side
Kimberly - Bronx accent, so OP thinks she knows the Mob Wives. Has she made an appearance on Mob Wives?
Andrea
Jacquline
Carley
Maggie
Karina
Kelley

Where did we leave off? Thorny Horny Rose is gloating that she got to sleep in the Crown Suite, next to his room not the same room. OP doesn't think they did any hanky panky. Hoax Harry comes into her room to have a super basic breakfast of poached eggs and hollandaise sauce, it's not even real eggs Benedict. No morning tea either. The ghetto. But their time together isn't over as they get flewed out on a helicopter to the Isle of Wright to have some lunch on the beach while the ten losers don some bikini and hang out by the pool.


Fake Ass Harry is like "yes I'm putting on a ruse and trying to convince them I'm someone else, but these heffas should love me for me. XOXO, Gossip Girl." But then Fake Ass Harry let it slip on his dat with Rose that "being on a date with a royal..." blah blah blah. This lunch on the beach is once again basic like last week's Masquerade Ball, I mean any grifter can get you a beach date some Little Ceaser's, a couple of oysters and some AirBnB coupons. But I mean they have castles, Range Rovers, helicopters, fake security - so most of the budget was blown on that. The two engage in some very idealized "cheeky banter" that Americans think how British people converse. To be honest, I'm 100% sure that Rose has some Hey Arnold type shrine to Colin Firth and this guy will do.

The two then change into some swimwear and get into this swamp water, so understandably Rose is in a bikini. This dickwad says in the VO her flirting on the date in a bikini isn't royal behavior. Yuck, dude.

Okay their basic budget is over. Now we're back to the girls, who are still trying to determine who his man really is, but they just know he's just gotta be some important person. Like a Head Colonizer, Middle Manager Colonizer, Entry Level Colonizer.

Fake Ass Harry pulls Kimberly away for a bit of private time... but wait! Security! Security! The fleet of Rovers and some random Tesco's workers who is here as a part time gig swoop in during the one-on-one and rush Fake Harry away. The ladies wonder what is happening, but are convinced he's hella important and hella royal. Sorry to break it to you ladies, but he's Matt with some entry level job borrowing his friend's bike to go to work -- he's environmentally friendly.

We don't get a follow up for the Royal Emergency, but Chief Jeeves comes in to announce the next challenge: Rose gets to pick the teams who will play cricket with Harreh and make tea and sandwiches for the cricket game. These white women are not happy being the help. There are some forgettable one on ones with Jacqueline and Karina. He's such a dud, so the interactions with the women are the ones to watch.

Crown Suite time - a formal sit down dinner. They are presented with standard fancy food like escargot and oysters and some of these are reacting to it like they're on fucking Fear Factor. The ladies converse with Pretend Prince and then Chief Jeeves interrupts because it's time to ask Matt who he vibing with. Two on the chopping block - New Yawker Kimberly and Southern Pageant Girl Andrea. Some of the ladies are upset since they like both women and understand that one is going home.

After the Crown Suite decision, we cut back to the other losers. White Meghan pitches a fit with Wine Mom Maggie so Jacqueline who is also sauced later busts in her room to defend her drinking buddy and refers to White Meghan and Anna (Mona) Lisa as 'mean girls' to which White Meghan responds the greatest response in the history of responses.

"DON'T CALL ME A MEAN GIRL, BITCH!"
And that's what you missed on Glee.

Who's getting the boot from Buckingham Palace?
[Spoiler (click to open)]Andrea

Who gets to kick it at the UK La Quinta?
[Spoiler (click to open)]Kimberly who was giving some Nikki Blonsky at the Best Western teas. Sis it's just an armoire with a robe and some Pier 1 teacups.

To view episode 1's post and episode one, click here
Sources 1 2