Kirsten Dunst Says It's 'So Much Easier' to Work Than 'To Be a Stay At Home Mom'

[hewontgo]

Kirsten Dunst Says It's 'So Much Easier' to Work Than 'To Be a Stay At Home Mom' https://t.co/t0zYvVPk4O
- People (@people) August 3, 2019
Kirsten Dunst and fiancé Jesse Plemons welcomed their baby boy Ennis Howard in May 2018

Comments

[champagnexdream]

I don’t think I’d ever be able to be a SAHP. I would feel very limited in my identity and dependent. It’s not my personality at all and not something I’d want to model as an example to a child, especially a daughter. I also can’t imagine not making my own money. Like that is too much of a risk for me to depend on another person solely for money, and I say that as a happily married individual. As much as I love my husband I can’t predict if one day he’s going to be like “fuck this, bye” or suddenly not be able to work for whatever reason, etc.

That being said, I realize a lot of that is my own shit and I completely respect people who are SAHPs because it’s no joke as far as the workload and emotional strain go. One of my friends does it with 3-year-old twins (one with special needs) and I know she does like 103839x more work than I do at a full-time job with no kids. And I love my job so maybe if I didn’t I’d feel differently.

It does bug me when people say being a SAHP is a career though. Like is it more work then most jobs? Totally. Do you get to say you have a career while having the financial means to take care of your own children 24/7 without having to bring in income working a job that doesn’t personally benefit you by nature? No, lol.

[marywebgirl]

Amen to not relying on your spouse for your livelihood. We don’t need my salary and my husband gets way more vacation time than I do, so it would be lovely if I just did volunteer work or something and we could travel more. But if he decided to leave I’d be fucked. More money means he could afford a better lawyer too.

[xtinkerbellax]

Yea it's a really scary position to put yourself in and we see women get fucked over time and time again.

[likeanunmadebed]

Yup. A lot of women in my family are SAHMs and they've all had husbands lose their jobs/a large portion of their incomes/get sick, etc. And their marriages aren't the greatest, so they're completely trapped. Seeing all of it unfold is just so unappealing, I'm staying with my job forever at this point.

[champagnexdream]

Exactlyyyy. And the vacations you do get to take can be a little more indulgent too! It's about balance obviously but if you feel you have that and you could take care of yourself financially if need be, you're totally doing it right.

My husband and I could probably survive on his salary too - we'd need to downsize our life a bit, but we could do it - but then we'd never do anything fun. And we sure af wouldn't have been able to afford to get a house or fertility treatments or go out of state to see our families a few times a year.

[champagnexdream]

100% agree, especially if I had children. I cannot imagine a man taking me to court and a judge awarding custody or something because he makes money, bye. Or what if some shit goes down and I had to leave and couldn't buy a motel room or something? Who the fuck knows. I'd like to think that will never happen but if I'd owned property or anything when I got married I would've gotten a prenup too. I just don't think it needs to be personal when money is involved.

[queenweasley]

I totally agree with you. I need to work because it helps bring value and meaning to my life, but also because I can't imagine being financially dependent on someone else.

[marielaurie]

I feel this so much, I'm pregnant rn and I've been taking the necessary precautions at work and all but just feeling like I'm not as functional as I used to be really upsets me, I love working and I hope I can find balance when my baby comes.

[merel_93]

I agree with you on all points. I also don't understand how you wouldn't want to work. Every job has its ups and downs, but making yourself and being of value for something succesful is empowering. Like that one girl that married one of the Duggar men is a qualified nurse and she hasn't worked since getting married and I truly cannot comprehend why you wouldn't want to be of value to someone else that isn't your immediate family. You are capable and able bodied, you can damn well work.

[champagnexdream]

Sometimes it's entitlement too. I cannot tell you the number of times I've seen GoFundMes for families where one of the able-bodies parents doesn't work. It's really bad.

[merel_93]

What do they even do with their time? I like my free time as much as the next person, but there is such a thing as too much free time

[champagnexdream]

Well sometimes it’s people with kids but the ones who don’t have kids I have no idea lmao. Even on weekends if I don’t have something planned I feel useless. Relaxing is hard for me but when I do it I really appreciate it. I think not having a job would send me into a depression.

[helyanwe89]

I think some of it depends on how much you make. What is the point of working if your salary is pretty much all spent on childcare?

[peachdynasty]

I guess it depends on the person. I view having a job as a safety net. Having extra income is a plus and it's nice to already have a job if your partner gets laid off or misses work with no pay. If you have a career where missing work can affect your performance then it's best to at least work part-time or per-diem.

[likeanunmadebed]

I feel like it's an investment of sorts the way going to uni/college is. Eventually those kids grow up and can walk to school/take care of themselves. My mom was a SAHM who meant to go back to work and never did. Now decades later, we're financially fucked.