ONTD Original: The Most Important School Lessons From VH1's "Rock of Love: Charm School"
Happy first second day of school! Now that the schoolyear has begun, let's revisit some important lessons from the classic VH1 reality show, Charm School.
Last time, I made a post about the lessons from Flavor of Love: Charm School.
This time, we will focus on Rock of Love: Charm School, with Sharon Osbourne. Each episode had one Charm School Commandment that you can use in your schoolyear.
Class is in now session.
1. Thou Shalt Rock Together
For the first challenge, the girls had to do an obstacle course on the beach, then assemble a stage. Megan and Brandi C. refused to work, and Frenchie had no idea what she was doing.
They learned that you will usually have one or two people on your group who is a lazy bitch, and you will probably be the one to do all the work.
2. Thou Shalt Rock It With Style
The ladies had to give each other makeovers to look less skanky.
The most stylish bitch in the house was Lily, Megan’s pet chihuahua.
Megan cheated on the challenge, and Rodeo got expelled for being upset about the cheating. The lesson is that some sheisty bitch will try to fuck you over, and you will get in trouble for it if you don’t play your cards right.
To quote Saaphyri, the winner of Season 1:
3. Thou Shalt Be Takin' Care of Business
The girls had to put together a marketable, talented band. They got to select several musicians, then style them. Megan wanted only cute people in her band.
Then, the bands competed. But one band’s lead singer got everyone’s attention… in a bad way. Because the girls put her in an outfit that gave her a huge cameltoe.
Ultimately, Megan was expelled, taking Lily with her.
4. Thou Shalt Not Rock Rude
Sharon Osbourne’s friend, the Duchess of Birmingshire, came for a visit, and the ladies were to entertain her.
But first, they had to learn some fancy etiquette.
The ladies sampled some spotted dick, and didn’t really know what it was.
Ultimately, this lesson is about being polite in public until you can be yo natural skanky self with your friends.
5. Thou Shalt Rock Thy Body
The women learned about the finer things in life, sampling fine cigars, caviar, and alcohol.
They then had to make faux public service announcements warning about the dangers of sex, drugs, and booze.
The lesson is to play hard, but play responsibly. That way you won’t puke on Bret Michaels.
6. Thou Shalt Rock At Love
Bret Michaels rejected all the Charm School contestants, so they needed some love advice.
To learn how to win men using their personalities instead of their looks, Sharon whacked them with the ugly stick using prosthetics.
Brandi C. had some thoughts about this challenge:
And Sharon did, too.
7. Thou Shalt Express Thyself
The classmates had a lot of anger at each other, so they used sock puppets, then had an emo poetry slam where they had to express their feelings for each other.
I hate slam poetry, so I won’t post it, but ultimately you need to not be passive-aggressive, even when communicating with bitches you hate. Instead, write emo poetry about them.
8. Thou Shalt Know Who Thou Art
For the 8th challenge, the girls designed their own t-shirts for Ed Hardy. If that isn’t peak 2007, then I don’t know what is. French music legend Johnny Hallyday was there too, for reasons unknown.
Their shirts had to reflect their “personal brands.” Heather designed a shirt with her own face on it.
This lesson means that you should present yourself the way you want to be seen: As a fierce, shameless queen.
9.Thou Shalt Rock Unto Others
The 9th commandment was about giving back to others. Destiny was raised in a trailer park and was on welfare; her family had to get their Christmas presents from a charity. Brandi M. was raised by a single mother on welfare. Lacey's parents are rich and give her money so she can live a "punk" lifestyle.
The girls worked in teams with contestants who had been expelled. Megan actively tried to sabotage the other teams so that Lacey would win.
The lesson? Capitalism is a brutal economic system based on making the rich richer and the poor poorer, so you should help people who have been fucked over by it.
10. Thou Shalt Be Fully Rockin'
When it was down to the final two ladies, the judges had a tough time choosing a winner. However, only one could win, and Brandi M. won $100,000. Destiny was offered an unpaid internship at a jeans company.
The final lesson that you should carry with you is that some people will get a shitload of money and some people will get shit, but you should always be the best, most fucking awesome person you can.
And when you come across some toxic bitch, just twirl on that hater.
Poll
Mods i accidentally deleted this last night, i wanted to cry. if you don't approve this i understand, because i'm dumber than Hottie.