Letting Go
Sometimes it’s hard to beat that when you grow up, you have to deal with the facts of life, and perhaps death as well.
Tell me this . . . . how does someone hold on to a loved one on the brink of death, do you just let go or do you hold on tight? Do you leave him onto the hands of God, or do you damn all the higher entities there is?
. . . . . A little less than two weeks ago my dad was hospitalized because he was suffering from an ailing back. He was supposed to have been released last Thursday but then it was deferred because he had a stroke. One minute he was laughing, the next minute he was complaining of a pain on his side. Luckily the medical staff were quick. He had a flatline for a few seconds but they were able to revive him then. He slept for most part of the day after that, perhaps because of all the meds, or maybe he was tired, because it took a lot for his heart to recover, but when he came to, he wasn’t himself anymore. He was restless and agitated. He couldn’t be sedated because his blood pressure was too low, but we did all we can, along with the medical staff and his doctors to keep him as comfortable as he can be.
A couple of days ago, when he was finally out of the respirator, and can finally talk, he told us to let him go, that he’s tired and that his parents and my nephew are waiting for him. We were shocked. My grandparents have both been dead for years and years and our nephew died of Leukemia four years ago. Our reaction? We were like, Huh? Duh, you’re not going anywhere Dad, you’re staying right here with us. But he was adamant about it, he kept talking about seeing them, how they're waiting for him and he kept calling out to them, stretching his hand, asking them to wait for him. When he finally got exhausted and went to rest, my sisters, my brother and I talked about what we just witnessed. We didn't want to assume things so we tried to laugh it off, but underneath it all was the question "What the heck? What just happened?"
The following day, Sunday, Daddy was no longer restless. He was, in fact, more subdued and spent the better part of the day just resting. Thinking that he’s well on his way to recovery, we decided to have Mom spend the night at home to take a rest and leave Daddy to our care so me, my two sisters and our cousin spent the night at the hospital. Daddy was okay and quiet the rest of the night. Sometime after midnight, my sister and I went out for coffee and smoke, leaving Daddy in the hands of my other sister. We were gone for a half hour. When we came back to the hospital, my other sister was busy rubbing his chest, apparently to calm him down because he has started getting restless again. It was like that for a couple of hours I think, he would become restless, we would calm him down, but then a little before 3:00 am, not only did he become restless but he started gasping for air. We called for help as fast as we can but before the nurses could come, he opened his eyes, gasped for air again and went limp. We saw the very lights go out of his eyes, right in front of us, and with our hands on his chest, we felt no heartbeat at all. We knew then, without the doctor telling us, that his heart has failed again.
The medical staff started working on him and tried to revive him. They did everything they can and a little after a half hour (35 minutes to be exact) his chest started moving again, and finally, he started breathing again, It was a miracle that he was able to survive but it left him in coma.. We’re not even sure if he will make it, but we’re praying and hoping for the best. He’s still in ICU and even though his chances are very slim, we still held on to that small thread of hope that he will make it.
The doctor said the next time his heart fails him, they will still try and do everything in their power to try and get him out of it but his chances are very slim. Even now they're not sure if he will make it out of coma. He was having seizures yesterday, and while his condition may have stabilized a bit today, and the doctor said his heart is regaining its strength he’s still out of it, there’s still that danger that his heart may fail him again. And after having failed twice in a span of 3 days, what are his chances? We want our father to survive and still have more years to come. But somehow, as we look at him, we keep reliving that moment, where he kept saying he’s tired and begged us to let him go.
But tell me, just how does one let go?
~~~~I found this video on a youtube account owned by jpagran (my complimrents) and i'd like to share it with you guys~~~
Click to viewWE LOVE YOU DADDY!!!