(no subject)
life scares me.
after reading deeper journals that contain deeper emotions and thoughts i wonder what i'm doing on livejournal.
am i lacking this depth in my personality?
i thought i could be deep sometimes, but it appears i'm just a surface person. and i dislike feeling that way/ being that way.
maybe i'm just trapped.
i clench my fists so tightly i want to gasp for air like i haven't breathed in ages. i feel so trapped; i feel so lost; i feel so alone.
no matter how i feel i still manage to go on. i don't understand why. everyday i wake up feeling the exact same emotions after a while.
i am helped.
then i lose help; i lose traction.
i turn into something i thought i wasn't going to be again, but everytime to my surprise i'm back into the rut of being that person.
why does life sweep me off my feet and tuck me under the carpet?
why does life think it has some power over me and that it can hold me down?
i do not want to be held down.
i am not nothing.
i am definitely something; despite how people may and may not speak to me.
for once i'd like to believe for a long period of time that i am beautiful.
i try to believe, and sometimes i do, and only sometimes i do because of advice from cat. once cat gave me that advice kyle makes me feel beautiful.
but if there was neither of them, i wouldn't feel beautiful.
i want to be a hundred percent independent. i don't want to need someone to make me feel beautiful, i want to feel it on my own.
i am lost.
i am broken.
i am torn.
but i'm all yours.
will you keep me?
i love you kyle chang, sorry i'm not perfect.
and i can't wait to see you on thursday.
:]
after reading deeper journals that contain deeper emotions and thoughts i wonder what i'm doing on livejournal.
am i lacking this depth in my personality?
i thought i could be deep sometimes, but it appears i'm just a surface person. and i dislike feeling that way/ being that way.
maybe i'm just trapped.
i clench my fists so tightly i want to gasp for air like i haven't breathed in ages. i feel so trapped; i feel so lost; i feel so alone.
no matter how i feel i still manage to go on. i don't understand why. everyday i wake up feeling the exact same emotions after a while.
i am helped.
then i lose help; i lose traction.
i turn into something i thought i wasn't going to be again, but everytime to my surprise i'm back into the rut of being that person.
why does life sweep me off my feet and tuck me under the carpet?
why does life think it has some power over me and that it can hold me down?
i do not want to be held down.
i am not nothing.
i am definitely something; despite how people may and may not speak to me.
for once i'd like to believe for a long period of time that i am beautiful.
i try to believe, and sometimes i do, and only sometimes i do because of advice from cat. once cat gave me that advice kyle makes me feel beautiful.
but if there was neither of them, i wouldn't feel beautiful.
i want to be a hundred percent independent. i don't want to need someone to make me feel beautiful, i want to feel it on my own.
i am lost.
i am broken.
i am torn.
but i'm all yours.
will you keep me?
i love you kyle chang, sorry i'm not perfect.
and i can't wait to see you on thursday.
:]