ONTD Original: Is he cute or just tall?
Unimount Pictures Presents:
Cute or Tall (Part 1)
If this has been done before, you’ll have to forgive me. The idea belongs to therearewords. I executed it mediocre-ly. Here’s my best attempt at levity: a list of men who could be handsome, but are probably just tall. Remember, the taller you are, the less dense the air. Air density has an inverse correlation with perceived handsomeness (Crowdedstreets et al. 2020).
Figure 1
Conclusion: It’s science. The taller you are, the higher your face, the lower the air density, the higher the degree of perceived handsomeness.
Nicholas Hoult
. @LaineyGossip was a big fan of Nicholas Hoult in this Tom Ford suit! Thoughts? pic.twitter.com/zqagbMhaVX
- The Social (@TheSocialCTV) September 8, 2015
Height: 6’2”
Verdict: Tall, not handsome
Why he’s appealing: I… I don’t even know. He looks like someone over-inflated Jim Parsons. But he’s British, so….
Armie Hammer
Armie Hammer…Is Very Tall!!! https://t.co/QJ12WhTnL1 pic.twitter.com/oIY1PInaqi
- Brad Trent (@BradTrent) December 26, 2018
Height: 6’5”
Verdict: Tall, not handsome
Why he’s appealing: We saw him and “his twin” in The Social Network and were drawn in by the potential for being spit-roasted by the two of them.
Alexander Skarsgård
Alexander Skarsgard wore a #DiorMen black suit, shirt and leather boots to the #HoldTheDark premiere at the 2018 Toronto International Film Festival. https://t.co/X94F7wlMqL #TIFF18 pic.twitter.com/9XPMgf0ghy
- The Fashion Court (@TheFashionCourt) September 13, 2018
Height:6’4”
Verdict: Tall, not handsome
Why he’s appealing: He’s 80% forehead and 20% Wallace grin (a la Wallace and Gromit). Twist my arm, I’d say his appeal is based in the fact that you can get Swedish citizenship out of him. Viva la socialism!
Tom Brady
Tom Brady sported a Barocco-embroidered @Versace suit with a gold lapel. #MetGala2018 https://t.co/GQmauYd8ut pic.twitter.com/6fdujEowla
- British GQ (@BritishGQ) May 8, 2018
Height: 6’4”
Verdict: Tall, not handsome
Why he’s appealing: He sportses good and won’t compete with you for the strawberries and coffee in the house. But honestly, he looks like smiling pains him which is fair, considering how many times he’s been body-slammed into the turf. Plus, whatever closer he’s stored in, in between games, can’t be all that roomy.
Chris Hemsworth
chris hemsworth in a suit
that's it, that's the tweet. pic.twitter.com/mLh7HXFdGp
- rocio (@gyllenspidey) September 14, 2019
Height:6’3”
Verdict: Tall, not handsome
Why he’s appealing: Casual Aussie racism? Knowing he’ll age like a poorly-maintained Louis Vuitton carry-on? Blue eyes that you can’t see because he’s beady-eyed and squints a lot?
In closing, there you have it. They’re all just tall and y’all need better taste.
Sources: My brain, mostly.
Tweets:
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Who’s your favourite tall-not-handsome male, ontd?
Cute or Tall (Part 1)
If this has been done before, you’ll have to forgive me. The idea belongs to therearewords. I executed it mediocre-ly. Here’s my best attempt at levity: a list of men who could be handsome, but are probably just tall. Remember, the taller you are, the less dense the air. Air density has an inverse correlation with perceived handsomeness (Crowdedstreets et al. 2020).
Figure 1
Conclusion: It’s science. The taller you are, the higher your face, the lower the air density, the higher the degree of perceived handsomeness.
Nicholas Hoult
. @LaineyGossip was a big fan of Nicholas Hoult in this Tom Ford suit! Thoughts? pic.twitter.com/zqagbMhaVX
- The Social (@TheSocialCTV) September 8, 2015
Height: 6’2”
Verdict: Tall, not handsome
Why he’s appealing: I… I don’t even know. He looks like someone over-inflated Jim Parsons. But he’s British, so….
Armie Hammer
Armie Hammer…Is Very Tall!!! https://t.co/QJ12WhTnL1 pic.twitter.com/oIY1PInaqi
- Brad Trent (@BradTrent) December 26, 2018
Height: 6’5”
Verdict: Tall, not handsome
Why he’s appealing: We saw him and “his twin” in The Social Network and were drawn in by the potential for being spit-roasted by the two of them.
Alexander Skarsgård
Alexander Skarsgard wore a #DiorMen black suit, shirt and leather boots to the #HoldTheDark premiere at the 2018 Toronto International Film Festival. https://t.co/X94F7wlMqL #TIFF18 pic.twitter.com/9XPMgf0ghy
- The Fashion Court (@TheFashionCourt) September 13, 2018
Height:6’4”
Verdict: Tall, not handsome
Why he’s appealing: He’s 80% forehead and 20% Wallace grin (a la Wallace and Gromit). Twist my arm, I’d say his appeal is based in the fact that you can get Swedish citizenship out of him. Viva la socialism!
Tom Brady
Tom Brady sported a Barocco-embroidered @Versace suit with a gold lapel. #MetGala2018 https://t.co/GQmauYd8ut pic.twitter.com/6fdujEowla
- British GQ (@BritishGQ) May 8, 2018
Height: 6’4”
Verdict: Tall, not handsome
Why he’s appealing: He sportses good and won’t compete with you for the strawberries and coffee in the house. But honestly, he looks like smiling pains him which is fair, considering how many times he’s been body-slammed into the turf. Plus, whatever closer he’s stored in, in between games, can’t be all that roomy.
Chris Hemsworth
chris hemsworth in a suit
that's it, that's the tweet. pic.twitter.com/mLh7HXFdGp
- rocio (@gyllenspidey) September 14, 2019
Height:6’3”
Verdict: Tall, not handsome
Why he’s appealing: Casual Aussie racism? Knowing he’ll age like a poorly-maintained Louis Vuitton carry-on? Blue eyes that you can’t see because he’s beady-eyed and squints a lot?
In closing, there you have it. They’re all just tall and y’all need better taste.
Sources: My brain, mostly.
Tweets:
1
2
3
4
5
Who’s your favourite tall-not-handsome male, ontd?