slightly different than the usual...
well, since absolutely no one's using lj anymore...i decided to update.
indiana was fun. of course. i ate a lot of really delicious food. and played a lot of really fun games...haha. oh and i got to meet my new baby cousin, Mable (the 22nd grandkid...haha)
AND i got to spend a whole day and night at goshen college with my cousin aaron and all his friends. it was pretty amazing. somehow sitting with about 10 people in his dorm room just talking was like the highlight of my trip. his friends were all really nice and easy to talk to. i liked it anyway...
but of other, more serious things...
hmmmm. where to start. well these past few weeks or months or whatever, a lot has been going on. and i don't know what to do anymore.
i don't really talk about this too much, but i have to do something. (so i'm posting this on the internet...well, as i figure, only like 3 or 4 people will read this anyway...so just...read with care i guess)
this is about my parents. mainly my mom. as most of you know (i think) my parents separated the summer before last. and things have just gone downhill since. my dad moved out, but he was over at our house all the time. so things got even worse. for about a year my parents were constantly fighting. then at the end of the last school year, they went to this "marriage restoring" thing in pennsylvania and things were good for a while. my dad officially moved back in.
but now things are worse than they've ever been. i don't know what's wrong. they're constantly fighting. in fact, right now i can hear them yelling at each other on the other side of the house OVER my radio that I've turned ALL THE WAY UP. driving in a van with them these last two days was torture. pure torture. we were stopped at a rest stop somewhere in kentucky and my mom refused to get back in the car. so we sat there for an hour watching my mom yell at my dad in the middle of a rest stop. while everyone who walked by stared at them. it was humiliating.
sometimes (as horrible as this sounds) i just wish they would get divorced so it would all be over. i feel sorry for my dad. he's trying soooo hard to keep them together. but nothing's working. he's tried so many things, but my mom refuses to cooperate. in my experience, most people only see their dad cry once or twice or even never. i've walked into the house to see my dad in tears more times than i can count. it's hard to see your dad cry. i don't know...it's somehow different from seeing your mom cry.
and i'm really worried about my mom. she's over the edge. she used to be standing at the brink, but now she's definitely over the edge. i'm not sure why she's so unhappy. nothing satisfies her. she's always mad. always. even when my dad's gone, she just yells at us. you would be shocked if i honestly told you some of the things she's said to me. it's almost impossible to live with. that's one of the main reasons i'm so anxious to move out and go to college. i don't know what to do anymore. it's overwhelming. i'm beginning to wonder if one day i'll come home and she'll be gone for good.
ok wow. i don't think i've ever really told anyone much of this before. but it's all been building up and i had to tell somebody or i would've exploded. (especially over these last few weeks [i know i've been kind of distant lately...] especially the night of evan's party. i don't know if it was noticeable, but i was really out of it that night. ha) and since i seem to have trouble explaining this outloud, i figured i'd post it on lj.
so there it is. a snapshot of one of the issues that i've been dealing with. i still can't quite believe i'm posting this on the internet. sorry if this is weird for you to read...but i needed to do something. just do me a favor and keep this between our little lj circle. thanks.
i'm still not quite sure why i randomly decided to spew my heart and soul into this entry...i guess i just need your prayers. i'd appreciate it.
thanks. i really do love you all. (i honestly don't know how i'd cope without you guys.) =]
~Jenn~
indiana was fun. of course. i ate a lot of really delicious food. and played a lot of really fun games...haha. oh and i got to meet my new baby cousin, Mable (the 22nd grandkid...haha)
AND i got to spend a whole day and night at goshen college with my cousin aaron and all his friends. it was pretty amazing. somehow sitting with about 10 people in his dorm room just talking was like the highlight of my trip. his friends were all really nice and easy to talk to. i liked it anyway...
but of other, more serious things...
hmmmm. where to start. well these past few weeks or months or whatever, a lot has been going on. and i don't know what to do anymore.
i don't really talk about this too much, but i have to do something. (so i'm posting this on the internet...well, as i figure, only like 3 or 4 people will read this anyway...so just...read with care i guess)
this is about my parents. mainly my mom. as most of you know (i think) my parents separated the summer before last. and things have just gone downhill since. my dad moved out, but he was over at our house all the time. so things got even worse. for about a year my parents were constantly fighting. then at the end of the last school year, they went to this "marriage restoring" thing in pennsylvania and things were good for a while. my dad officially moved back in.
but now things are worse than they've ever been. i don't know what's wrong. they're constantly fighting. in fact, right now i can hear them yelling at each other on the other side of the house OVER my radio that I've turned ALL THE WAY UP. driving in a van with them these last two days was torture. pure torture. we were stopped at a rest stop somewhere in kentucky and my mom refused to get back in the car. so we sat there for an hour watching my mom yell at my dad in the middle of a rest stop. while everyone who walked by stared at them. it was humiliating.
sometimes (as horrible as this sounds) i just wish they would get divorced so it would all be over. i feel sorry for my dad. he's trying soooo hard to keep them together. but nothing's working. he's tried so many things, but my mom refuses to cooperate. in my experience, most people only see their dad cry once or twice or even never. i've walked into the house to see my dad in tears more times than i can count. it's hard to see your dad cry. i don't know...it's somehow different from seeing your mom cry.
and i'm really worried about my mom. she's over the edge. she used to be standing at the brink, but now she's definitely over the edge. i'm not sure why she's so unhappy. nothing satisfies her. she's always mad. always. even when my dad's gone, she just yells at us. you would be shocked if i honestly told you some of the things she's said to me. it's almost impossible to live with. that's one of the main reasons i'm so anxious to move out and go to college. i don't know what to do anymore. it's overwhelming. i'm beginning to wonder if one day i'll come home and she'll be gone for good.
ok wow. i don't think i've ever really told anyone much of this before. but it's all been building up and i had to tell somebody or i would've exploded. (especially over these last few weeks [i know i've been kind of distant lately...] especially the night of evan's party. i don't know if it was noticeable, but i was really out of it that night. ha) and since i seem to have trouble explaining this outloud, i figured i'd post it on lj.
so there it is. a snapshot of one of the issues that i've been dealing with. i still can't quite believe i'm posting this on the internet. sorry if this is weird for you to read...but i needed to do something. just do me a favor and keep this between our little lj circle. thanks.
i'm still not quite sure why i randomly decided to spew my heart and soul into this entry...i guess i just need your prayers. i'd appreciate it.
thanks. i really do love you all. (i honestly don't know how i'd cope without you guys.) =]
~Jenn~