Getting you guys up to speed with me. And vent a little.
As many of you probably know I have broken up with my GF Bethany, due to the fact that she cheated on me. She cheated on me twice. The first time I was able to forgive her and let it float by, even though according to her she got close to doing the romp with that sleezebag. But the 2nd time I could not let slide no matter how much I would have liked too. She this time did do the thing with a different guy this time. And the thing that was different about him is that I actually met this foo and he knew I was involved with her but I guess that did not seem to matter to that S.O.B. When I found out about it I wanted to kill him literally, as in taking his life with my own bear hands. I still kinda want too and am afraid of what I might do if I see him again. Which I don't think will happen anytime soon cuz he lives in everett. He's so fucking lucky that he lives in everett, especially right now. I know I shouldn't feel this way but it's hard, because I got hurt real bad. Really fuckin' bad. I seem to be getting over that feeling though, because My good friend Eric knows how I feel and just told me that the guy did me a favor. My mom said the same thing, cuz she would have done it eventually. No better time than when it happened though I guess, cuz if it had happened later it would have hurt all the more. Even though he could have said no Eric, James and my parents tell me that none of it was his fault, that it was all her. I guess I must be more sensetive than I thought, cuz it still hurts a little. Plz help me out with this guys, was any of it his fault or not, cuz I am finding it harder to forgive this guy than I am in forgiving Bethany. I want to give a shout out of thanx to Ian and Amanda right now for helping me in this dilemma. You guys have been a God send. Lord bless you both. I have forgiven Bethany for the most part, except for one little thing that I need to do. The only way I will be able to put it completely behind me with her is if I talk to her and ask her why she hurt me, how much did she really care about me, so I can just full understand why this all happened and how it all happened in the first place. Cuz I would still really like to be friends with her, because she still is a cool person to hang out with, and also I am good friends with her fam. So I can't let a spat like this interfere with that, cuz the rest of her fam is really cool. I haven't talked to her in like over two weeks though because I don't want to talk to her about anything else until I get this out of the way. I want to talk to her in person, not at church or on the phone, and I don't really feel like driving all the way to connell to talk to her. I have been waiting for her to come to her dad's again so I can talk to her, which might be this weekend, so please pray that all goes well and God lets his will reign on the situation in whole. After that I feel like I'll have complete closure with her and be able to have a good friend realtionship with her, and there will be no hard, weird/awkward fellings left over. That I will have forgiven her completely and let it go once and for all. I just have a little more ways to go with getting this over with, so please pray that God lets all go well. And I hope avoiding her these past two weeks has not lessened my chance with that. Pray also that I will be able to find it in my heart to forgive The guy that she did this with, please. I need God so bad right now! And this problem has made me fall a little too, please pray that I will rise victorious, and stop this fall from going any further. I know God is there and will take care of this, but Im having a little trouble with pushing him away sometimes. PLZ pray that I don't do that anymore. I need strength, peace, endurance and wisdom in all this trial. I have also lately been taking two steps forward and three steps back with God and this trial, and it seem as though the steps backward are becoming larger in number than the steps forward. In other words, at times I try to face God and the trial, but end up running. And every time I run it makes matters worse. PLZ pray that God truly has his will reign down upon all of this. I don't want to hurt God anymore, or anyone else for that matter, and the only running I want to do is back in God's loving arms again. PLZ take all this that is written as my prayer request. Thank you guys for your love, support and prayers. Now that I am done with the tough and sad part of this entry, let me take you to a happier place in my life. Here is some happy stuff that is going on in my life: As I have told ya'll before, James, Eric and I are planning on going to Hawaii for the entire month of August. When we get back we all plan on starting CBC in the Fall. I am getting more hrs at work. I have the entire month of August off of work for Hawaii. Young life is good, even though I have missed one meeting and will again today, it's goin'. I enjoy it. Same goes for Frontline youth at my church. Except I only missed one, but plan on going wednsday of this week and will probably see Bethany there. Oh please God let it be a good thing. James, Eric and I along with a few of Eric's fam members are planning on going to Vegas. Wooot! I plan on being a leader in training at a summer camp for my church where I will be working with kids 13-19, The age group I want to work with when I become a youth pastor, which I think will be from June 26th-1st July. Which will mean I wil have to take a week off from work prior to my month off for Hawaii, so pray that I get it and that it won;t hurt my Hawaii fund in any way, shape or form. It's awesome how God opened up that door to me, I certainly don't want to shut it. It's been approved by my pastor and everything, Praise God! I also have a leadership training/meeting to got to for it this Saturday. Plz pray that it all goes well. James, Eric and I have also found a way to raise a little more cash for Hawaii, by advertising and helping to make sales for Dish Network, s plz pray that it goes well. I am excited about becoming a leader for Asylum, and that it will be getting bigger. Praise God for that one!! Last but not least, I started calling my step-dad just Dad, which is really good for him, my mom and myself. Praise God for that one! Well that's all for now, but before I leave, I have a few more prayer requests left. So here they are: Pray for James and Eric they are goin' through rough times. They really need God right now. Pray for our families. Pray for Asylum. Pray for me. Pray for Beth, Melissa (friend of mine and Beth's) and their families. I will pray for you guys as well. Thank you all for everything. I love you guys so very much. May God bless and keep all of you close to his heart. Gute nacht euch (good night all).