Seething hatred for someone you love
You know, forget the whole god damn thing. It's obvious that you don't care about me. It's clear that I'm just another in a string of boys that you were fucking until jake got home. Josh, Mark, Me, whatever, we're all the same expendable piece of validation that you needed to feel good about yourself.
It's obvious that you feel this way because despite the fact that Jake's a possessive PIECE OF SHIT of a man, you choose to indulge every whim of his while you make every second of every minute of every day of my life torture because I miss you so much and know that you're out having fun with Jake and you don't give a shit about the way that I feel. Because IF YOU DID then you would call me, you'd want to see me, you'd RESPECT my request that YOU NOT SLEEP IN THE SAME PLACE AS JAKE!! But you don't. You slept at his house the very first night he was here, and to be honest, after hearing that you fucked mark while you were still explaining to Josh that you didn't want to be his girlfriend I have very little faith that you haven't been making out with him or sleeping with him.
I wish to god that these things I'm saying would hurt, that they would bring you to tears, because that would mean that you actually care that I'm saying mean things. But I know that they won't hurt you, because every time we talk you calmly and rationally tell me that if I can't accept the fact that you (the girl who 4 days ago stopped me from breaking up with her and held me saying "don't go" and told me that I do all the things she wants a boy to do) don't want to see me for 2 weeks then I can just never see you again. And you're fine with that. You don't even bat an eye.
So as much as I love you, right now I hate you too. I hate the way that you're treating me like shit. I hate the way you're disregarding the fact that I LOVE YOU and that every time you don't answer your phone, or don't want to have breakfast with me, or can't make 10 minutes to talk to me because I can't stand to not see you for another 3 days I feel like I'm dying inside.
> Hey,
> My cell phone is in about fifteen pieces, so I can't call you. I'm sorry.
> It's
> a long story that I don't feel like explaining right now, but what it
> basically
> comes down to is that I had a break down, threw my phone against a wall in
> a
> fit, and it's broken. Either I'll fix it, or replace it, but I just can't
> right now. I'm really sorry. I hate to break my word, and I know I said
> I'd
> call you today. But it just isn't going to happen tonight. And please,
> when I
> do get it fixed, could you respect the distance I've asked for? I know
> you miss
> me and I know this sucks. But you're making my life hell by calling all
> the
> time. That sounds harsh, but you call and Jake gets upset and we argue
> and I
> cry and feel depressed and horrible and hate myself for being caught
> between
> the two of you. I really, really need you to just be patient right now.
> I've
> told you what I can do and what I can't, and I need you to be patient with
> that. It isn't a question of not respecting you and your feelings, I do.
> But
> I need you to respect me and my feelings and the situation I'm in.
> I'm barely holding myself together right now. I'm not even in any shape
> to
> drive home. Please, I know you just want to hang on, but believe me, I'm
> hanging on. I won't go away. But if you keep pushing me, I'm going to
> have
> to, because I can't do this. I'm giving you what I can, and that's pretty
> limited right now, I know, but you just need to accept it. I'll check my
> email
> in a couple days, and I'll probably get my phone fixed, but honestly, I
> don't
> know if I can take your calls right now. I'm just too much of a wreck to
> deal
> with it right now.
> Take care of yourself, and please don't be angry. I'm about five minutes
> away
> from bailing on everything here and going back to Colorado until I get my
> head
> put together. So please don't push me. I can't stress that enough. You
> just
> have to be patient, or you need to give up and go away. I'm sorry those
> are
> both unpleasant options. But that's what I need right now.
> I'll talk to you soon.
> Liz
>
It's obvious that you feel this way because despite the fact that Jake's a possessive PIECE OF SHIT of a man, you choose to indulge every whim of his while you make every second of every minute of every day of my life torture because I miss you so much and know that you're out having fun with Jake and you don't give a shit about the way that I feel. Because IF YOU DID then you would call me, you'd want to see me, you'd RESPECT my request that YOU NOT SLEEP IN THE SAME PLACE AS JAKE!! But you don't. You slept at his house the very first night he was here, and to be honest, after hearing that you fucked mark while you were still explaining to Josh that you didn't want to be his girlfriend I have very little faith that you haven't been making out with him or sleeping with him.
I wish to god that these things I'm saying would hurt, that they would bring you to tears, because that would mean that you actually care that I'm saying mean things. But I know that they won't hurt you, because every time we talk you calmly and rationally tell me that if I can't accept the fact that you (the girl who 4 days ago stopped me from breaking up with her and held me saying "don't go" and told me that I do all the things she wants a boy to do) don't want to see me for 2 weeks then I can just never see you again. And you're fine with that. You don't even bat an eye.
So as much as I love you, right now I hate you too. I hate the way that you're treating me like shit. I hate the way you're disregarding the fact that I LOVE YOU and that every time you don't answer your phone, or don't want to have breakfast with me, or can't make 10 minutes to talk to me because I can't stand to not see you for another 3 days I feel like I'm dying inside.
> Hey,
> My cell phone is in about fifteen pieces, so I can't call you. I'm sorry.
> It's
> a long story that I don't feel like explaining right now, but what it
> basically
> comes down to is that I had a break down, threw my phone against a wall in
> a
> fit, and it's broken. Either I'll fix it, or replace it, but I just can't
> right now. I'm really sorry. I hate to break my word, and I know I said
> I'd
> call you today. But it just isn't going to happen tonight. And please,
> when I
> do get it fixed, could you respect the distance I've asked for? I know
> you miss
> me and I know this sucks. But you're making my life hell by calling all
> the
> time. That sounds harsh, but you call and Jake gets upset and we argue
> and I
> cry and feel depressed and horrible and hate myself for being caught
> between
> the two of you. I really, really need you to just be patient right now.
> I've
> told you what I can do and what I can't, and I need you to be patient with
> that. It isn't a question of not respecting you and your feelings, I do.
> But
> I need you to respect me and my feelings and the situation I'm in.
> I'm barely holding myself together right now. I'm not even in any shape
> to
> drive home. Please, I know you just want to hang on, but believe me, I'm
> hanging on. I won't go away. But if you keep pushing me, I'm going to
> have
> to, because I can't do this. I'm giving you what I can, and that's pretty
> limited right now, I know, but you just need to accept it. I'll check my
> in a couple days, and I'll probably get my phone fixed, but honestly, I
> don't
> know if I can take your calls right now. I'm just too much of a wreck to
> deal
> with it right now.
> Take care of yourself, and please don't be angry. I'm about five minutes
> away
> from bailing on everything here and going back to Colorado until I get my
> head
> put together. So please don't push me. I can't stress that enough. You
> just
> have to be patient, or you need to give up and go away. I'm sorry those
> are
> both unpleasant options. But that's what I need right now.
> I'll talk to you soon.
> Liz
>