(no subject)
heyo
it's been so long since i've written about anything. evar. i think i might have written about breaking up with juan but i've already started writing this and i can't go back now to check, can i? plus we are together and in love and i will shout it from the mountain tops so it doesn't matter anyway.
i have to admit i only got the urge to write again because i just watched the life aquatic and i love wes anderson's style. i don't know if i connect with it. i love it, but i don't know if connecting with it is part of why i love it. what is called? their style. cinema auteur? something like that. definitely not film noir.
i enjoyed watching it particularly today because i feel like im being swamped by my own thoughts of what i expect out of my life and what is actually happening or what im doing that will lead me into what my life will result in if i continue down certain paths.
he loves what he does. he ain't rich. he wants to put out a good product but doesn't particularly revel in the fame or parties or drinks or shmoozhing that occur because of his films.
yea he hasn't been right in about a decade. but he's not living in a 9 to 5 or shit goes down when i want. white picket fence or studio apartment. 2.5 kids or not for me.
point is i don't have a five year plan for the first time in my life. but i also don't have an image of what i want. and i envy him.
i used to freak at the idea of having a family and living in the suburbs. i wanted to at least live in the city and have a family. now i want neither.
family is cool. definitely. but even the sexy allure of the city doesn't do it for me anymore. and living on staten island with comforting familiarity? no. jersey with big ass houses? no. upstate with acres. no.
i know what industry i wanna involve myself in. currently there are two jobs that want me. one im innerested in and could fit into my ideology, one completely and utterly scares me and makes me want to say no, no, no. neither have said, PLEASE WORK FOR US leaving me to say PLEASE HIRE ME.
whats in a job? i have money...for now thanks to my foresightful saving. and with money i am able to do things. because one thing i hate is mooching off people. even if it's not mooching but they pay for me then no, i, yea no, that's mooching to me. my life has become dull because i am a slave to insurance. car and medical is where my savings gets bled into so i don't go out a lot and thus i don't do much and thus my life has become dull and thus i want a job because a. it'll make me feel productive and feel good about what im doing (pending which job i get) and 2. i would have a disposable (?) income which means traveling, comic books, and etc.
anyway that has me freaking at moments if i let it. sometimes i do and sometimes i don't.
-hey- i should experiment in praising what i love. i love my friends. i love how different they all are and i love how they are and i love them for being who they are.
i love my family and how close we've been becoming now they everyone is done with college apartness.
i'm satisfied with maintaining what i'm doing with my health.
i love the man i'm with. i call him the man of my dreams, but honestly, 10 years ago i didnt think i'd be with a man, so really he's actually the person of my dreams. i am not 100% of the time happy, but 90% of that is stuff that i'm learning i.e. communication i.e. no duh he's not doing what you expect because what you expect isn't what everyone naturally does. [disclaimer: i made those statistics up without concentrating hard]
yo europe was awesome. paris is my second city, and not just cause of that quote.
my dad is singing children's songs and im pretty sure my sister took my baby nephew home >.>
it's been so long since i've written about anything. evar. i think i might have written about breaking up with juan but i've already started writing this and i can't go back now to check, can i? plus we are together and in love and i will shout it from the mountain tops so it doesn't matter anyway.
i have to admit i only got the urge to write again because i just watched the life aquatic and i love wes anderson's style. i don't know if i connect with it. i love it, but i don't know if connecting with it is part of why i love it. what is called? their style. cinema auteur? something like that. definitely not film noir.
i enjoyed watching it particularly today because i feel like im being swamped by my own thoughts of what i expect out of my life and what is actually happening or what im doing that will lead me into what my life will result in if i continue down certain paths.
he loves what he does. he ain't rich. he wants to put out a good product but doesn't particularly revel in the fame or parties or drinks or shmoozhing that occur because of his films.
yea he hasn't been right in about a decade. but he's not living in a 9 to 5 or shit goes down when i want. white picket fence or studio apartment. 2.5 kids or not for me.
point is i don't have a five year plan for the first time in my life. but i also don't have an image of what i want. and i envy him.
i used to freak at the idea of having a family and living in the suburbs. i wanted to at least live in the city and have a family. now i want neither.
family is cool. definitely. but even the sexy allure of the city doesn't do it for me anymore. and living on staten island with comforting familiarity? no. jersey with big ass houses? no. upstate with acres. no.
i know what industry i wanna involve myself in. currently there are two jobs that want me. one im innerested in and could fit into my ideology, one completely and utterly scares me and makes me want to say no, no, no. neither have said, PLEASE WORK FOR US leaving me to say PLEASE HIRE ME.
whats in a job? i have money...for now thanks to my foresightful saving. and with money i am able to do things. because one thing i hate is mooching off people. even if it's not mooching but they pay for me then no, i, yea no, that's mooching to me. my life has become dull because i am a slave to insurance. car and medical is where my savings gets bled into so i don't go out a lot and thus i don't do much and thus my life has become dull and thus i want a job because a. it'll make me feel productive and feel good about what im doing (pending which job i get) and 2. i would have a disposable (?) income which means traveling, comic books, and etc.
anyway that has me freaking at moments if i let it. sometimes i do and sometimes i don't.
-hey- i should experiment in praising what i love. i love my friends. i love how different they all are and i love how they are and i love them for being who they are.
i love my family and how close we've been becoming now they everyone is done with college apartness.
i'm satisfied with maintaining what i'm doing with my health.
i love the man i'm with. i call him the man of my dreams, but honestly, 10 years ago i didnt think i'd be with a man, so really he's actually the person of my dreams. i am not 100% of the time happy, but 90% of that is stuff that i'm learning i.e. communication i.e. no duh he's not doing what you expect because what you expect isn't what everyone naturally does. [disclaimer: i made those statistics up without concentrating hard]
yo europe was awesome. paris is my second city, and not just cause of that quote.
my dad is singing children's songs and im pretty sure my sister took my baby nephew home >.>