On coming home
I found myself crying on the ride home tonight. The thing is, for the first time in a long time, I wasn't crying because I was hurting. I cried because I felt happy and loved.
Coming back to Santa Barbara has been an interesting experience. For a long time I've thought about coming back to Santa Barbara and trying to have my old life back. Mostly it's been when i've been feeling pretty bad and wanting to go back to what I thought was a "happy" time and place. Running back to a safe spot if you will.
It surprised me at first at how familiar and comfortable everything was. Granted it's only been three years; but still, nothing major had changed. The town still felt the same. It still felt welcoming in a way.
Seeing all of my old professors, and friends has been a very special thing. I never thought it would be this... easy. All the people in CCS are just as loving and kind as they every were. Talking to them was great. It wasn't hard at all to talk about life, what was going on with school and our lives, how things in the college were going and so forth.
My SCA friends are the same as they always are. Things may have looked different. There were new faces. By my friends that I've known forever are still there, I'm still just as happy to see them. Projects happened, general geekery was enjoyed, and it was really as if nothing had changed. It was very pleasant.
I saw Lance and Carla tonight for the first time since their wedding and after the fire. They looked great and are doing fantastically well. Somehow we ended up talking for over two hours. We reminiced about many of the old days -- it's strange to think we have old days, it really hasn't been that long -- talked Star Trek, found out how they'd been doing after the fire, and just smiled a lot. 3 years might as well have been 3 weeks or even 3 hours. Nothing was strange about it at all. It really was nice.
My parents have a few friends that they've known for probably close to 40 years now. I don't think I've really understood how that could happen or what it was like until now. The friends I've made here mean a lot more to me than I realized. These are people who are honest, genuine, and are always there and around now matter how near or far i may be. It's a great feeling to be loved like that.
The last thing we talked about was the last event we were all at. It was a going away of sorts. I was leaving for grad school, Nate was going into training and overall we were moving apart. I told everyone then that I thought of them as brothers. I still do, and always will. When I left I said goodbye to my brother again, with a promise to seem them again soon, and I will.
I think I'm ready to come back to Santa Barbara. Thing is, it's not to run away from something uncomfortable anymore. I'm ready to start the next part of where I'm going. I'd love it if I ended up back here; but, it's OK if I don't. I'll still be sure to return often to a place that's more of a home than I ever expected it would be.
Coming back to Santa Barbara has been an interesting experience. For a long time I've thought about coming back to Santa Barbara and trying to have my old life back. Mostly it's been when i've been feeling pretty bad and wanting to go back to what I thought was a "happy" time and place. Running back to a safe spot if you will.
It surprised me at first at how familiar and comfortable everything was. Granted it's only been three years; but still, nothing major had changed. The town still felt the same. It still felt welcoming in a way.
Seeing all of my old professors, and friends has been a very special thing. I never thought it would be this... easy. All the people in CCS are just as loving and kind as they every were. Talking to them was great. It wasn't hard at all to talk about life, what was going on with school and our lives, how things in the college were going and so forth.
My SCA friends are the same as they always are. Things may have looked different. There were new faces. By my friends that I've known forever are still there, I'm still just as happy to see them. Projects happened, general geekery was enjoyed, and it was really as if nothing had changed. It was very pleasant.
I saw Lance and Carla tonight for the first time since their wedding and after the fire. They looked great and are doing fantastically well. Somehow we ended up talking for over two hours. We reminiced about many of the old days -- it's strange to think we have old days, it really hasn't been that long -- talked Star Trek, found out how they'd been doing after the fire, and just smiled a lot. 3 years might as well have been 3 weeks or even 3 hours. Nothing was strange about it at all. It really was nice.
My parents have a few friends that they've known for probably close to 40 years now. I don't think I've really understood how that could happen or what it was like until now. The friends I've made here mean a lot more to me than I realized. These are people who are honest, genuine, and are always there and around now matter how near or far i may be. It's a great feeling to be loved like that.
The last thing we talked about was the last event we were all at. It was a going away of sorts. I was leaving for grad school, Nate was going into training and overall we were moving apart. I told everyone then that I thought of them as brothers. I still do, and always will. When I left I said goodbye to my brother again, with a promise to seem them again soon, and I will.
I think I'm ready to come back to Santa Barbara. Thing is, it's not to run away from something uncomfortable anymore. I'm ready to start the next part of where I'm going. I'd love it if I ended up back here; but, it's OK if I don't. I'll still be sure to return often to a place that's more of a home than I ever expected it would be.